Not sure how to ask

[LostInLimbo]

Several days I posted "not sure where to start" in which I had very good advice from everyone. Right now we are still currently live together (my home) she's sticking to her decision that she's finding a place and again this decision was based solely on me requesting 2 things 1. her son who is aged 15 attend school and 2. he help out even a little around the house because we both work FT and I was denied these things.

My question is, is there a polite way of asking when they're are moving out? As it was left at  shes finding a place a week ago when I asked what her intentions were. I certainly know it takes time and can be costly to do so,  I just feel as maybe I should approach the question with some sort of caution as not to offend or look pushy or do I just wait to hear from her as to the date of when.

Thanks everyone 

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, LostInLimbo said:

is there a polite way of asking when they're are moving out? As it was left at  shes finding a place a week ago when I asked 

You need to give her adequate legal notice. Read up on tenant landlord laws in your area and give her a reasonable date. A week is certainly not enough time. There's no "polite" way to ask, there's simply a reasonable timeframe.

[LostInLimbo]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

You need to give her adequate legal notice. Read up on tenant landlord laws in your area and give her a reasonable date. A week is certainly not enough time. There's no "polite" way to ask, there's simply a reasonable timeframe.

Hi Wiseman, I actually wasn't suggesting a week, only wanted to get out there it's only been a week since our blowup.  The issue here is she's not renting from me, I invited them into my home as a partner to live here with every intention of being a family but unfortunately didn't turn out that way, but what I got from your response was generally what I was looking for.

Thanks for the feedback given, greatly appreciated 

[Lotsgoingon]

My question is, is there a polite way of asking when they're are moving out? 

You're not asking about being polite. You're asking if there is a way to speak to her that she doesn't respond with a tantrum. That's what you're asking. Be clear on the ask just you asking about being polite indicates you ARE polite. The issue isn't the politeness. The issue is the substance of the conflict you and she have. 

And the answer is probably no, there is no way to ask that doesn't provoke a tantrum. (Otherwise, you wouldn't be asking the question.) But you want to ask any way! Dude, how did you move in with a son who is as lost as this guy and a woman whose relationship with son doesn't aid him finding his way?!

Stop all this over-niceness. It gets you in trouble. Save that for people who are high functioning and do not throw tantrums and who impress you with the way they are raising their kid and whose kid impresses you! 

 

[d0nnivain]

You don't ask you tell.  It's your house.  

You quietly say something along the lines of, "I need to make plans.  Since we are broken up I would like you out by ____ "  Fill in date.   You don't argue.  You don't engage & you do not raise your voice.  This is a matter of fact transaction.  

I gave the EX I threw out 2 weeks.  He asked for 3 but showed me a lease & some other docs so I knew he was serious so I said yes not to be cruel.  I also gave him $500 toward moving expenses because that was how badly I wanted him out. 

[stillafool]

Give her a written 30 day notice to evacuate your home.  That is plenty of time for her to find and secure a place for her and her child to move.  It's best to give her written notice so she will know that you mean business and are not going to change your mind.  Her saying she'll find a place, could take years.