Bipolar 2 Girlfriend ghosts me

[ExpatInItaly]

Just now, JohnBurgundy said:

As long as she is constantly playing the video games, she is not seeing anyone. 

I don't mean right now. I mean in the future. Just because she's gaming all the time now doesn't mean she will continue to do so, man. 

Just now, JohnBurgundy said:

I can handle it.

You're not handling it now either, though. You're quite obviously (and understandably) stuggling and hurt. What makes you think you will be better-equipped with repeated episodes constantly eroding the foundation of the relationship? 

You seem like a guy with a big heart, but who is also quite naive about life with an emotionally-unstable and erratic person is actually like. 

[JohnBurgundy]

2 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

I too believe that this is an episode. That said, it is likely that this will happen again. Let’s say, you just bought a home with this woman and she goes through a similar episode… or, you are planning a wedding and she has another episode… or, you have a child and a mortgage and she has an episode… You are begging her to communicate with you, you can’t understand how she can just abandon her child this way, you are hanging on because you just feel like things will get better and be more stable when she gets through this episode…

Do you see what I’m saying. Take this as your cue to walk away now…

As I said, my partner was married to a woman who developed serious mental health issues. It has done its damage - for him and for their child. The divorce cost him a lot of money. But, the emotional toll it has taken on all of them is something else…

Thank you for confirming. I totally understand what you’re saying. And I know I’m way too early in the relationship and her doing this right now is a blessing. But I just feel something different about this. I feel like if we work through some of these issues, it can be less frequent.
 

it would suck if she were to be withdrawn especially in a marriage or having a kid. It would be hard to tell the child to “leave mom alone right now”. And the kid would probably be conflicted as why their mom showers them with attention and suddenly goes cold towards them. My mom was the same way and it kinda messed me up emotionally but she was mostly about her work (she’s an alpha woman), be away long hours, hangs up the phone mid conversation, calls me an idiot for making my own choice (even if it turned out to be great), etc. 

So yeah I totally get that part. I think I’m so used to being withdrawn from that it doesn’t really affect me as much as other people. Sure it causes me some type of hurt but if I can expect it, I can live with it. I know if it were to get serious as in marriage, there will be hardships so I totally get your concern. I’m still seeing how things out, I can always walk, just got to see how living together will be before signing that dotted line 

do you recommend me to reach out during her episode or just go no contact until it passes? 

[Wiseman2]

38 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

 reach out during her episode or just go no contact until it passes? 

When is the last time you communicated?

You are assuming she's having an "episode". Just like you are assuming her ghosting and breaking up is due to bipolar disorder.

You mentioned trying to get together in person and she didn't want to. How long ago was that?  Please realize people with no history of mental illness ghost and breakup all the time. 

There's a lot missing from the story, for example why would you bring flowers to her house? Why wouldn't she see you or talk to you then? Were you blocked? Was it an apology after a disagreement or misunderstanding?

You seem to be omitting the reasons. And instead filling in the blanks with how another bipolar GF acted, what a friend who claims to be bipolar thinks, and that she treated you to sushi. 

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

do you recommend me to reach out during her episode or just go no contact until it passes? 

What do you think?

I’ve advised you to walk away, given the fact that she is not communicating and no longer investing in the relationship. 

So, do you think it wise to contact her now while she is experiencing a breakdown in her mental health? 

Edited October 29, 2023 by BaileyB

[JohnBurgundy]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Then it doesn't make any sense that you triggered her going into a depressive episode. 

You were supportive and kind. That doesn't generally cause someone to feel depressed, John. I think you are grasping at straws on this one because if you convince yourself that you caused this, then it follows that you can somehow fix it and things will be better. 

I would caution you against doing this to yourself, since you actually have no idea what caused her to start ignoring you. 

Yes but they can go unstable and then have irrational thinking. I can reassure a normal woman and she would be fine. Although she seemed fine, she can wake up one day and not be fine and be stressed enough to enter into an episode. That’s all I’m referring too. I could be wrong but you’re right, it is what it is. I shouldn’t feel totally guilty for something I’m not completely sure about 

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

What do you think?

I’ve advised you to walk away, given the fact that she is not communicating and no longer investing in the relationship. 

So, do you think it wise to contact her now while she is experiencing a breakdown in her mental health? 

