Bipolar 2 Girlfriend ghosts me

[JohnBurgundy]

We've made things official 2 months ago. Had a good weekend with my gf, after flaking twice beforehand, she wanted to make it up to me and spent over $200 treating me out. She met my family at a party and even brought up about us getting a dog down the line. She offered to cook me dinner the next day at her place. She later texted me that night and I asked her what time she wanted me over for dinner

and she never replied back. I could see her online on socials and three days past before I reached out to check in on her and she says everything is great. I told her we should facetime that night (she has never said no) and she never replied. I checked in twice over the span of 2.5 weeks and she won't respond.

She told me when we made things official that if she ever becomes depressed, she'll let me know (which she has done well within the past). She told me that she would like to be left alone in this case but still wants my presence there. In some context, we had a pregnancy scare from the pull out method a week before our fun weekend, did it send her into a deep depression? When she ghosted me, she did reach out to let me know that she had her period. I don't know what to do from here, wait it out until she comes out of her depressive episode?

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

 she never replied back. I could see her online on socials and three days past before I reached out to check in on her and she says everything is great.

How long have you been dating? How old is she? Is she being treated? 

Please use appropriate contraception and STD prevention. Please get tested.

Unfortunately your GF seems quite unstable. Manic spending, manic ideas about getting a dog together, high risk sex, unpredictable and unreliable, etc.

Please reconsider the relationship and avoid headaches and heartaches by cutting your losses. 

[JohnBurgundy]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? How old is she? Is she being treated? 

Please use appropriate contraception and STD prevention. Please get tested.

Unfortunately your GF seems quite unstable. Manic spending, manic ideas about getting a dog together, high risk sex, unpredictable and unreliable, etc.

Please reconsider the relationship and avoid headaches and heartaches by cutting your losses. 

We were dating for over 2 months. She is 25. She isn't meeting other guys, I can guarantee that. She mostly spends her time playing video games online

 

I want her back though. She is medicated and goes to a therapist. The accident happened because she was on top. I was just wondering if maybe I caused her a depression episode or something? I read that bipolar can detach from lovers and lose feelings for a bit but they should return. I just don't know if it's the bipolar that pushed me away or she lost interest

[Wiseman2]

25 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I want her back though. . I just don't know if it's the bipolar that pushed me away or she lost interest

Sorry this is happening. It doesn't matter why she pushed you away.  She treated you horribly. Even if the sex was great, she doesn't seem like relationship material. It's only 60 days dating and already she flakes and ghosts. Please cut your losses. 

[ShyViolet]

First things first, start being more responsible with birth control.  This is a woman who you have only been in a relationship with for 2 months, who is mentally unstable.  It would be very irresponsible to let a pregnancy happen in this situation.

At only two months into the relationship, if she's already this erratic and uncommunicative with you, this relationship probably won't last much longer.  You should face that fact now and not waste any more time with this.

[JohnBurgundy]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. It doesn't matter why she pushed you away.  She treated you horribly. Even if the sex was great, she doesn't seem like relationship material. It's only 60 days dating and already she flakes and ghosts. Please cut your losses. 

She has had relationships in the past that lasted over a year or more. One of her ex’s did cocaine in front of her and she broke up with him immediately. She has confronted each ex and broke it off with them but she hasn’t with me.

 

she still has me on social media everywhere but she’s removed all of her exes. I posted a story of a house I’m renovating and she viewed it. She could’ve deleted me but she didn’t. Makes no sense to me

she was doing great at communication, I mean paragraphs detailing what was going on with her because she would get in and out. I believe she might’ve been hypomanic when we met but that last week or two, I 99% she was stable. 
 

I know if we get together again, I will use condoms. It was my fault and I should’ve used them from the get go. She told me she is looking for marriage and wants a family before 30.

I know bipolar can take over and do actions that a stable person wouldn’t do, I just don’t know if she’s actually stable and lost interest quickly or she is in a deep depression and has no feeling to contact me just yet. 
 

she took off a week of work this week. I’m just sad because we were supposed to go to her family Halloween party and dress up. I remember wanted to meet everyone like her grandparents (they were excited when she told them about me)

I want to give her the benefit of the doubt if it is actually the bipolar. 

[JohnBurgundy]

10 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

First things first, start being more responsible with birth control.  This is a woman who you have only been in a relationship with for 2 months, who is mentally unstable.  It would be very irresponsible to let a pregnancy happen in this situation.

