Has he lost interest

[jenny]

Hi - I met a man 2 months ago who was very keen on me and he made it very clear how much he liked me by saying how georgeous he thought I was and how much we mentally connected. He telephoned me every day (sometimes on the phone for 3 hours and ringing me an hour after he had just rung in between his busy job). We spent a lot of time on the phone laughing and talking about allsorts + sex talk too (a lot of the calls did not include sexual talk though). We have seen each other a couple of times and although not had full sex done everything else. He said we connect sexually too and when we do finally have sex it will be awsome. He is a bit of a idealist and feel like he wants it to be perfect, often describing where we'll be etc.

 

He recently stopped calling me as much and instead of every day it got down to about once a week but briefer calls - he said he had a large mobile phone bill, so I totally understand why he did not continue to do so. He was the one who usually rang me as his job involves travelling to and from his jobs which involves going to people's homes. He never knew when he would be available.

 

Instead of calles he texted message me every day and even when out with his mates or at band practice, he would still text me.

 

All until a week ago, when he hasnt phoned or texted. I have been online and caught him on messenger and he tells me that he got the sack from his job (his own fault though) and he is very worried about how he is going to support his kids (he has 3 kids from a relationship breakup who is sees and has to support). This is the reason he doesnt contact me as much and that Im not to fret because he still wants me. I had to ask him this though as he wasn't making it obvious he still did.

 

I totally understand he is worried about money etc, but do feel he isn't going out of his way to reasssure me - he could at least text me to say he cares etc but to give him a bit of time.

 

The problem is that I am worried that this man saw me as a challenge because I did play a bit hard to get at first, but he won me over because he was always praising me and although sounded a bit of a sweetalker, saying things like physical attraction isn't everything to him, what he finds a turn on is mentally connecting. Although he did fancy me physically too and says he still does. He always seemed to say the right thing and sometimes felt I couldnt trust him because he was too perfect.

 

I have fallen for this guy and am going to give him a bit of space (although we have only actually seen each other three times), but get the feeling I was just a challenge.

 

Any thoughts on this - I feel really down about this and maybe feeling paranoid because of other bad relationships. I have showed Im a bit upset because of his lack of contact but feel now that I should play more hard to get, but it is so hard when I was used to him showing so much interest and saying how much he wanted to be with me etc.

 

Thanks so much

[Tony T]

Instead of worrying about yourself and your position in his life right now, why not offer him what emotional support you can. Forget about yourself just for a bit if you really like this guy.

 

Losing a job and financial source when you have bills, yourself and three children to support is very stressful and even frightening. I'm sure that right now that's the primary thing on his mind. I'm also sure he cares about you but eating and keeping himself and his children alive with food and necessities comes first in his mind right now and rightly should.

 

Right now, he doesn't have the mental energy to play love games and such. If you want some interaction with him, focus totally on him and helping him get out of his rut. Make some job contacts for him. After all, he spent big bucks making you happy talking to you on the cell phone. If he had some of that money right now, it would mean more food on the table.

 

Step back and chill out while he goes through this time. Don't worry about him giving you all kinds of assurances of his love for you, etc. This guy is in survival mode.

 

Stop thinking about yourself...just long enough for him to get his balance and another means of support.

 

Once he gets back on his feet, if he doesn't give you the attention you require, then dump him.

 

But it's a whole lot easier to call your honey three times a day, send text messages, etc. when you've got plenty of income and no financial worries.

 

Be nice and take your mind off yourself for a while.

[jenny]

Thankyou Tony - what you say makes perfect sense and maybe I have been worrying too much about myself. The reason is this guy did back off a bit before he lost his job and a few text messages I sent, like 'can we meet up sometime next week for a walk' got ignorned. When I asked why he didnt reply he told me he hadn't got them - some messages were not getting through to him, but it was the second similar message which he had not received but yet he received all the others.

 

Due to this I was feeling a bit suspcious that he was lying to me in some way.

 

But I do understand what you are saying and I will take my mind off wondering if he has gone off me (Im sure Ill find out in good time if that is the case) and concentrate on his worries.

