A Love Story of Two Worlds

[MBar]

I want to begin my writing by mentioning God, the creator of everything on Earth and beyond.

As a start, I want to share some of my personal thoughts about what's happening in the world right now. I truly believe that humanity is in great danger, and we need to wake up. It seems like people have stopped thinking. The new ideas and innovations that should be improving our world seem non-existent. It's 2023, and yet we still witness violence, conflicts, and social divides. Is this the progress we were hoping for? Is this the right way to make the world better? What about politics and human rights? Where are they? I believe that with time, things are getting more complicated and even worse.

All these beliefs stem from a story that began in 2019—a love story.
 

It's a love story between two people who feel like they're one soul, but from today's human perspective, they're seen as being from different worlds. Why? Simply because they follow different religions. And then what? Aren't we all humans? Our differences are what make life interesting and meaningful. We're wonderful because we're diverse—different in colour, gender, beliefs, and ways of thinking. But at the core, we're all human, and we need to respect each other.

Why do we see ourselves as being from different worlds? Just because of religion? Why all this negativity? What about finding common ground? What about the puzzles we used to solve as kids? They created beautiful pictures in the end, but no puzzle was the same as another one.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts. I'll share the full story as soon as I can.

[basil67]

I'm wondering who the "we" is in your story?  Because I'm seeing more mixed cultural marriages than ever before.  And yes, they find common ground...though it's a lot easier if their families support the mix.

 

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, MBar said:

It's a love story between two people who feel like they're one soul, but from today's human perspective, they're seen as being from different worlds. Why? 

Are you in a relationship with someone from a different culture/religion? How long have you been dating? How old is she? 

Are either of your families or anyone else opposed to your situation?  

[glows]

Yes please do - share the whole story. I’m mixed, family is mixed, friends are mixed and interfaith. No negativity. We can break down those walls if we want to but it takes acceptance and thinking outside the norm. 

[MBar]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm wondering who the "we" is in your story?  Because I'm seeing more mixed cultural marriages than ever before.  And yes, they find common ground...though it's a lot easier if their families support the mix.

 

"We" means all of us humans, talking in a general way.

Specifically, the story revolves around me and a Yazidi girl. I'm unsure if you're familiar with their religion, but I'll share the story in general and highlight the main challenge, which is rooted in their religious beliefs.

[MBar]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you in a relationship with someone from a different culture/religion? How long have you been dating? How old is she? 

Are either of your families or anyone else opposed to your situation?  

Indeed, you're correct. We've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years. She is 25, and I'm 26. This is mainly connected to religion; she follows the Yazidi faith. I'll give a general summary of our story and shed light on the associated challenges.

[MBar]

8 hours ago, glows said:

Yes please do - share the whole story. I’m mixed, family is mixed, friends are mixed and interfaith. No negativity. We can break down those walls if we want to but it takes acceptance and thinking outside the norm. 

I'll certainly share the story. The initial aspect is that we believe. Nevertheless, I believe that some individuals may lack the courage to embrace change, holding onto certain negative habits under the guise of culture and religion. While I deeply respect diverse perspectives, cultures, and religions, in my opinion, if a culture or religion only benefits a specific group and doesn't contribute to the well-being of humanity as a whole, its drawbacks outweigh its advantages.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, MBar said:

. We've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years. She is 25, and I'm 26. This is mainly connected to religion; she follows the Yazidi faith. 

Do either of you need parental or cultural approval to marry? If you are not the same faith what is keeping you apart? You don't need to go into specific politics or religious beliefs but can you describe your relationship issues? 

[MBar]

The story begins when I met this girl at college in 2018. At first, I didn't know anything about her. She wasn't in my department or my year. There were two main things that attracted me to her: her beautiful smile and laughter, especially when she was with her friends, and the times I saw her sitting alone at the college coffee shop looking sad and lonely. Whenever I saw her like that, I felt she had serious problems and needed help.

Skipping ahead to when we became friends until February 2019, one day we went to a coffee shop and confessed our feelings to each other. I told her that we are from different religions I'm not sure about starting this relationship. She responded and said leave it for God and trust him! I was happy with her response, and we became close over the next five years, supporting each other through our studies and life's challenges.

In August 2023, we had a small misunderstanding, and we didn't talk for a few days. After we talked again, her family saw it as an opportunity to advise her to stop talking to me.