At only two months into the relationship, if she's already this erratic and uncommunicative with you, this relationship probably won't last much longer.  You should face that fact now and not waste any more time with this.

She was very communicative, it’s just this time around she stopped abruptly. I explained more in the other comment I just posted 

 

A few days before the weekend, I did reassure her that if she was actually pregnant that I will stick around and would like the relationship to continue as it was. She was relieved and was happy that I was supportive. I will wear protection with her from now on (if she comes back) 

[basil67]

@JohnBurgundy if she's disappeared on you once, she will do it again.  Before you get back together again, decide if you're OK with this.  

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I don't know what to do from here, wait it out until she comes out of her depressive episode?

If she has walked away, let her go…

Seriously, she has shown you how she operates in a relationship - when someone shows you who they are, believe them. 

 

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

@JohnBurgundy if she's disappeared on you once, she will do it again.  Before you get back together again, decide if you're OK with this.  

I'm ok with it if it is reasonable. But I will tell her that's everything isn't daisy and roses over here, It's kind of fked up. I told her I'm really big on communication so she knows. I just feel like it's not the actual her right now but the Bipolar has taken over. If we were living together, It'll probably be more tolerable but not knowing what's going on is not fair to me. Like I will tell her if she fails to say anything the next time, I'm immediately showing her the door. 

She did imply about moving in with me and getting a dog further down the line (I just got a house and renovating it as we speak) once it is done. and I told her, maybe if you keep playing your cards right. I posted me having the key yesterday and she viewed it so I'm getting it renovated whether she's in my life or not

But I'm taking a huge guess that it is depression rn, she's been flip flopping on what she's liking but she is liking more depressive stuff lately about sleep, etc. than previously. Idk if I should reach out one final time or just let it go, act like I'm single and see if she responds back once she's out of her depression. What do you think?

[JohnBurgundy]

38 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

If she has walked away, let her go…

Seriously, she has shown you how she operates in a relationship - when someone shows you who they are, believe them. 

 

Do you have experience with anyone or an SO with bipolar?

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, JohnBurgundy said:

. I just feel like it's not the actual her right now but the Bipolar has taken over.

Perhaps only time will help you heal. Yes this is the actual her. The excitement, great sex,  thrills and chills of infectious mania can definitely lure you in and you're probably hoping those highs to return.

For example dating 60 days and talking about moving in together and getting dogs together. That's a huge red flag among the many others such as standing you up, disappearing, ghosting,etc.

But you seem to be chasing the high you felt. That's ok, it may take some more time and hurt and disappointment until you're over it. 

[JohnBurgundy]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Perhaps only time will help you heal. Yes this is the actual her. The excitement, great sex,  thrills and chills of infectious mania can definitely lure you in and you're probably hoping those highs to return.

For example dating 60 days and talking about moving in together and getting dogs together. That's a huge red flag among the many others such as standing you up, disappearing, ghosting,etc.

But you seem to be chasing the high you felt. That's ok, it may take some more time and hurt and disappointment until you're over it. 

I think she was stable when she said all that. I’m totally sure of it. She was a little hyper when I met her but she came down in the middle. She would have depressive days and then be back to normal. Her eyes weren’t dilated and they were normal during that week. Her crazy affection start regressing slowly after we made things official so she was coming down from it.

One day she was depressed and had to cancel on me and I got her a box of chocolates and left it her place and she told me “she is glad I’m so supportive and I remembered her favorite chocolate and that she doesn’t deserve me”

so it seems to me, she was still aware of me as she got out of her hypo-manic and was still continuing to see me. So her feelings had to have been justified that week

and she was talking further down the line. I mean house renovations are going to take anywhere from 4-7 months to complete. I even asked “move in?” And she goes “I meant further down the line, next year sometime”. 

[basil67]

46 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I'm ok with it if it is reasonable. But I will tell her that's everything isn't daisy and roses over here, It's kind of fked up. I told her I'm really big on communication so she knows. I just feel like it's not the actual her right now but the Bipolar has taken over. If we were living together, It'll probably be more tolerable but not knowing what's going on is not fair to me. Like I will tell her if she fails to say anything the next time, I'm immediately showing her the door. 

Remember that people are on their best behaviour early in a relationship.  And if this is her at her best behaviour, what's she like when she relaxed into it?

46 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

She did imply about moving in with me and getting a dog further down the line (I just got a house and renovating it as we speak) once it is done. and I told her, maybe if you keep playing your cards right

Her suggestion of moving in was very presumptuous.  She should know to wait for an invitation.

