Jayney Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 It started off with this beautiful kind man talking to me after I found out my relationship of 28 years was a total lie. He’d commuted fraud, had other relationships elsewhere, gaslighting etc etc anyway, out of the blue this man appeared in my life appeared and we started talking and a friendship blossomed. He was honest and told me right from the start that he was married to an alcoholic and that they were going on a make or break holiday to try and mend their 30 year relationship. When they returned he said she was really making an effort however by January (the holiday was in November) the cracks were showing and he said he’d missed me and that he had real feelings for me. We tentatively started a romantic relationship as both of us had not had any intimacy in our lives for decades. It was absolutely beautiful. He’d gaze into my eyes and hold me so tightly that I felt he never wanted to let go. He has been offered a job where I live which has excellent prospects and we were talking about it on Sunday - I sent him a message on Thursday saying “thinking of you xxx” which didn’t look like he’d seen as normally he reads them immediately but the next day I’ve suddenly been blocked. Do you think his wife read it. He’s not a sophisticated man, he’s never been in a situation like this before. He said he’s waited 30 years to meet someone like me so for him to suddenly block me is breaking my heart. I have never pressurised him in anyway, as I just instinctively know that is the wrong thing to do I just enjoy spending time with this man as in his words “I make him feel seen and wanted” and visa versa. Do people block when the other relationship gets found out? I just don’t know what to do as I feel totally bereft x Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 41 minutes ago, Jayney said: Do people block when the other relationship gets found out? For sure they do. Whatever he told you about his marriage probably wasn't true, so if she found out, he's now jumping through hoops to mend things. I'm afraid that all you can do is lick your wounds. Be kind to yourself, but also take responsibility for your part in this. Have you divorced your husband yet? I hope you can get out and find an honest, kind and fun properly available man 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 1 hour ago, Jayney said: It started off with this beautiful kind man talking to me after I found out my relationship of 28 years was a total lie. He’d commuted fraud, had other relationships elsewhere, gaslighting etc etcs I sent him a message on Thursday saying “thinking of you xxx” next day I’ve suddenly been blocked. Sorry this is happening. Are you legally married to the man who cheated on you? How long have you been seeing this man and how did you meet? Do you work together? It's possible your lovers wife found out. all you can do is extricate yourself from the the 28 year relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 2 hours ago, Jayney said: Do people block when the other relationship gets found out? Often, yes. It was a fantasy to believe this was your Knight in Shining Armour, unforuantely. And now that fantasy has come crashing down. This is your cold dose of reality and it would be wise to start planning your life without him. I realize it felt good in the moment but it always came with great risk to your heart. I am sorry. All you can do is work on accepting that he isn't going to be with you, and start moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 (edited) Indeed, even he he was to reappear, my advice would be the same… It’s time for you to move on. Unfortunately, you have moved from one unhealthy relationship to another. I would be very leery of a married man who came into my life at a time when I was feeling particularly lonely and vulnerable. Consider this a blessing, this has ended before you got more seriously involved with this man… he has a lot of complications in his life. Despite what he may have said - he is married to another woman, and he has not even begun the process of filing for divorce. If he is meant to be in your life, he should have divorce papers in his hands the next time you see him. Otherwise, you are wasting your time and as Expat said above, at great risk to your heart. I’m sorry, I would encourage you to find a counsellor and seek support from friends or family. Best wishes to you. Edited October 29, 2023 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 10 hours ago, Jayney said: from the start that he was married to an alcoholic and that they were going on a make or break holiday to try and mend their 30 year relationship. When they returned he said she was really making an effort however by January (the holiday was in November) the cracks were showing and he said he’d missed me and that he had real feelings for me. So, they're make or break holiday didn't work out, he's in love with you, why didn't he file for divorce if he was so in love with you instead of blocking you? It's got nothing to do with her. Why wouldn't he tell her he's in love with you and leave? He gave their marriage a chance on their make or break. None of this makes sense. When things don't make sense it's usually a lie. This was over a year ago this happened, why now are you questioning it? I think he blocked you because he was never going to leave his wife. She may not have been an alcoholic at all but a lie he told to gain sympathy for getting involved in an affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted October 29, 2023 Share Posted October 29, 2023 12 hours ago, Jayney said: Do you think his wife read it. That's probably the most likely scenario, yes. I think you'd be wise to make plans to move on from this... Link to post Share on other sites
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