Will she, won't she? Now, long distance?

[SezLo]

I'm 33, she's 26. We met at work about a year ago. I wasn't her boss, but I was formally above her so HR rules meant we couldn't date. We became fast friends. Close, but only at work. No contact otherwise. After about 3 months, it dawned on me how much I liked her. A couple of months ago, she announced she was moving 12 hours away in 4 weeks. I said forget the rules and asked her out. When I did, her mouth hit the floor, she was so surprised lol. She said no, I accepted it. A week later, through tears, she asks me if she can have a do-over and we go out. Over the next 3 weeks, we go out a lot and get really close. As close as you can get in 3 weeks. Then, she moved. I told her I'd give her space to start her new life and she agreed. But she texted and called every day since. I got the sense, more than anything, that she was more homesick than missing me. A week after her move, she told me she'd like for us to officially be a couple. Okay, I'm in, from 12 hours away..I guess? I'll admit, I'm in love with this woman. She's got me wrapped around her little finger and knows it. Therefore, I floated moving close to her in the near future. I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford something like that (where she lives is not very expensive). I told her to think about it, because my feelings for her are strong and I'd like to see where things might lead. A week later, she'd thought about it and we talked for 2 hours. She danced around it, but eventually more or less said she'd prefer if I didn't move near her. As soon as I said okay and that we'd put a pin in that conversation and that I definitely wouldn't be moving near her, she says how she is "really, really in love with me." Literally, within 15 seconds.

Someone please help me make sense of the signals this woman is sending me! Thank you. 

 

[Wiseman2]

Why did she move 12 hours away? Is she from another country? Are her friends and family there or did she take another job opportunity? 

Why not start by visiting each other in your respective places? She's a half a world away?  All you can do is see how the distance situation works out and visit each other. 

[d0nnivain]

She doesn't know what she wants & you might be the current cure for her homesickness.  

When do you think you will be able to see her again?  See how that goes.  Maybe in 6-8 months if you are still together you can revisit relocating.  Do not move directly in with each other.  Date conventionally.  Before you go through all that aggravation & expense really think about how you feel if you move but things don't work out.  What will your options be at that point?  Once you answer those Qs then you can make a decision.  

[glows]

What was the 2 hour conversation about really? She may not want to be responsible for issues or losses incurred if you break up and you move there. Is she living with family or on her own? 

It seems a bit too much too soon moving to where she is. Long distance doesn’t seem to sit well with you if you floated the idea of moving this early. Just reading betw the lines here - correct me if I’m wrong. You don’t see a future dating long distance. 

Her saying she’s in love with you at the end sounds more like deep appreciation for you human being to human being for respecting her wishes. She cares about you but this step is too soon and I get the sense you both discussed quite a lot in those 2 hours on various reasons for not wanting you to relocate closer. My question is did she flatly decline and did this sound like the end of things or was it left open ended and there’s a possibility down the road to be closer together? 

And second Q do you both continue to have the same employer and she works remotely? Please check with HR about working outside the country if this is the case and you decide this as there are rules about that and limitations before having to return.

[basil67]

9 hours ago, SezLo said:

said she'd prefer if I didn't move near her. As soon as I said okay and that we'd put a pin in that conversation and that I definitely wouldn't be moving near her, she says how she is "really, really in love with me." Literally, within 15 seconds.

Relationships need communication if they are to survive.  At this point, you should have responded with "I'm feeling really confused right now.  You said that you would prefer if I didn't move close and now you're saying that you are really really in love with me"   Can you explain why you don't want me near you if you really love me?

It's not too late to say it now.

[BaileyB]

When there is a discrepancy between someone’s words and their actions, believe their actions. “I love you but I don’t want you to move closer so that we can be together and see where this goes…” means that she is not serious about the relationship. A person who really loves another person doesn’t limit in person contact in this way -