Difference of Opinion

[xDadofthreex]

My wife and I were in a pretty heated argument. We're both guilty of being childish and disrespectful to one another. However when we set down to discuss the situation we couldn't believe how differently we felt about it.

I took my wedding ring off and tossed it inside the house on a rug. 

My wife comes from the other room sees me tossing it and she runs up to it picks in up and throws it outside at me. But then I'm already getting on my bike and I thought I seen where it landed. Two days went by before she looked for it and said she couldn't find it. She then has looked for it whenever going to the car ect. I looked for it about a week later and nothing. I am mad and upset my wedding ring is gone.

This is where our differences come in.

I blame her and she blames me for losing it. I told her I didn't lose it. I tossed my ring inside where she clearly found it.

She blames me and tells me it's my fault because if I hadn't did what I did and wouldn't have did what she did and it wouldn't be lost.

Needing opinions please and why you think that.

Thank you very much!

 

[d0nnivain]

You are both at fault.  You could have taken it off & put it in a drawer.  She should not have thrown it but you could have looked for it before taking off on your bike or when you came home.  She could have also looked for it when you left. 

Accept both of your roles in this, kiss, make up & buy a new ring.  

Even when you are mad, if you decide to take it off again, put it somewhere safe next time.  

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, xDadofthreex said:

I took my wedding ring off and tossed it inside the house on a rug. 

What was the argument about? Start there. Unfortunately you're arguing about arguing. Perhaps marriage therapy could help? You threw the ring off in a fit of rage so unfortunately you you're responsible for it. But please address the greater issue of serious martial conflict. 

You're in a power struggle. Even posting here seems like trying to find a judge and jury as to who's right, who's wrong. In the case you're both angry and acted out but want to blame the other. 

Edited October 18, 2023 by Wiseman2

[basil67]

You are at fault.  Had you not taken your ring off in a petty show threatening divorce, it wouldn't be lost now.  

I suggest that this be a wakeup call to both of you and you should start marriage counselling.

[MsJayne]

What happened that made you so angry that you took the ring off? If your wife makes you so angry that you sometimes regret marrying her, maybe you should consider relationship counselling, and if that doesn't help, perhaps divorce is the answer. As far as the missing ring goes, she was the one who threw it outside where it couldn't be found, the last person to see it, so the loss of it is on her. Your act sounds like frustration, hers sounds like spite. 

[basil67]

Bigger question is why you are both childish and disrespectful of each other when you disagree.   

Do you have children?

 

[glows]

Does she throw her wedding rings around also? I tend to think when this starts happening the marriage is on its last legs. They may be rings but they’re supposed to represent your love and your future together. The ring represents your decision to be together, love and respect one another. When you take it off in this way and throw it, it’s also what you think of your partner, throwing them as if they are disposable like garbage. 

In a twist of irony the ring is now gone and maybe so is the respect you once had for one another.

Instead of trying to figure out whose fault this was why not figure out how to work through those high tension moments and learn to time out. Stop giving into your tempers and emotions like this. If she triggers you tell her she knows what upsets you and you can’t keep doing this or fighting this way. Agree to come back to the topic another time.  

[NuevoYorko]

I find it kind of odd that you are focussed on who is the most blameworthy for the loss of your ring.

Assigning and quantifying the blame is meaningless.   Whatever conflicts the two of you are having, and the way you both go about dealing with them - that's what you need to be concerned about.  If you would like to remain married and have a decent relationship.

[FMW]

This is is the separation and divorce section.  So are you already in the process of separation or divorce?  If so, placing blame about this particular incident is just a waste of time.  It sounds like you are both passionate when it comes to expressing your annoyance or anger, so I'm guessing there are other similar examples.  

Some people thrive on passionate fighting, and have long marriages that seem to suit them.  

So without knowing if this incident was an aberration or if your marriage is already in the process of dissolving, I would just have to say I think you both acted badly.  

 

[S2B]

If this is the way they treat each other it may be appropriate to leave it in the divorce section. 
 

you are to blame. You took the ring off. What happens to it after that is still your fault since you took it off.

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

What happens to it after that is still your fault since you took it off.

I agree.  You threw it away as if it were nothing when you took it off and threw it into the carpet.

[S2B]

It sounds like you two have unreasonable ways of disagreeing.

IF you decided to stay - work on that… as well as your passive aggressive nature.

you should be capable of realizing YOU took the ring off and threw it - trying to place the blame onto her is despicable.