I’d just hate to just start dating again and then her friends or whoever sees and thinks I’m cheating and word gets back to her about it. I’m in a small county so people know eachother. Especially if she does come back around and continue this 

 

but I think it’s best I give her space. I’ve already done too much at this point. Anything more will push her away

[JohnBurgundy]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

When is the last time you communicated?

You are assuming she's having an "episode". Just like you are assuming her ghosting and breaking up is due to bipolar disorder.

You mentioned trying to get together in person and she didn't want to. How long ago was that?  Please realize people with no history of mental illness ghost and breakup all the time. 

There's a lot missing from the story, for example why would you bring flowers to her house? Why wouldn't she see you or talk to you then? Were you blocked? Was it an apology after a disagreement or misunderstanding?

You seem to be omitting the reasons. And instead filling in the blanks with how another bipolar GF acted, what a friend who claims to be bipolar thinks, and that she treated you to sushi. 

I’ve answered some of these questions to you in previous posts. If I haven’t, then I’m mistaken but I have answered these in other posts to other people in this thread 

 

for the flowers, she told me she would be happy just getting flowers and a card for a holiday, birthday, etc. and after not hearing from her for over a week, I’d figured she was going through something and thought flowers would cheer her up. Especially her favorite ones that I remember her mentioning. This is my first time giving a girl flowers ever 

 

I gave her chocolates before when she communicated and told me she was feeling depressed and cancelled a date. She loved them and told me she didn’t deserve me. And a couple days later, she bounced back and was stable again. So I figured I would at least cheer her up, maybe she might tell me if something is going on but she didn’t, so I just took it that she doesn’t realize she’s in an episode (if that is the case). I could be 100% wrong. 

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, JohnBurgundy said:

 Maybe  she might tell me if something is going on but she didn’t, so I just took it that she doesn’t realize she’s in an episode (if that is the case). I could be 100% wrong. 

Yes, it a good idea to step back at this point. There's no reason to run out and date someone else right now. 

Please realize that people who breakup by ghosting and fading aren't necessarily mentally ill. She has bipolar disorder, however you seem to hope that's the reason she's not contacting you. 

With respect, it's presumptuous to assume that the reason she is ending is it  is because she's mentally ill. 

Edited October 29, 2023 by Wiseman2

[glows]

2 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I’d just hate to just start dating again and then her friends or whoever sees and thinks I’m cheating and word gets back to her about it. I’m in a small county so people know eachother. Especially if she does come back around and continue this 

 

but I think it’s best I give her space. I’ve already done too much at this point. Anything more will push her away

If it was anyone else I’d have said just send a brief message that you wish her well but this isn’t a match and thanks for the time together. Because you’re still hoping against hope that she likes you back and will start something with you I would not suggest that as it’s just manipulative as if trying to get a reaction out of her when you so obviously want to still be with her. 

Just keep your distance and let time do the healing. Please also stop listening to your mum if she’s feeding you lies about this woman being into you. I’m not sure if that’s the case but it’s such poor advice to be hooked on someone who shows all signs she doesn’t want to be with you. This includes friends and that third bipolar person advising you of signs she’s having an episode , giving you reason to hang on. All recent signs show she lost interest. Think of your own health and peace of mind and let go. 

As for what other people think you have your own version of events and don’t let what other people think stop you from living your life. I think it’s awful that you have to pay the consequences in the gossip mill of town because someone else has a mental illness. How could you see yourself living in a place like this? Anyway I digress. Be confident with your decisions and screw what they think.

[JohnBurgundy]

1 minute ago, glows said:

If it was anyone else I’d have said just send a brief message that you wish her well but this isn’t a match and thanks for the time together. Because you’re still hoping against hope that she likes you back and will start something with you I would not suggest that as it’s just manipulative as if trying to get a reaction out of her when you so obviously want to still be with her. 

Just keep your distance and let time do the healing. Please also stop listening to your mum if she’s feeding you lies about this woman being into you. I’m not sure if that’s the case but it’s such poor advice to be hooked on someone who shows all signs she doesn’t want to be with you. This includes friends and that third bipolar person advising you of signs she’s having an episode , giving you reason to hang on. All recent signs show she lost interest. Think of your own health and peace of mind and let go. 

