What happened with her?

[Jon5150]

I was dating a girl for a month and a half. We met on Hinge and also work for the same company. We had a great connection. We text almost every day. She seemed very into me. She talked about future dates and was very flirty on text. She showed me a ton of interest. We had seven dates. After the 3rd date, she seemed to get shyer. 5th date I felt like I was getting mixed signals, but we were physically close. We still had fun. 6th date she was off. I always told her she looked great when I saw her. We went on a hike and she told me the night before she was so excited to wear comfy clothes for our hike. When I saw her I said, "You look comfy!" She seemed offended by it. I said, "You still look great." And gave her a hug. We hiked for a few hours. She seemed sad or bothered. The week before, her grandma was diagnosed with cancer, so I figured she had that on her mind. The same week she told me about her grandma, she went dark on me for two days. I figured she needed space because of her grandma. She sent me a text later in the week and asked if we were still on for a hike over the weekend. I thouvht that was strange. I gave her a witty yes response. She laughed and sent me a smiley. She said she was glad and asked how my week was. After we finished our hike, she offered to drive me home since I had to Uber due to construction in front of my driveway. I didn't want to invite invite her in since my house was a little messy and was afraid she would get turned off thinking I was just trying to get her into the bedroom.  I leaned for a kiss. She gave me a peck. I tried to kiss her again and she leaned away. She hurried me out as she was afraid someone would drive up behind her. I thought, "Oh boy, did I screw up. She's mad that I didn't invite her in." I sent her a text and apologized. She told me not to be sorry and that she was glad to come home and shower. 

I invited her over Tuesday for dinner and pumpkin carving. She accepted. She showed up and was CLEARLY nervous. I gave her a tour of my house, and she seemed hunched over and had her arms folded. When I made dinner, she stood by the counter awkwardly, and I could tell something was bothering her. She had a look of nervousness, sadness, and looked worried.  I tried to carry the conversation, but she didn't seem too interested and shy. At one point, I walked behind her to get into the cabinet. I looked behind me and saw her shrug her shoulders with a strange look on her face. At one point, she helped me carry something, and I kissed her. She seemed to lighten up. She barely ate anything. We carved our pumpkins. I threw seeds at her to try to get her to lighten up. She didn't like it. "I don't think it's funny at all." With a mad look on her face. 

When we were done, I offered to watch a Hallmark movie with her as I promised I would eventually. I moved in for a kiss, and she said, "Maybe next time." I teased her and tickled her physically. She said, "NOPE NOPE." I said, "I'm just  teasing." I walked her out, and she told me to keep the pumpkin. She thanked me for dinner, and I kissed her goodnight. I knew something was up. I sent her a text and asked if she made it home okay. "Yes, I did. Thanks for dinner." I asked, "Are you okay? You seemed down tonight." She replied the next morning. 'I'm sorry to do this. After taking last night to process, I don't see this going anywhere. I appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. I wish you the best and hope you find the right person. Please respect my decision." I was a bit floored and confused. I said, "Well, I'm very confused by your actions and signals. If that's how you feel, I understand, and nothing I can do will change that. Good luck." 

She blocked me on messenger at work, snapchat, and even removed me as a match on Hinge. I was absolutely floored. She was very flirty in the beginning and talked about our future. After the 3rd date, she told me, "I bet I could get you to watch a Hallmark movie with me." That's why I offered. I thought this girl was it. We had such a good connection. Does she think I was simply trying to get her to sleep with me, and removing me from her life was a power move for her? She does have some childhood trauma due to her dad cheating on her mom and a bad divorce. I also sensed she may have some bad past experiences with guys. I was always a gentleman towards her and always planned dates. We spoke almost every day. She told me in the beginning that I checked all of her boxes.  However, I never mentioned the relationship topic because of her family health struggles. I didn't want to pressure her. I thought maybe she wanted to focus on her grandma and blocked me from her life so she wouldn't come back. I got a screenshot from a friend of her profile on Hinge showing that she was online today. "Welp..there goes that theory." I'm confused as to why she would completely block me when I feel like I didn't do anything wrong. Did she simply lose interest, and she blocked me out of guilt? Did she think I was only trying to get her to sleep with me, and she blocked me as a power move? Did she think I wasn't serious about us and she broke it off because of that?

[Mrin]

First off, sorry this happened. As for what happened... Who knows. If I had to put money down I would bet on one of two things:

1) she met someone else she liked more, or;

2) she didn't feel sexually attracted to you.

 

Don't stress it. Nothing you could do about either.

[Wiseman2]

36 minutes ago, Jon5150 said:

.I threw seeds at her to try to get her to lighten up. She didn't like it. "I don't think it's funny at all." With a mad look on her face.  I teased her and tickled her physically. She said, "NOPE NOPE."

Sorry this happened.  How old is she? Unfortunately she doesn't seem to appreciate your sense of humor especially throwing pumpkin seeds and tickling her.  Please observe this as a lesson on boundaries and perhaps more mature interactions.

Deleting and blocking after a "we're not a match" message is par for the course and perfectly fine. You could do the same. 

All you can do is move forward a bit wiser about how teasing isn't that funny or flirty. Please try to employ more appropriate forms of fun and affection. 

[Alpacalia]

Oh man who knows. Don't drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out.

[Jon5150]

42 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened.  How old is she? Unfortunately she doesn't seem to appreciate your sense of humor especially throwing pumpkin seeds and tickling her.  Please observe this as a lesson on boundaries and perhaps more mature interactions.

Deleting and blocking after a "we're not a match" message is par for the course and perfectly fine. You could do the same. 

All you can do is move forward a bit wiser about how teasing isn't that funny or flirty. Please try to employ more appropriate forms of fun and affection. 

