i'm ready to leave him, but i feel so guilty.

[burnt heart]

i don't know what to do, i honestly thought i could change enough to tolerate him but i don't think i can. it's the little remarks he says when he is mad, the comments about my contribution, or the fact that i didn't do something and he ended up doing it himself and then he'll think i'm lazy or something, which i'm not, i'm just not as on top of things as he is, he is like rush, rush, rush, i'm like, it'll keep, it's not going anywhere.

 

then he'll say hurtful things, then blow it off, then act normal again, but i'm left with the stinging remarks and knowing how he feels about me, even tho it is in anger. should i believe him what he says when he is angry or not? i'm ready to up and leave, i would of done so today if he was not home all day and i'm still contenplating the idea tomorrow.

 

if i don't drop the fight when he does, he gets even madder, so the best thing for me to do is drop it when he does, but i don't say things to him to hurt him, so he don't have emotional wounds to go lick like i do. am i being a martyr? i dont' know, i'm tired of feeling less than perfect, less than he is, put down when he is mad at me, then having to just eat it up or let it go on for too long.

 

would i be wrong in just packing up and leaving? i could not stand to say g'bye, i would leave in a fit of anger and hurt, but i know how much he loves me, and i feel so very guilty leaving him when i know how he feels about me, but what about myself? should i sacrifice myself to keep him happy? i just don't know what to do, any suggestions?

[Tony T]

Love has nothing to do with this problem at all.

 

If you have talked to him and very clearly told him that his angry outbursts are very hurtful to you...and, despite your talks, he continues his tantrums and putdowns, then you are absolutely justified in leaving and you must leave to preserve your sanity.

 

It doesn't matter how much he loves you. What does matter is how he makes you feel. His angry and demeaning style will surely keep you hurt for a very long time...as long as he has a tongue.

 

There is no point in putting up with this crap. Tell him one more time that it's got to stop. The next time it comes about, remain calm...and, when he's away, just pack your things and leave. Leave a note behind reminding him that he was warned and you must leave and go heal so later on you can find someone who will love you and respect you for who you are and the way you are.

 

Over and out.

[Dragonflys]

Hi Burnt Heart

 

I know exactly how you are feeling, in the situations you describe I get burned just like you do. Some people are just so clinical, factual and sharp in arguments and just fry the other person..and then just prance away as if nothing happened.

 

I think it's something to do with how close our ratioanl thoughts are to our emotions. I think people like us just swell up with the emotion of the situation, which clouds out rational thinking required to tally up and splurt out the facts. In that time we get the barrage (right or wrong). But then again, many of these same people also have a complete lack of awareness of how the other person feels, they lack empathy..hence their ability to just walk away as if nothing happened.

 

Well there's good news and bad news for you. Bad news is, I doubt he will ever change...give him one talk, and if he doesn't get the message waste his arse, because the good news is there are many many people out there who see arguments from both sides and have empathy for other people.

 

Don't hurt yourself any more, or think you are lacking in some way because you cannot babble out the facts in an argument like he can. I've met these types, and it never works.

 

Oliver