That said, I'm also wondering if you literally say the bolded?  Because it sounds a little patronising and I wonder if it rubbed her the wrong way.  It would have been far better to say  or "It's a bit early now, but let's see how things are going in a year or so"

If you didn't literally say it, please ignore the above    

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, JohnBurgundy said:

Do you have experience with anyone or an SO with bipolar?

I work with people who have been diagnosed with mental illness.

Is she seeing a psychiatrist and taking any medication?

 

[BaileyB]

51 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Her suggestion of moving in was very presumptuous.

Indeed, considering that you’ve been official OP for two months, any discussion about getting a dog and moving in together is very presumptuous. People certainly rush relationships all the time, but this is also the kind of thing that someone would say/do during a manic episode. 

Edited October 28, 2023 by BaileyB

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

Remember that people are on their best behaviour early in a relationship.  And if this is her at her best behaviour, what's she like when she relaxed into it?

Her suggestion of moving in was very presumptuous.  She should know to wait for an invitation.

That said, I'm also wondering if you literally say the bolded?  Because it sounds a little patronising and I wonder if it rubbed her the wrong way.  It would have been far better to say  or "It's a bit early now, but let's see how things are going in a year or so"

If you didn't literally say it, please ignore the above    

I did say it but I also said it with a smirk. It was just a tease.

 

Just like how she goes “you’re not as cool as me” or “I guess you’re cool” and rolling her eyes 

I think she said “if you play your cards right” back to me. And I think I said I always have a good hand, it’s just banter 

 

I will say when we were going to the arcade. A song came on and it had something about girls kissing eachother in the lyrics. I asked if she ever done that and she said yes and I said she also mentioned she did the deed. and is bisexual. I jokingly asked if she ever been with her best friend and she said “eww no she’s not my type” and I asked her what her type was. So I jokingly said “oh that means we can have a threesome then (;” and she said she doesn’t date girls and she couldn’t share her person. And I got serious and said I could share my person either and rather keep things 1 on 1. Then we laughed about how people can be cucks and such 

 

I still loved her response to that because she said something similar a month ago but I probably shouldn’t have been poking the bear so to speak. I thought maybe bringing that topic might’ve rubbed her the wrong way? But she still invited me out the next day and also suggest cooking me dinner for the day after that. 

 

 

[JohnBurgundy]

49 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Indeed, considering that you’ve been official OP for two months, any discussion about getting a dog and moving in together is very presumptuous. People certainly rush relationships all the time, but this is also the kind of thing that someone would say/do during a manic episode. 

She wasn’t manic though. Her sex drive dipped by then. She became less affectionate overtime. We didn’t have sex or anything after the incident took place. Which was over 2-3 weeks. She would cuddle for like 2 mins and get up when we’re watching a movie. If I were to initiate, she would get up after a couple mins. She used to kiss me randomly throughout the movie and she stopped doing that. There was definitely a change. 
 

when we would walk out in public, she would initiate holding my hand but stopped doing that. Especially her compliments. Used to compliment me on everything and stopped that. So she definitely wasn’t manic when she talked about that 

 

I will say my dad giving me the house said “this is your wedding gift” which was weird of him to say in front of me and her. My sister and her fiancé just bought a house so we went to her party, and my neighbor got them all these flowers for their wedding. After we left, I joked saying “if we ever get married, we’re gonna use her as our flower lady lol” and then further down the road, that’s when she brought up the house and put the idea of “when I move in your new house, we’re getting a dog” etc.  

Edited October 28, 2023 by JohnBurgundy

[JohnBurgundy]

52 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I work with people who have been diagnosed with mental illness.

Is she seeing a psychiatrist and taking any medication?

 

Yes, she is taking medicine, seeing a psychiatrist and going to a therapist 

 

I do know that weekend, she was supposed to get new supply of medicine but they all became destroyed in the mail. We went to her parents house and she showed me that weekend. I mean she still had 2 weeks worth of this pill, but I’m not sure if she had gotten a new rotation of additional medicine to take alongside that pill. She is bipolar 2 

[glows]

If you’re so convinced it’s her mental health then let things be and see whether she reaches out. I think it’s bizarre that she’s talking about dog adoptions and moving in this early at only two months. Then you egging on the situation and teasing her about “if you play your cards right”. That comment alone would make my blood curdle. It’s a common phrase yes but it also suggests you’re willing to let her room for free or as a tenant on your property with no equity in the home. That’s a terrible decision on her part if she agrees. Not romantic at all. Bear in mind if things go sideways it may be very difficult getting rid of her.

