should I wait or move on?

[flightymighty]

My boyfriend and I lived together for 31/2 years. I went on a two week vacation and when i came back we both decided we needed space and he would move out - he got cold feet but i pushed the issue.

 

After he moved out I panicked and felt i made a big mistake. Within a week I was telling him that I wanted him to move back with responses such as "we'll see" and, " let's give it some time." we were still seeing each other and sleeping together. I was becoming neurotic by calling him constantly, demanding to see him, asking if he was with other girls...etc. He kept saying, "before you couldn't stand me, now you love me?" he seemed to be pulling away and it drove me nuts.

 

So, one day i called him rationally and told him that i realized a few things and really wanted to make it work I suggested to start again slowly and almost start dating again with no hanky panky on the side. He agreed wholeheartedly and made a date two days following. he said to call him at work.

 

Well, i called him two days later and he sounded distant. Said, "you are going to hate me but i am really tired, can we make it for tomorrow?" my anger and feelings of rejection got to me and I pretty much demanded that I needed to see him that night...he did say yes.

 

So, he called me after work and said that his boss was taking him for drinks and that he would call in a couple hours. Well, three hours went by and still no call. I called repeatedly until he answerd. He sounded annoyed and said, "Can't i just finish my beer?" and stuff like, "I amhappy now - I am not accountable for." He also said he was over me but not totally.Aside, he told me where to pick him up and that he would call back.

 

To sum it up, he never did call back, shut off his phone and i haven't heard from him in 11 days. The day after i called i left two messages and sent a really honest letter outlining my mistakes and my love for him. No response to the e-mail.

 

What is going on? Can't he at least respond and say, "NO, it's over!" Why is he leaving me hanging? C'mon guys, gimme some insight. I have been doing NC but broke down and called his phone yesterday and it went to voicemail - I id not leave a message. Help me. Also, he still has valuable stuff here. any imput would help.

[Sunday]

Im so sorry he is doing this to you Flighty, seems to me that he is just a coward and cant bring himself to say its over to you, if I were you I would move on, go out with friends or find new ones, do things you enjoy doing to take your mind off him and get on with your life, as for his stuff send him a message giving him a time limit to come and get it, if he doesnt collect then do whatever you want with it, give it to charity or whatever.

 

I know its not easy, but I wish you the best, everything happens for a reason and if you were meant to be with this guy then you will.

[slubberdegullion]

Whoa, whoa, hold the phone here.

 

You want him to leave, though he wasn't crazy about the idea, but you pushed it. So he did what you wanted and then you changed your mind.

 

By your own admission, you called him constantly; possibly borderline harassment.

 

Then he tells you he can't make a date because he's tired. It's not that he just didn't show, he actually told you the truth. Then you hit the roof.

 

And you're surprised that he hasn't contacted you?

 

I disagree with Sunday. I don't think he's a coward at all. He's gone NC on you, and if I were in his shoes I'd do the same.

[J dub]

FlightyMighty, I hate to say it but here goes: You pushed him to the brink...too much drama will make a man run. Since you wrote him an email expressing your feelings, at this point all you can do is cross your fingers he comes back and in the mean time, move on. I dont want to sound negative but if I were him I would do the same - you jumped all over his case and your moodiness probably freaked him the hell out.

[flightymighty]

[

 

I disagree with Sunday. I don't think he's a coward at all. He's gone NC on you, and if I were in his shoes I'd do the same.

 

Don't get me wrong - I am an extremely aware individual and I knew the consequences of my actions. I have known for a long time that this relationship wasn't right but I held on. Yes I am weak that way - I am in love and feel safe with comfort and that is what he gave to me - he gave me the love I need, but not the security of knowing that he was strong- it saddens me greatly....because I love him. In love? I don't know.

 

My story is twisted and instead of reacting to finally being kicked in the stomach(after pushing and pushing) i should just be telling the truth and face being alone.

 

I treated him like crap a lot of the time and he just took it - I just want to hug him and tell him that I am sorry. What worries me greatly is not knowing if i made a mistake. Right now I feel empty, anxiety ridden, panick stricken and frozen. hopefully it's just the shock of losing a limb and eventually the stub becomes numb...hopefully.

 

I am fully aware of my nasty behavior and I finally got what I asked for. What if i was wrong. Also folks, is it really fair to make judgements on things we have no idea about? Look at us pathetic fools - trying to get our exes back. After my first love ripped my heart out of my chest, the only person who said something wise was my brother. He said, "When you go into the fridge and find a sour carton of milk, do you put it back?" It makes so much sense.

 

So yet again folks, maybe i did lose the love of my life or maybe I never loved him at all. One second of doubt causes a life time contradiction.

 

All i know is that right now, the pain is so real and i don't believe I will feel better...but I know I will. And yes, he is strong.