JohnnyB123 Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 I’m a 35M and I have been hanging out with a 25F a few times over the past 3 weeks. I’ve known her for a couple of years and we’ve ran into each other at bars a handful of times but this has been the first few times we’ve purposely hung out. The first time I invited her out we went to a concert and she would grab my hand when we walked around. I took this as just her not wanting to get lost/separated in the crowd. The second time we hung out in a group setting so nothing really happened except her asking me to stay longer. And the last time I saw her, she grabbed my hand in our Uber to the concert. Rested her head on my shoulder, held my hand walking around, and she wrapped my arm around her at the concert. I thought we would hang out after the concert but she said she was tired and was going home even though she took off work the next day. Then when the Uber picked me up, I went for a hug and she went for the kiss but I botched it bc I wasn’t expecting it. Sunday night I text to ask her to get together on Thursday but haven’t heard back yet. This isn’t the first time she’s taken a day+ to respond. The slow texting and always going home early makes me question the way she acts when we’re in person. I guess I can’t really tell if she’s into me or just playing around? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 She seems to at least want to be romantic with you in person. You on the other hand can't seem to make a move. Stop with the hanging out BS & ask the lady on a date. Then you will know. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 She's made many displays of how much she likes you, what have you done in return? If she's not getting back to you it's because you made her feel like you didn't like her 'that way'. I agree with @d0nnivain stop with these 'hang outs' that's college kids stuff, ask her out on a date. Hold her hand, give her compliments, kiss her lips, hold doors, text her after the date to make sure she got home safe. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JohnnyB123 Posted October 17, 2023 Author Share Posted October 17, 2023 2 hours ago, JohnnyB123 said: I’m a 35M and I have been hanging out with a 25F a few times over the past 3 weeks. I’ve known her for a couple of years and we’ve ran into each other at bars a handful of times but this has been the first few times we’ve purposely hung out. The first time I invited her out we went to a concert and she would grab my hand when we walked around. I took this as just her not wanting to get lost/separated in the crowd. The second time we hung out in a group setting so nothing really happened except her asking me to stay longer. And the last time I saw her, she grabbed my hand in our Uber to the concert. Rested her head on my shoulder, held my hand walking around, and she wrapped my arm around her at the concert. I thought we would hang out after the concert but she said she was tired and was going home even though she took off work the next day. Then when the Uber picked me up, I went for a hug and she went for the kiss but I botched it bc I wasn’t expecting it. Sunday night I text to ask her to get together on Thursday but haven’t heard back yet. This isn’t the first time she’s taken a day+ to respond. The slow texting and always going home early makes me question the way she acts when we’re in person. I guess I can’t really tell if she’s into me or just playing around? The Thursday “hangout” was I invited her to see the Sweeney Todd musical at a our downtown performing arts theatre Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 The only way to know for sure is to suggest another outing and then tell her that it's a date, not just hanging out. She may be unsure of your intentions and is just playing it safe, so make your intentions clear. I will say that when a woman is doing this sort of thing before she really knows a guy, it's pretty much always an indicator of romantic interest. If you go on a few more dates and she's still doing this insistently, then you can conclude with greater confidence that she is interested in you. But you don't get many chances to make a first impression, so definitely take this opportunity to make clear that you want to pursue something with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 She may not want to actually get serious but does sound like she wants to have a sexual relationship with you (or at least did prior to you acting like you didn't know what to do). Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 17, 2023 Share Posted October 17, 2023 6 hours ago, JohnnyB123 said: Sunday night I text to ask her to get together on Thursday but haven’t heard back yet. She seems into you. It's great you set up something. It's only been 3 dates so try to slow down as far as extending them or sleepovers etc. As far as text response times, that varies too much from person to person. Keep in mind you're not exclusive or really dating yet so see how she responds to your invite to the theater. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 Has she still not responded to your Sunday text? I’m afraid the ship may have sailed with this one as she didn’t feel a spark or not enough chemistry if you were holding too much back. Id follow up with a last text and mention you were hoping to see her for a date this week. If she doesn’t respond or takes a long time, I think the disinterest is pretty clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted October 18, 2023 Share Posted October 18, 2023 Dude she grabs hand and rests her head on you and takes your hand in an uber and you're wondering what's up? If she wanted to be just a friend, at the concert, she would have announced, "Hey, let's hold hands just for safety. I don't want to get shoved away by the crowd." She would have that! I've been in crowds before and not held the hand of a woman friend. What's up with you not reading signals? You don't get interest more clear than this. Hopefully she'll respond, and she takes your hand again, you gotta look her in the eye and smile and lean in ... She rests her head on you, dude, you can kiss on her head in that situation, like a deliberately loud kiss. And that should get things started. Now, I don't want to shame you about going so slow. So you don't have to become a new super-confident person. But you do need to initiate some touch to reciprocate for the times she initiated. And you need to tell her some kind of open ended statement of how much you are enjoying her. And get your face closer to her face and look, SHE'LL initiate a kiss. Nothing wrong with being slow on signals. Lots of guys are me too paranoid and lots of guys just have trouble reading signals. Dude, holding hands is a plain signal. I have super close women friends and none of them have EVER held my hand while walking around anywhere! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Anotherkindofgreen12 Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 I (35m) have known a girl (25f) for a few years but never pursued anything bc I was in a long term relationship until this summer. A few weeks ago I had an extra ticket to a concert and invited her to come with me. This was the first time we’ve ever spent time together purposely (we’ve run into each other at bars and after hour events). She met me at the venue and grabbed my hand if we walked anywhere. As soon as we’d get to the bar or to a stopping spot she’d almost throw my hand. So I figured she was just holding it to not get separated/lost. After the concert she stayed out with me for a little bit but then left to meet some of her friends. Two weeks ago I went to an emo night with a friend and text her to ask if she was going - she said she was going with a friend and asked me to stay a little long so we could see each other. She hung out w me and my friend and then left to hangout with her friends there after an hour or two. She text me the next day saying she was so mad and wished she would’ve stayed hanging with us bc one of her guy friends grabbed her butt and she had never given him any reason to think they were more than friends and that she’d never even held his hand. Last Monday I texted her some pictures my photographer friend had taken of us the first time we went out. The pictures kept saying not delivered so I text to ask if she received them. She didn’t text back for two days and said she got them and to thank my friend for taking them. And also told me the story again about her friend grabbing her butt at the emo night the previous week which I thought was weird to mention again. Later that week we went to a concert together (we’ve had plans to go to this concert together for almost two months). She met me at my house and we ubered to the concert. On the way, she asked me to hold her hand. Then at the concert she did the same hand holding stuff while we walked anywhere. She also wrapped her arms around me at some points, rested her head on my shoulder, and put my arms around her waist. I thought we would spend more time together after the concert bc she took the next day off of work but she said she was tired and was going home. She suggested we Uber to my house together and then she’d just add a stop to drop her off after. When we got to my house I went for the hug to say goodbye and she went for the kiss. I botched it. I told her I didn’t expect that and went in for the kiss but it was a little awkward now especially w the Uber waiting. I asked her to text me when she got home safe and she did. The next day (Friday) she text me in the morning to ask me to send pictures of the merchandise table for a concert I was going to that evening bc she might want to get something. I said something like “of course! That will give us a reason to see each other next week” no reply. I sent pictures of the merch table when I got there but no reply. I text her during the last song of the concert to let her know it was the last song and she said “oh okay nevermind then. Thank you though!” I replied “you’re welcome. I’ll find another reason to hangout” Sunday night I text to ask her to go to a musical on Thursday but never received a response. I just wish I had more clarity on what happened. Idk if I came across as too desperate in my last texts or maybe too casual or maybe she lost her phone or maybe feeling self-conscious that she put effort - it could be a million things. I know she’s told me she’s painfully self-aware. Could I text her again and ask if everything is okay (or what should I say?) or do you think just leave it alone? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 46 minutes ago, Anotherkindofgreen12 said: one of her guy friends grabbed her butt and she had never given him any reason to think they were more than friends and that she’d never even held his hand. This is odd that she told you the above twice. Could it be that she is interested in this guy after he made that move? Yes, go ahead and text her one more time but if she doesn't answer back this time I'd leave her alone. Young girls are fickle. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 55 minutes ago, Anotherkindofgreen12 said: I thought we would spend more time together after the concert bc she took the next day off of work but she said she was tired and was going home. Unfortunately she doesn't seem as interested as you are. Perhaps she enjoyed the concert? Was she drinking or on club drugs? It seems like the plan to go back to your place after the concert didn't work out. You could try texting her again but she may be more interested in free entertainment than hooking up or dating. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 There is no need to post the same story under different names. You made your invite on Sunday to get together last night, she did not even acknowledge your invitation. She is being rude toward you. Don't let people treat you like this. Forget about her. 2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Anotherkindofgreen12 Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 39 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Unfortunately she doesn't seem as interested as you are. Perhaps she enjoyed the concert? Was she drinking or on club drugs? It seems like the plan to go back to your place after the concert didn't work out. You could try texting her again but she may be more interested in free entertainment than hooking up or dating. My only intention with her was friends until she initiated physical touch and kiss and I thought she might be interested. I don’t think she was on anything. She only had one drink at my house and then nothing at all at the concert not even water - that was also kind of weird to me. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 There are 3 threads so far on this same question and same woman in a span of less than 1 week. And the q is about whether to text this same woman after she didn’t reply last weekend. I think if you have to hesitate so much on this, I change my answer to No do not text her. You’re overthinking this way too much and something is clearly stopping you from reaching out. It’s obvious you’re not comfortable texting her so please don’t do it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 I thought this sounded familiar with more details, this time. It sounds like she wants what she wants in the moment but doesn't care about others unless it's super convenient for her. If she's not responding she's not interested. She has boundary issues. Based on how she was with you (her friend), you have to assume she is the same way with the guy who grabbed her butt. I suspect he didn't do it randomly & her behavior toward him like her behavior around you in person indicated to him that he had the green light to get physical with her because she was flirting. You have to assume that she's off telling some wild story about how inappropriate you were with her over the missed kiss. She doesn't strike me as particularly stable. Stop going out of your way for her. If you see her in person be nice. See what she does / says. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted October 20, 2023 Share Posted October 20, 2023 (edited) 2 hours ago, Anotherkindofgreen12 said: My only intention with her was friends until she initiated physical touch and kiss and I thought she might be interested. Agree not to text her. Most likely she lost interest. Next time be more clear on your intentions. Edited October 20, 2023 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lisa Posted October 20, 2023 Senior Moderators Share Posted October 20, 2023 @Anotherkindofgreen12 and @JohnnyB123 are the same member. Thread will continue under the latter username Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts