do I give him another shot?

[feelingwornout]

I'm at the crossroads in my 2 1/2 year relationship.  Until recently, I was generally happy but then something came over me about the entire relationship and if I should stay.

I decided to take a break of a few weeks and made a list of my issues so when I met my bf again last week, I told him my concerns.  While he has tried to "fix" some of them, the one that is really troubling is he seems to be somewhat resentful of my relationship with my adult kid. He resents if I just go and see my child w/o him - this actually happened on Mother's Day (it's far away and involves a plane ride).

His only response was that he wants to get to know my kid better so they feel more comfortable with him in my life and he is not a "threat". My kid doesn't like him at all and even though I think part is b/c I'm a widow and they aren't happy with me dating in general they don't like him b/c he acted somewhat selfishly. He never took ownership of this issue but complained he wasn't included in Mother's Day as my partner. 

In any event, I was ready to break up with him when I met him and he kept saying what we have is so special and then countered with the things that happened where he was hurt and said he keeps those things on the side and looks at the bigger picture.  He hugged me and said he brought his bag in the car and wanted to follow me home. I said "no" I need to think about this. He asked the next day to come over and I told him I was sick with a cold (which is the truth). He wrote a note to me before we met and kept on saying how he was suffering without me, etc. He never asked how I was feeling though.

I really don't know what I want to do. I sort of miss him but not sure where to go from here. I do believe he loves me and would try hard to make it work ; he offered to see a therapist with me.  

[Weezy1973]

3 minutes ago, feelingwornout said:

, the one that is really troubling is he seems to be somewhat resentful of my relationship with my adult kid.

Yes this is troubling. And I’d add having to write a list of issues with the relationship is problematic as well. If it’s at a place where you need to list multiple issues, I think it’s fair to say the relationship isn’t working. Not that relationships never have issues - they do - but in a healthy relationship they’re discussed and resolved well before any kind of list making step. 
 

Him loving you isn’t enough in this case. Time to move on.

[FMW]

I think you need to pay attention to what led you to take the break, and pay even more attention that after time apart you seem to not be too interested in continuing together.  "Sort of" missing him doesn't say much for the chance of things improving.  After two and a half years, your feelings should be solid on whether or not you see a future with him.  

[basil67]

23 minutes ago, feelingwornout said:

My kid doesn't like him at all and even though I think part is b/c I'm a widow and they aren't happy with me dating in general they don't like him b/c he acted somewhat selfishly. He never took ownership of this issue but complained he wasn't included in Mother's Day as my partner. 

What selfish behaviour did your boyfriend do?   And what was the background to the "selfish" behaviour?

Edited October 16, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, feelingwornout said:

. My kid doesn't like him at all and even though I think part is b/c I'm a widow and they aren't happy with me dating in general they don't like him b/c he acted somewhat selfishly. 

Please listen to your adult children. Unfortunately they have been warning you about him for a long time. Are you using a different user name for each question about the situation? Is this the same man?:

 

Edited October 16, 2023 by Wiseman2

[glows]

I don’t think it’s on him to decide to spend more time with your adult child. That child lost a parent and this man’s whining about spending Mother’s Day with the two of you is really something else. Does he have anything else better to do but whine constantly? And then he has the gall to say that he puts “things on the side and looks at the bigger picture”. Is this a joke? It’s a constant push and pull and whiny mind game. Let’s bait with the whine and then add cheese. He whines, you feel put off.

He says it’s all okay and he can look at the big picture. Cheese.

Well, no, he can’t (look at the big picture). If he was looking at the big picture he would have not kept going on about Mother’s Day and let your family warm up to him more naturally.