I understand you also meant loosely later on down the line but even at 6-8 months this makes no sense as it’s too much too soon and again she’s just a renter or living rent free on your property. How does she support herself? Does she work? Can she hold down a job?

I think you dodged a bullet. I’ve no doubt she is a sweet person and loving as well on her good days. I am extremely empathetic to mental health issues. You seem to be caring in general but slow things down. Maybe she wants to slow things down as well as it’s moving way too fast and it isn’t anything to do with her mental health at all. She’s not communicating with you and might have decided to end this as a kindness to you. Don’t read too far into it. Just let it be.

[JohnBurgundy]

13 minutes ago, glows said:

If you’re so convinced it’s her mental health then let things be and see whether she reaches out. I think it’s bizarre that she’s talking about dog adoptions and moving in this early at only two months. Then you egging on the situation and teasing her about “if you play your cards right”. That comment alone would make my blood curdle. It’s a common phrase yes but it also suggests you’re willing to let her room for free or as a tenant on your property with no equity in the home. That’s a terrible decision on her part if she agrees. Not romantic at all. Bear in mind if things go sideways it may be very difficult getting rid of her.

I understand you also meant loosely later on down the line but even at 6-8 months this makes no sense as it’s too much too soon and again she’s just a renter or living rent free on your property. How does she support herself? Does she work? Can she hold down a job?

I think you dodged a bullet. I’ve no doubt she is a sweet person and loving as well on her good days. I am extremely empathetic to mental health issues. You seem to be caring in general but slow things down. Maybe she wants to slow things down as well as it’s moving way too fast and it isn’t anything to do with her mental health at all. She’s not communicating with you and might have decided to end this as a kindness to you. Don’t read too far into it. Just let it be.

Well I messaged her a few days ago (it’s been a week since I reached out) and said “hey we talked about this weeks ago but are you still going bowling w/ my fam?” And she never answered. It’s been 2 days 

 

I mean I’m cool with slowing things down, if that is what she is worried about. And if we got to that point, I would have her pay like 1/4 of the mortgage to help out or just get groceries if she were to move in. I mean none of that was discussed, I don’t think it’s that big of a deal until that stuff is brought up. 
But I meant “playing cards” like if our relationship makes it long term (cause who knows about the future). Nothing about equity of the house 

but yes she has a great federal job. She has her own apartment and her lease doesn’t end until middle of next year so we would’ve dated for over 8-9 months at that point if that conversation about moving in was brought up again. She said it casually too so I think she was just seeing what my reaction would be to her saying that, nothing serious at all. 
 

she told me if she gets into a relationship, she’s looking for marriage down the line. She wants something very serious and want to have a family at least before she turns 30.

 

Could it also be self sabotage? Like everything is going too perfect? Because her ex’s treated her terribly by yelling and verbally abusing her. She also was like a mom to them and a maid, picking up after them and cleaning all the time. 

Edited October 28, 2023 by JohnBurgundy

[glows]

That wasn’t what I meant about her paying rent or it having equity in her home of her own but don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t read into why she’s not responding. Treat this as disinterest. There’s nothing you can do or should do at this point as anything else is harassment or stalking. She’s not responding so stop torturing yourself. You just bought your home and should be celebrating not focusing on someone who may not be interested. 

Im a bit puzzled why you’re so invested in figuring her out. Do you really want someone like this who can disappear for days in your life? You may care and we all have feelings - we can’t help that. But think very rationally here about whether you want her in your life. Or is it the not knowing that’s doing you in and you do realize this isn’t a good idea?

[JohnBurgundy]

33 minutes ago, glows said:

That wasn’t what I meant about her paying rent or it having equity in her home of her own but don’t worry about it. I wouldn’t read into why she’s not responding. Treat this as disinterest. There’s nothing you can do or should do at this point as anything else is harassment or stalking. She’s not responding so stop torturing yourself. You just bought your home and should be celebrating not focusing on someone who may not be interested. 

Im a bit puzzled why you’re so invested in figuring her out. Do you really want someone like this who can disappear for days in your life? You may care and we all have feelings - we can’t help that. But think very rationally here about whether you want her in your life. Or is it the not knowing that’s doing you in and you do realize this isn’t a good idea?