 

Thanks again

Instead of worrying about yourself and your position in his life right now, why not offer him what emotional support you can. Forget about yourself just for a bit if you really like this guy. Losing a job and financial source when you have bills, yourself and three children to support is very stressful and even frightening. I'm sure that right now that's the primary thing on his mind. I'm also sure he cares about you but eating and keeping himself and his children alive with food and necessities comes first in his mind right now and rightly should. Right now, he doesn't have the mental energy to play love games and such. If you want some interaction with him, focus totally on him and helping him get out of his rut. Make some job contacts for him. After all, he spent big bucks making you happy talking to you on the cell phone. If he had some of that money right now, it would mean more food on the table. Step back and chill out while he goes through this time. Don't worry about him giving you all kinds of assurances of his love for you, etc. This guy is in survival mode. Stop thinking about yourself...just long enough for him to get his balance and another means of support. Once he gets back on his feet, if he doesn't give you the attention you require, then dump him. But it's a whole lot easier to call your honey three times a day, send text messages, etc. when you've got plenty of income and no financial worries. Be nice and take your mind off yourself for a while.

[Laurynn]

So what's the situation with you two. Do you live in the same town/city? When he's not on the road/travelling for work (well, until he supposedly lost his job, that is), do you get to spend much time together? I got the impression that you didn't...because you'd mentioned that you've known each other for *2* months but that you've only spent time in person, a couple of times. That seems a little strange to me. If you both 'click so well' on the phone, then why haven't you spent more time in person??

 

Which brings me to my next couple of points. The phone calls and text messages dropped right off. He then tells you this sob story about losing his job and worrying about how he's going to support his *3* kids.

 

My guess? The guy is married or living with the Mom of his 3 kids. He travels a lot for business, and while he's on the road/not at home, he likes to chat it up with girls......then, when he's back home, the calls and text messages stop, obviously.

 

Have you been to his home?

 

Do you have his home number or only his MOBILE phone #?

 

Did he say he's divorced? For how long? How long was he married?

 

I'd be careful if I was you....sounds to me like he backed off cuz he's back with his wife/family.

 

L

[Tony T]

Excellent points. Naive me, I didn't think of that...but the butthole could easily be married. There are just a couple of men in the world capable of that kind of crap.

 

Jenny, you ought to get all of Laurynn's questions answered for yourself. If this guy won't allow you to come see him at home, meet his kids or otherwise be a more significant part of his life...you have just been duped!!!

[jenny]

Laurynn - thank you - A lot of questions there and great ones too.

 

I have been to his house and do have his home number. He's never been married but lived with her. She moved out around 4 months ago. He has the kids some days but kids live with her. We don't spend a lot of time together because he is a singer in a band and gigs a lot and also looks after his kids twice a week. At the moment I don't think he feels comfortable about me going around to his house with the kids there.

 

We talked online last night for around 2 hours. I was 'invisible' so he didn't know I was there and he logged on and I waited 5 minutes to see if he would ask if I was there and he did. He seemed a bit more cheerful and says he hasn't lost interest. I texted him today (as didn't answer his phone) to ask if I can see him tonight (so much for playing hard to get). That was 3 hours ago and he hasn't replied. Won't go online tonight as I know he'll probably be on and expect me to be.

 

Although I have fallen for this guy, if he is not willing to see me much maybe I should give up on him, but then again hearing Tony's advise maybe I should be a bit more understanding.

So what's the situation with you two. Do you live in the same town/city? When he's not on the road/travelling for work (well, until he supposedly lost his job, that is), do you get to spend much time together? I got the impression that you didn't...because you'd mentioned that you've known each other for *2* months but that you've only spent time in person, a couple of times. That seems a little strange to me. If you both 'click so well' on the phone, then why haven't you spent more time in person?? Which brings me to my next couple of points. The phone calls and text messages dropped right off. He then tells you this sob story about losing his job and worrying about how he's going to support his *3* kids. My guess? The guy is married or living with the Mom of his 3 kids. He travels a lot for business, and while he's on the road/not at home, he likes to chat it up with girls......then, when he's back home, the calls and text messages stop, obviously.

 

Have you been to his home? Do you have his home number or only his MOBILE phone #? Did he say he's divorced? For how long? How long was he married? I'd be careful if I was you....sounds to me like he backed off cuz he's back with his wife/family.

 

L