Briefly what i'm struggling with (breakup)

[greg57]

30yo male here

seeing 26yo with 2 kids for around 9 months

she moved to my area to be closer to me

has an ex who was apparently an alcoholic, never home, cheated on her multiple times, never spent time with their kids

she to this day told me she couldn't fault me, i apparently made her happy, everything about me was better than previous relationships

i could never fully commit to moving in with her as she remained in contact with her ex this whole time

he basically begged for her back for 7 months then ended up with her old best friend the past 2 months

i work alot and noticed everytime i spent time with her, her ex would message her he seemed very needy, apparently in their relationship he was super controlling etc

today is sunday: wednesday night i brang her dinner after work, we sat down to eat, her ex msgd her

i told her i can't deal with it anymore she needs to set some boundaries he just seems to constantly be interfering with things. i got up and went home and expressed my disappointment that she couldn't give me just that bit of respect, she said she was done and blocked me. i also blocked her on all socials.

2days no contact friday night at midnight i got a text "miss you" i replied "really" she replied "mm"
i didn't respond
saturday the girl her ex was with msgs me telling me the 2 of them slept together and thinks they might be back together, just like that.

i'm still in no contact calling it day 2 today as i replied to the 'miss you' text

on the self improvement binge, keeping busy, confident i can hold no contact but struggle to wrap my head around the miss you text and the fact i hadn't done anything wrong and i was left for someone of lower value than myself just because i took a stand against feeling disrespected

also another challenge is i moved to a different area a year ago, barely know anybody and unfortunately committed myself to this girl and lost contact with friends & other women.

thanks a bunch for reading

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Edited October 15, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed IG name

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, njayjay said:

unfortunately committed myself to this girl and lost contact with friends

That isn't commitment. That's some kind of unhealthy dependence on a relationship. Why did you let this happen? 

3 hours ago, njayjay said:

i hadn't done anything wrong and i was left for someone of lower value than myself

This guy was never really gone to begin with. She's kept him on the back-burner this whole time, unfortuantely. The writing was on the wall here. 

3 hours ago, njayjay said:

seeing 26yo with 2 kids for around 9 months

she moved to my area to be closer to me

She sounds messy too, though. 9 months and she'd already uprooted her kids? That's too soon. You're not dealing with a woman who has great judgment and decision-making skills. There were red flags all over this. I am sorry you're hurting but you have dodged a bullet here. She isn't the best choice of partner for you. 

3 hours ago, njayjay said:

i brang brought her dinner after work,

I couldn't help myself. 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, njayjay said:

saturday the girl her ex was with msgs me telling me the 2 of them slept together and thinks they might be back together, 

Sorry this is happening. Her life is too unstable to be ready willing and able to date. She has children with this man and they're in an on/off relationship.

How did her ex's other GF get your contact info? Wash your hands of this drama and permanently delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps.

Continue working on yourself and getting settled in your new location. Try getting a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting local available single women who want what you want. 

[glows]

About the “miss you” text, people say stupid sh-t when they’re lonely. Just ignore it and delete/block her from all avenues. 

She may have her reasons for not committing to you and you asking her to have more boundaries triggered a reaction as she didn’t like you trying to control her relationships. Don’t you see what’s happening? She’s been oppressed for too long by a lousy partner and is reacting to your request to have more boundaries as a criticism. I don’t know how this played out. Did you raise your voice and get pissed? Either way, she’s not happy with you or the delivery and you’re both not compatible.

Are you enjoying this new town and what it has to offer? You said you moved a year ago and at the top of your post, she moved to be closer to you - what does that mean? Is she down the road or ? Do you need to even be in that town? Why not move if it doesn’t suit your lifestyle/tastes?