I mean it just irritates me that we both agreed that we wanted something serious. That if there are any problems in the relationship, that we'll bring them up and work through them (I told her most people don't date or invest anymore, like 1 little red flag and they're gone and she entirely agreed on me how dating is nowadays). I mean if there are problems, I'd like to resolve them and I get it, she has to talk for that to happen. 

 

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, have you ever seen a bipolar person just drop off the face of the earth like this? My last ex broke things off with me in person. I never had a girlfriend or heard of one just outright ghost even after a fun weekend, usually there is some arguments at least. I know if we weren't official, then it would make more sense but I'm at least owed someone being her bf. It's just idk if we are still in a relationship or not? 

 

It makes no sense because I'm pretty sure she was stable when we had that weekend. But I agree, there's not much I can do because it will seem like harassment. She hasn't removed me off any social media or the game. I even posted about the house and holding the key on my snap story and she saw it. Like I was thinking of just telling her I'm ending whatever this is if she doesn't want to work things out and if she is going through a depression to let me know so I can wait around at least until she's back to her usual self or should I just leave it, go no contact and see if she reaches out?

 

It just sucks because I ordered this lantern for her a month ago. It is about her favorite game (only game she really plays. This game is the reason we first started talking in the first place) anyways, it was from Etsy, took over a month for the person to custom make it and it finally came in a few days. I wish I could've given it to her because I know it would've made her cry for how thoughtful it is. Another thing is that, she knows my mom. They used to work with eachother and my mom was trying to set me and her up for years (which I didn't know) and she was telling me how my mom was basically cockblocking me by saying I'm an introvert and didn't go out and drink so much (she said she wasn't looking for a guy like that years ago but after her trash relationships, she decided she wants a serious relationship) and decided to give this a shot. I mean I didn't think we would get this far and either did she, as she said she wasn't looking for a relationship at the time and it just seemed like destiny with the instant connection and similar goals/values/interests

[Wiseman2]

When was the last time you heard from her? Did she simply stand you up or just not reply for 2 days?

You seem to think she's angry and avoiding you on on purpose, but hope it's really the mental illness making her ignore you? Are you blocked on social media or messaging apps? Have you attempted calling or another method of contact? 

[JohnBurgundy]

17 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

When was the last time you heard from her? Did she simply stand you up or just not reply for 2 days?

You seem to think she's angry and avoiding you on on purpose, but hope it's really the mental illness making her ignore you? Are you blocked on social media or messaging apps? Have you attempted calling or another method of contact? 

So we had our fun weekend a couple weeks back. We had a date on a Sunday. She told me Saturday that she wants to hangout Monday and on the date, she told me she wanted to cook for me on Monday. When she texted me later Sunday night, I asked her what time she wanted me over for dinner on Monday, and no response

 

After 3 days, I messaged her asking if things are alright since I haven't heard from her in awhile and she said "everything is great!!" and I told her that's good, we should facetime tonight and no response. So 4 days later, she reaches out and updates me on her period and that it was a few days late. I texted her saying that's great and I changed the topic and sent her a meme of our fun weekend, to see if she would bite. No response

 

So after 3 days, I dropped off flowers and a card on her doormat just basically thanking her for treating me out and that I miss her, enjoy the flowers and hope to hear from her soon. I texted her saying "I can tell something's different so whatever you're going through, I'm here for you. I dropped off flowers on your doormat, hope you like them. She texted me back the next day "Thank you for the flowers, they are beautiful and my favorite!" and I told her to "let me know if you need anything or wanna hangout" and I sent her a clip (she would send me memes and clips throughout the week) and it was from our favorite game. No response

 

So a week later, I reached out one last time asking her "Hey, we talked about this weeks back about bowling w/ my fam. Are you still coming?" and no response. It's been 3 days now and it's been close to 3 weeks now of all of this happening. I just want to say that she used to send paragraphs and loads of emojis beforehand and she's been dry since. When she texted me Sunday night when we had our date, in the first paragraph, she had sent me a clip and an emoji in her message but hasn't done that since then...

 

I am not blocked on anything nor am I removed. She has removed all of her ex's in the past, that is why I am puzzled. I never called her but told her we should talk later tonight (as described in my 2nd paragraph) and she never replied (She has always replied when I schedule a facetime call. She plays games with her discord friends. It feels like at times she puts them at a priority over me). I feel like if I had called, she wouldn't have answered anyways.

Edited October 28, 2023 by JohnBurgundy