As for what other people think you have your own version of events and don’t let what other people think stop you from living your life. I think it’s awful that you have to pay the consequences in the gossip mill of town because someone else has a mental illness. How could you see yourself living in a place like this? Anyway I digress. Be confident with your decisions and screw what they think.

Thanks and I’ll just give her space then. I think I’ve done way too much at this point than I should’ve done.
 

I have a feeling she’ll return. I know from the outside, it seems to be one factor and I’m the only one who actually knows how she is as a person in this story. I just know she was scared we’d break up over something small, she took the time to think of thoughtful things to do with me and still accompanied me to my sisters party. She could’ve said no or made an excuse but she still went. I think that just shows high levels of interest 

 

now the only thing I ever said edgy was joking about a threesome. I think I told you that story but everyone I told think it wasn’t bad at all and wouldn’t stop her from talking to me.

 

so for her to just randomly decide to be distant, I think it was because of the pregnancy scare and the stress with it. I mean she was super worried about us breaking up before and I can’t imagine how super worried she’d be over that, it’s life changing, you know 

 

but no one is telling me to stick around. Everyone is actually saying the opposite. “She don’t care about you, etc.” but the people that have told me that do not understand bipolar or any mental illnesses. I mean when I had panic disorder, my parents were just like “wtf is wrong with you” and they never heard of “anxiety” at all and this was all 10 years ago. No one knew what was wrong with me, why I have panic attacks in the middle of the night, feeling like I’m going to die. 
 

I’m getting off topic but she’s a good person, she is. For the way I treated her, I doubt she would just ghost me like this on purpose. My ex broke it off with me in person, she knew I wouldn’t be upset or act irrational and was comfortable to. And if I was a betting man, I figure this girl would do the same.

[glows]

I don’t remember a threesome here but don’t imagine it to be too edgy unless you were really wanting that and she seemed put off. I get the sense you’re a caring person and intuitive and would not press something like this if you knew someone was uncomfortable. I think some people would automatically be turned off anyway and why date someone you can’t be yourself with. If you like threesomes or did it once or twice so what. Meet and date others who feel similarly and don’t feel like you have to blank that out or feel ashamed. 

You feel what you feel but it’s probably best to just do your own thing for now. She showed interest early on but not recently.. and the big question mark of whether she still wants to be with you can only be answered from her. She’s not around and we’re all speculating with different opinions, not just you. It is okay to put yourself first and let go also. Maybe you’re not ready right now but give yourself that option soon.

[JohnBurgundy]

1 hour ago, glows said:

I don’t remember a threesome here but don’t imagine it to be too edgy unless you were really wanting that and she seemed put off. I get the sense you’re a caring person and intuitive and would not press something like this if you knew someone was uncomfortable. I think some people would automatically be turned off anyway and why date someone you can’t be yourself with. If you like threesomes or did it once or twice so what. Meet and date others who feel similarly and don’t feel like you have to blank that out or feel ashamed. 

You feel what you feel but it’s probably best to just do your own thing for now. She showed interest early on but not recently.. and the big question mark of whether she still wants to be with you can only be answered from her. She’s not around and we’re all speculating with different opinions, not just you. It is okay to put yourself first and let go also. Maybe you’re not ready right now but give yourself that option soon.

When we were hanging out that weekend, after my sister's party. A song came on and the lyrics were similar. I asked her if she ever kissed a girl and she said she has and has done other things. I was like "oh really? (;". Did that have anything to do with your best friend? and she said "ewww noo she's not my type" and I asked her what her type was. I then said "ah does that mean we can bring another girl in the bedroom (;"  (I'm using winky faces because I wasn't being serious. I was being sarcastic) and she said "no, I can't share my person. I only do one on one. After that, I became serious and told her "Same here, I can't share my SO with anybody. I rather keep things 1 on 1". Then we started talking about cucks and making fun of them and the convo died after that. I mean she still invited me out the next day to get sushi, so I don't think it was that big of an issue? I regret joking about it but I loved her answer about only being one on one

 

I never done a threesome and I have no desire to. I was mainly asking to gauge how "freaky" she can be so I'm glad she's not that way. But yes, I guess time will tell if she comes back around or not

[basil67]

1 hour ago, JohnBurgundy said:

I’m getting off topic but she’s a good person, she is. For the way I treated her, I doubt she would just ghost me like this on purpose.

Respectfully, you barely know her.  And this early on in a relationship, people show you their best.   If ignoring you for three weeks after only being together for a month or so, I'd hate to see her worst!  

I maintain that you don't really know a person until you've been with them for more than about 8 months, and even then, things can change.

[glows]

1 hour ago, JohnBurgundy said:

When we were hanging out that weekend, after my sister's party. A song came on and the lyrics were similar. I asked her if she ever kissed a girl and she said she has and has done other things. I was like "oh really? (;". Did that have anything to do with your best friend? and she said "ewww noo she's not my type" and I asked her what her type was. I then said "ah does that mean we can bring another girl in the bedroom (;"  (I'm using winky faces because I wasn't being serious. I was being sarcastic) and she said "no, I can't share my person. I only do one on one. After that, I became serious and told her "Same here, I can't share my SO with anybody. I rather keep things 1 on 1". Then we started talking about cucks and making fun of them and the convo died after that. I mean she still invited me out the next day to get sushi, so I don't think it was that big of an issue? I regret joking about it but I loved her answer about only being one on one

 

I never done a threesome and I have no desire to. I was mainly asking to gauge how "freaky" she can be so I'm glad she's not that way. But yes, I guess time will tell if she comes back around or not

Highly doubt a little teasing about sexual preferences would spook someone. She certainly does seem comfortable with you at the time to go back and forth on it. I wouldn’t hold my breath here. It’s just so heartbreaking looking at you looking at her on her game or w/e morning to night and ignoring you. It’s so sad. Are there also few eligible bachelorettes in the small town?

[JohnBurgundy]

2 minutes ago, glows said:

Highly doubt a little teasing about sexual preferences would spook someone. She certainly does seem comfortable with you at the time to go back and forth on it. I wouldn’t hold my breath here. It’s just so heartbreaking looking at you looking at her on her game or w/e morning to night and ignoring you. It’s so sad. Are there also few eligible bachelorettes in the small town?

Well it is but if she actually is going through something with her bipolar (I honestly think the pregnancy scare triggered her) because the first episode started and her bipolar came into fruition was when she became pregnant and got an abortion (with the previous ex with 3 kids). 
 

once she told me that, she kinda asked me if she did the right thing. Like she was looking for reassurance. I told her that she honestly made the right decision even though it was difficult. That her life would be way different than it is now and she was in no way shape or form ready for something like that especially with a dude with 3 kids already.. I told her if she didn’t go through with it, we would’ve never met and be here right now. She seemed happy after that

so I think the fear of her being pregnant might’ve triggered an episode cause it’s similar to what caused her bipolar. She said it was so traumatizing to go through and if she ever gets pregnant, she is keeping it. 
 

there aren’t many good prospects down here, believe me. I’m at the age where everyone has a kid now, no ambition and just completely fine working low level jobs, and I’m just super picky. It took me over a few years to finally connect with a girl who were talking about now. I’d hate to give up on her, I know we can make things better. She comes from a very good family. That is if she is going through an episode. 
 

If she was any regular girl, I would’ve dumped her already 

 

 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, JohnBurgundy said:

but no one is telling me to stick around. Everyone is actually saying the opposite. “She don’t care about you, etc.” but the people that have told me that do not understand bipolar or any mental illnesses.

This is not true. 

Kindly, you are being rather naive here. This woman has a mental illness that predates you and her illness will be life long. You can not “make things better” - no amount of unconditional love and acceptance or communication is going to change the fact that she is not a healthy partner for you. 

And again, you have know this woman for two months. That’s eight weeks. Sixty days. Not even a change of seasons. You are way too invested in this relationship considering how long you have known this woman. 

You would be wise to do some reading about the three C’s - you did not cause this, you do not control this, and you can not cure this. 

Edited October 30, 2023 by BaileyB

[Lisa]

Loveshack does not support casual psychiatry, so we have removed some posts and are issuing a redirect.  Please discuss the relationship without making commentary on management of mental illness.

Edited October 30, 2023 by Lisa

[JohnBurgundy]

5 hours ago, Lisa said:

Loveshack does not support casual psychiatry, so we have removed some posts and are issuing a redirect.  Please discuss the relationship without making commentary on management of mental illness.

Can you delete this thread then please. Thank you