Thinking about my ex

[lilipard7]

So, yeah, hello, hope you who reads this have a good day :). Long story short, My ex and i were in close to 1 year relationship, but some things happened and we broke up, i will try to explain best i can. So we met eachother on carneval last year in like April, trought close friend of ours and ik i can't say this, that's on other people to say or see, but after that day, everything was perfect, normal, how it is supposed to be i guess in a  healty relationship. I am 22 years old and she is 24. We started dating and like i said everything was good, normal etc... She is living in third country, so like 600+km from me, so most of the time of our relationship, it was long distance and trough the telephone and stuff. I guess that's what you can only do when it's long distance. So in May, she returned to her home and we didn't saw eachother for like 3 months and then she came from the college pause (it's weird in my country with school, don't mind it haha) and we were together for like 2 whole months and that was amazing, again everything normal, good etc. Then started the "downfall" if i can name it like that :c. She returned to her home and we planned my trip after 30-ish days pass, to her home, and yeah i flew to her country, best time of my life honestly at that point. But (always that BUT), my dad was very ill, last stadium of cancer in his mouth, i don't know what's it called, but yeah, he was very ill about that time when i went to my gf, not to mention that that's like 2 whole years long, his battle with it so yeah. Third day with me being now with my gf in her home in like third country from mine hahaha, i get call from my mom that my dad passed away. I returned to my country... So you can guess, i hope, what next was happening. I was not there emotionally for my girlfriend, our relationship got so formally and idk what to call it literally, but sad, no communication, i caged my self somehow in myself and didn't let her help me or anything at all. And after 3 months of us not having a proper relationship and not communicating; i felt like we were some strangers at that point; she broke up with me cause it was brutal for her, and i can only imagine honestly, put yourself in her shoes. But, everytime we met after brake up or messaging or whatever, she always is implying on that like who knows what can happen in year, two, three, soooo yeah. Now my question is why after like whole year, and after all the stuff, why i can't let go of her, always thinking about her, and being letargic without a reason, only cause thinking of her. I even did like a student season job for 3 months and it did not helped at all. I was thinking maybe it will move my thoughts away but that was not the result, and not to talk with every other thing i do to forget about her, it's just not helping, even after a whole year now. How can i have feelings for her at this point.  I know it just was a bad timing, like she said when we were breaking up, but yeah, what am i hoping for here.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry about the death of your father.  Please accept my condolences. 

As fun as this relationship was when it was good, it was always more of a shipboard romance, whirlwind fantasy.  She may always be your exotic foreign love but she will also always be the one who got away.  That is how things like this go.  

You tried to overcome the distance but LDRs are difficult under the best of circumstances.  You two had more time together than most.  Hold on to those happy memories but stop trying to put this back together.  It was never meant to be more than it was.