The main source of our problems was the differences in our families and religions, which had been lingering in our unconscious minds.

The problem lies in her religion, Yezidi, which has strict rules about marriage within and outside the religion. Her family is not aware of our situation. We're facing challenges due to the restrictions imposed by her religion, and she fears discussing it with her father because of potential harm. Women in her community are aware of the situation but can't do much to help.

Our only hope now is God. We believe that change is possible, and someone needs to challenge the norms that are not serving humanity. We trust in God's help because we aren't doing anything wrong, and whoever tries to keep us apart is in the wrong.

 

[MBar]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do either of you need parental or cultural approval to marry? If you are not the same faith what is keeping you apart? You don't need to go into specific politics or religious beliefs but can you describe your relationship issues? 

 

This stands as the primary issue. In this culture, especially for girls, and even more so in her religious context, particularly in situations like this one, the ultimate decision is not hers; it rests with her father and uncles. 

For a clearer understanding of my point, please refer to the latest post I shared.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, MBar said:

We trust in God's help because we aren't doing anything wrong, and whoever tries to keep us apart is in the wrong.

No, you are not in the wrong.

That said, it is perhaps a little naive to hope/expect that religious, societal, and cultural norms will shift to allow you to be together despite significant differences. Social and religious change in this part of the world tends to be slow, and is often two steps forward, one step back. Basic human/women’s rights are not always supported in this part of the world. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, MBar said:

Her family is not aware of our situation. We're facing challenges due to the restrictions imposed by her religion, and she fears discussing it with her father because of potential harm. 

Hopefully her family will not harm her for sneaking around with you. Please consider her safety first.  If she is scheduled for an arranged marriage, you need to step back. What would happen if her family finds out you are sneaking around with her? 

[mark clemson]

Yes, unfortunately some cultures/subcultures do enforce "insularity" to varying degrees.

There may be little you can do about this situation, unfortunately, at least not without risking very serious disruption to this young woman's life. It's a sad situation. I guess perhaps you can take some mild consolation from that fact that you're far from being the first person where social strictures prevented/disrupted a romantic relationship and you're likely far from being the last as well.

I would note, now in my 50's, that the young women I was seriously in love with back in my youth are "just women" to me now. I see them a bit more clearly without the rose colored glasses of love (not that I regret being in love with them at the time). The point being - if this doesn't pan out, well reality is there are (eventually) other fish in the sea...

Edited October 26, 2023 by mark clemson

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, MBar said:

 

This stands as the primary issue. In this culture, especially for girls, and even more so in her religious context, particularly in situations like this one, the ultimate decision is not hers; it rests with her father and uncles. 

At the end of the day she is an adult woman and she can do as she wishes. She has a choice to pick you or pick her family and her choice is made, she is choosing her family and it's ok. Half the planet does not care about human's right, this is bigger than you can chew. 

Don't put her in a situation where she has to abandon her belief and her family for you, she will resent you for it eventually. She deserves to grow old surrounded by the people that love her the most, marry in her faith, raise her children in her faith. 

It's time to move on and find a compatible partner. 

[S2B]

When there is this much resistance and adversity… it seems that the union will be difficult to come together long term.

can you just enjoy the relationship for now - knowing that her religion won’t allow this long term?

it says most marry young - like 13 years old! Why didn’t she marry young as expected?

Edited October 26, 2023 by S2B

[MBar]

5 hours ago, BaileyB said:

No, you are not in the wrong.

That said, it is perhaps a little naive to hope/expect that religious, societal, and cultural norms will shift to allow you to be together despite significant differences. Social and religious change in this part of the world tends to be slow, and is often two steps forward, one step back. Basic human/women’s rights are not always supported in this part of the world. 

I agree with you completely, and I'm really upset about it. But, I always believe there's hope, and I'm not the type to give up easily. I'm not saying I'll change the world, but if you truly want something, you can make it happen no matter what. Stay tuned, I'll share our latest decision and the reasons behind it.

Thanks for your comment!

[MBar]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully her family will not harm her for sneaking around with you. Please consider her safety first.  If she is scheduled for an arranged marriage, you need to step back. What would happen if her family finds out you are sneaking around with her? 

We're already taking precautions by not informing her father and uncles about our relationship. I'm uncertain about how they would react. I heard about a bad incident in 2007, so there's concern.

