Can I get over this?

[Sunday]

First of all, hi to everyone, im new and this is my first post *waves*

 

Ok, now down to business, I found out about 4 weeks ago that my live in bf of 5 years was having an online relationship with a 19 yr old Swedish girl that he plays an online rp game with. I found out by finding his msn message history of their conversations where they were being romantic and at one point he even told her he loved her... he is 35 and I am 40 btw.

 

I know that some people with think that this isnt being unfaithful, as he hasnt kissed or had sex with this girl or even met her, his defence was that it was a fantasy and meant nothing but made him feel better because he has been depressed and she made him feel wanted and liked.

 

He swears that this is over although he still plays his game where she is, and still talks to her there.

 

Finding this out has really given my self esteem a huge knock, I feel old, ugly, unattractive.... ive even seen a pic of this girl and she is very attractive, so how can I compete with that?

 

I have never ever been a jealous person in any of the 3 serious relationships I have had in my life, although I have never had reason to be before, but now I find that jealousy and lack of trust is ruining my relationship, we dont have sex and argue constantly about this every day because I bring it up and I dont seem to be able to stop myself, I check his pc all the time, but of course now he has changed pwords and deletes logs etc, but this just makes me more suspisious(sp).... I just cant seem to let this go. and dont know if I should call it a day or not on our relationship.

 

I dont really expect anyone to give me the answer here, but just getting this off my chest is a help, thanks for listening

[slubberdegullion]

Welcome to the Shack, Sunday.

 

Whether or not he's actually met this girl is immaterial. The point is that this contact with her is causing you some grief, especially given the fact that you've already told him that it hurts you.

 

It's probably a symptom of a larger problem, though. Before all this online stuff started, how was the relationship?

[Cubby_J]

I have to add that i to was a victim of this in my previous relationship (not the one I just made a post of). My ex also played these online role playing games. I didn't exactly find any love chat logs or anything of the like but she spent every waking hour playing this game to the point where i eventually left her. She had all of her online buddy's (all men) as well. Some would even call our house, Some even bought her stuff for her pc and had it delivered to our home so she could play the game better! At first i blamed the game, it is an addiction and breaks up families (look up everquest widows msg board, its unbelievable). But it also forced me to take a closer look at the relationship we were having and it had its problems that i solely blamed on the game.

 

Sorry to say but if he's deleting logs and changin password then he's hiding something. Which brings me to my current gf, who is pretty much doing the same thing, chattin and flirting with guys online is like a game to her an makes her feel better about herself, which led her to meet guys she talked to online behind my back, the eventually came home with a hicky and god only knows what else. See the pattern? I'm having difficulty accepting the facts too, its hard to believe someone could do this to you but we gotta be strong and see the truth.

[Sunday]

Welcome to the Shack, Sunday.

 

Whether or not he's actually met this girl is immaterial. The point is that this contact with her is causing you some grief, especially given the fact that you've already told him that it hurts you.

 

It's probably a symptom of a larger problem, though. Before all this online stuff started, how was the relationship?

 

 

Yes your right, the relastionship wasnt good before, we had problems, the trouble is the more and more problems we get the harder it is to fix it.