I flirted playfully with her before. We went bowling on our 2nd date. Anytime she would get ready to bowl, I would poke her in the back. She laughed it off and at one point came over laughing saying, "I'm going to hit you in the balls my my bowling ball eventually." We played mini golf on our 5th date, and I would poke her in the leg or her butt with my putter before she she would putt. She laughed it off and blushed. She's 32 and I'm 35. She seemed more uptight on our last two dates. 

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, Jon5150 said:

 I would poke her in the back. She laughed it off . I would poke her in the leg or her butt with my putter before she she would putt. She laughed it off and blushed. 

Whatever the case, she was crystal clear that she didn't like having seeds thrown at her or being tickled. She ended the next day. 

Maybe she simply got fed up after trying to be polite and hoping you would eventually cut it out? 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Jon5150 said:

I flirted playfully with her before. We went bowling on our 2nd date. Anytime she would get ready to bowl, I would poke her in the back. She laughed it off and at one point came over laughing saying, "I'm going to hit you in the balls my my bowling ball eventually." We played mini golf on our 5th date, and I would poke her in the leg or her butt with my putter before she she would putt. She laughed it off and blushed. She's 32 and I'm 35. She seemed more uptight on our last two dates. 

Kindly, as I was reading this, I thought you must have been a young high schooler. I was shocked to find you are 35

  While I can’t speak for all women, I imagine that most don’t want to be poked, tickled or have stuff chucked at them.  And keep your home nice enough that you don’t have to worry about a visitor coming in.  

It’s time to use a bit more maturity when dating 

[Jon5150]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Kindly, as I was reading this, I thought you must have been a young high schooler. I was shocked to find you are 35

  While I can’t speak for all women, I imagine that most don’t want to be poked, tickled or have stuff chucked at them.  And keep your home nice enough that you don’t have to worry about a visitor coming in.  

It’s time to use a bit more maturity when dating 

Its playful banter. If you're too uptight for that, you're probably not right for me. It's about breaking the ice and getting comfortable with a person. My house was messy because I was in the process of finishing laundry and also making lunch for our hiking date. Otherwise, my house is clean. My house was near spotless when she came over. When it comes to dating maturity,  I'm always dressed very nicely. I was even dressed nice when she came over my place while she was dressed in a hoodie and jeans. I never made any sexual advances on her even though she sent me some fairly flirty text's that indicated that she wanted me to make sexual advances. When I would kiss her, I felt like she wasn't ready for it..so I didn't make those advances. After the 7th date, if you're bothered by light teasing, then you should reevaluate yourself or who you're with. If she was uncomfortable with that from the get go, she surely would've said something.  I always opened doors for her (even her own car door when I would walk her to her car) Playful banter and teasing doesn't mean you're immature with dating. She even told me she was shocked that she found a guy that opened doors and actually planned dates. 

[glows]

I think she was turned off by your personality and that’s not to say that you won’t meet someone else you mesh with. She just doesn’t like you and that’s ok. Very highly unlikely this is some psychological issue or past trauma problem. It wasn’t a match. 

[basil67]

26 minutes ago, Jon5150 said:

Its playful banter. If you're too uptight for that, you're probably not right for me. It's about breaking the ice and getting comfortable with a person. My house was messy because I was in the process of finishing laundry and also making lunch for our hiking date. Otherwise, my house is clean. My house was near spotless when she came over. When it comes to dating maturity,  I'm always dressed very nicely. I was even dressed nice when she came over my place while she was dressed in a hoodie and jeans. I never made any sexual advances on her even though she sent me some fairly flirty text's that indicated that she wanted me to make sexual advances. When I would kiss her, I felt like she wasn't ready for it..so I didn't make those advances. After the 7th date, if you're bothered by light teasing, then you should reevaluate yourself or who you're with. If she was uncomfortable with that from the get go, she surely would've said something.  I always opened doors for her (even her own car door when I would walk her to her car) Playful banter and teasing doesn't mean you're immature with dating. She even told me she was shocked that she found a guy that opened doors and actually planned dates. 

You wrote this thread trying to understand why she ended things, and I gave you an answer.  I know you see it as playful banter, but I haven't had something like this happen to me since the 7th grade.  And I bet she hasn't had it happen since she was a kid either.   She DID tell you she thought the pumpkin seed incident wasn't funny, so it stands to reason that she wouldn't have liked the poking and ticking either.  But no matter whether or not the games are acceptable, you're correct that she's not right for you.

Thanks for the correction of the state of your house.  Given that you didn't invite her in because it wasn't clean, I thought it must have been a disgusting mess of crazy stacked dishes which hadn't been washed for weeks, filthy toilet and crumbs everywhere.  A few scraps in the kitchen and some unfolded clothes isn't a problem if the house is otherwise in order. 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Jon5150 said:

if you're bothered by light teasing, then you should reevaluate yourself or who you're with

Which is exactly what she did, and let you go. 

You're very defensive about the banter. Understand that what you intend as light teasing might not be received well and annoy the crap out of someone else. There is a time and place for banter and joking aorund, but you don't seem to read the room well if it wound up irritating her - which it clearly did. 

Let this one go. She was not right for you, and vice versa. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Jon5150 said:

She replied the next morning. 'I'm sorry to do this. After taking last night to process, I don't see this going anywhere. I appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness. I wish you the best and hope you find the right person. Please respect my decision"

You're incompatible. She was crystal clear as as to "What happened with her?" She was visibly annoyed. 

She doesn't seem to enjoy your so-called sense of humor. 

 

Edited October 27, 2023 by Wiseman2

[giotto]

Mostly likely she met a better "candidate". Sorry it's happened to you.