Even though her family may be different now, having lived apart for a long time, they might still restrict her freedom, like not letting her work or taking her phone. There's a slim chance they might agree, but they could cut ties with her. We've been trying to keep our distance for about 60 days.

We burned handwritten messages and deleted chats, but we realized it's not just about things, messages, or pictures. It's about how we feel for each other. I often say, if you find a beautiful stone on the beach and keep it for years, losing it would make you miss it. What if it's a person? And what if, instead of you choosing what is best for you, you become a victim of others' beliefs?

Thank you for your comment. 

[Gaeta]

37 minutes ago, MBar said:

ou become a victim of others' beliefs?

No, you are the victim of your own actions. You knew exactly what her situation was and still entered in a clandestine relationship for 5 years. You did not think of her consequences. Each year that goes by is time stolen from her, time to meet someone her faith and start a family. 

No, love does not conquer all. She has everything to lose, you lose nothing, what you're doing is selfish. Sometimes loving means letting go so the one we love can reach their full potential. 

What do you have to offer her? A life away from her family and her community? She does not want that.

Also, all you have known together is to hide and steel moments here and there. It will be different living together with her having lost all of her family for you. She will resent you. Then children will come and she will not have the support of her mom and sisters. Think of how the rest of her life will be being rejected by her love ones.

[S2B]

Are you married?

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, MBar said:

And what if, instead of you choosing what is best for you, you become a victim of others' beliefs?

Sounds to me like you are doing what’s best for you, placing her at risk.

Edited October 27, 2023 by BaileyB

[MBar]

On 10/26/2023 at 7:43 PM, mark clemson said:

Yes, unfortunately some cultures/subcultures do enforce "insularity" to varying degrees.

There may be little you can do about this situation, unfortunately, at least not without risking very serious disruption to this young woman's life. It's a sad situation. I guess perhaps you can take some mild consolation from that fact that you're far from being the first person where social strictures prevented/disrupted a romantic relationship and you're likely far from being the last as well.

I would note, now in my 50's, that the young women I was seriously in love with back in my youth are "just women" to me now. I see them a bit more clearly without the rose colored glasses of love (not that I regret being in love with them at the time). The point being - if this doesn't pan out, well reality is there are (eventually) other fish in the sea...

I don't want to regret things later. If the risk was only mine, I'd do it wholeheartedly, but she'll be affected too. So, I'm stuck for now.
Also, I get that you've been through similar stuff, but the fact that you still remember her, doesn't that mean something?

I'll have a solution to share later that can help lessen the risks we might come across. I'll be happy to hear your thoughts on it.

Thanks for your thoughts and advice.

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, MBar said:

I'll have a solution to share later that can help lessen the risks 

Is she at risk for honor killing or other severe punishment? It's sad you're willing to put her in danger for your own romantism. You may not agree, but I feel this is selfish and about ego and not about a love story or love. If you love someone you don't put them in danger to accommodate your beliefs. 

Edited October 27, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, MBar said:

I'll have a solution to share later that can help lessen the risks we might come across

There is no we in this story. YOU risk nothing! she does not only risk everything she is also putting herself in danger, of physical and emotional severe consequences. You don't even share 1% of what she'll be facing. It's pretty arrogant of you to use the *we risk*.

Edited October 27, 2023 by Gaeta

[S2B]

Are you married?

[MBar]

On 10/26/2023 at 9:15 PM, Gaeta said:

At the end of the day she is an adult woman and she can do as she wishes. She has a choice to pick you or pick her family and her choice is made, she is choosing her family and it's ok. Half the planet does not care about human's right, this is bigger than you can chew. 

Don't put her in a situation where she has to abandon her belief and her family for you, she will resent you for it eventually. She deserves to grow old surrounded by the people that love her the most, marry in her faith, raise her children in her faith. 

It's time to move on and find a compatible partner. 

I'll always respect her choice. She's unsure about what to do and feels torn between being with her family or choosing me. It's a challenging situation that I can't control (Bigger than I can chew). However, I believe in the saying "Little things make big days."

I would never hurt her. Unfortunately, there aren't many people who truly care about her. I don't want her to sacrifice her beliefs or the people she loves for me. What matters most to me is her happiness.

The purpose of this conversation is to give a heads-up to people in similar situations, share some insights, and spread love worldwide.

Thank you.