Why my Partner doesn't want me around with his friends

[Miss Lyn]

Hi, 

I'm Miss Lyn.  badly need your comments here. So i will stop overthinking. I always wondering why my partner never invited me in any events and every time they go out drinking with his work colleagues. even if i told him I want to sometimes! I mean I drink too and i know how to mingle People. 😏

I would understand if that is about office Party but no! They drink after work specially  on weekend. 

Please i need ur answer 🙏

[d0nnivain]

Some people are weird about work friends & keep them separate from other parts of their lives.   However if he is meeting them on weekends, not simply going out directly after work, you should be included.  

[Miss Lyn]

Thank u for your comments 🥹

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Miss Lyn said:

 my partner never invited me in any events and every time they go out drinking with his work colleagues.  would understand if that is about office Party but no! They drink after work specially  on weekend. 

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is he? Do you live together? 

Does he have a drinking problem? Are you a secret from the people in his life? 

Have you met any of his friends and family? Do you two go out on dates and do things together?  

[stillafool]

Could something be going on between your partner and  a woman he works with?  That could be a reason also.

[Miss Lyn]

10 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. How long have you been dating? How old is he? Do you live together? 

Does he have a drinking problem? Are you a secret from the people in his life? 

Have you met any of his friends and family? Do you two go out on dates and do things together?  

Hi, 

We have kids but not yet Married. 7 years living together. His 29 and Im 30 

Of course ive met his friends and family.

[Miss Lyn]

7 hours ago, stillafool said:

Could something be going on between your partner and  a woman he works with?  That could be a reason also.

Hi, 

There is a Married Woman he always talk about. But im not sure i dont have a solid evidence. I dont know what to do 🥹

[Miss Lyn]

8 hours ago, stillafool said:

Could something be going on between your partner and  a woman he works with?  That could be a reason also.

When it comes to co workers his always have energy .but when we go out with kids he got bored easily

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Miss Lyn said:

When it comes to co workers his always have energy .but when we go out with kids he got bored easily

I'm a mother, and I'd argue that going out with friends is always more interesting than playing with children.  It's all about balance...making sure that we make the time for family while still having fun

[BaileyB]

Do his work friends invite their spouses?

I’ve been to many work functions over the years, spouses are never invited.

[basil67]

How often does he go out with his coworkers?  

[Haji]

Hello Miss Lyn,

It's understandable that you're feeling a bit concerned and left out in this situation. Open communication is key in any relationship, so consider having an honest conversation with your partner about your feelings. Here are some suggestions on how to approach the conversation:

Choose the Right Time: Find a calm and private moment to discuss your feelings. Avoid bringing it up during an argument or when emotions are running high.

Use "I" Statements: Frame your concerns in a way that expresses your feelings rather than placing blame. For example, say "I feel left out when I'm not invited to events with your colleagues" instead of "You never invite me anywhere."

Express Your Desires: Clearly communicate your desire to be included in some of the social events, especially those involving colleagues. Let your partner know that you enjoy socializing and want to be a part of their experiences.

Ask for Their Perspective: Be open to hearing your partner's perspective. There might be reasons that you're not aware of, and understanding their point of view can help in finding a solution.

Suggest Compromise: If your partner has reservations or reasons for not inviting you, try to find a compromise. Maybe you can join them occasionally or find a middle ground that works for both of you.

Avoid Accusations: It's important to approach the conversation without accusing your partner of intentionally excluding you. Give them the benefit of the doubt and try to understand the situation from their perspective.

Remember, relationships thrive on open communication and understanding. It's possible that your partner may not realize the impact their actions are having on you. By expressing your feelings and working together to find a solution, you can strengthen your connection and hopefully address this concern.

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Miss Lyn said:

We have kids but not yet Married. 7 years living together. His 29 and Im 30.When it comes to co workers his always have energy .but when we go out with kids he got bored easily

Do you both work? Are you a stay at home mother? How is the relationship overall? How is the intimacy? 

Is he out most nights and weekends drinking with coworkers and friends? You've already told him how you feel and what you would like but how has he responded? 

Does he help around the house or with the children? Do you ever get babysitters or have friends and family nearby so you can go out as a couple or get away from the children for romantic weekends? 

Do you socialize together on other occasions besides whatever these happy hour/coworker things are? 

Why exactly do you want to join him in these coworker events in  particular rather than just go out as a couple? 

Or is this his idea of "fun'"? You sitting home babysitting while he's out drinking  like a single man with coworkers? Are you concerned he's having affairs? He doesn't seem to be interested in marriage and family as much as freedom and partying.

Edited October 30, 2023 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

   I didn't realize you had kids.  This is BAD. He's escaping from you & the responsibilities of your children. You are not some new GF.  You are the mother of his kids.  He needs to be home with you all or you two get a babysitter & have date night.  He may be having some issues around turning 30 but you have to put a stop to this.   

 

[Miss Lyn]

11 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

   I didn't realize you had kids.  This is BAD. He's escaping from you & the responsibilities of your children. You are not some new GF.  You are the mother of his kids.  He needs to be home with you all or you two get a babysitter & have date night.  He may be having some issues around turning 30 but you have to put a stop to this.   

 

Yes have kids 5 and 6 years old all boys. And we cant afford Baby sitter so I am the only one who took care of  everything. I do online business also so we have extra income because his salary is not enough for us but i don't mind. Just really Upsetting why he always say no to me when i told him i want to come or i wanted to know his co workers because most of then is girls. 

[Miss Lyn]

19 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you both work? Are you a stay at home mother? How is the relationship overall? How is the intimacy? 

Is he out most nights and weekends drinking with coworkers and friends? You've already told him how you feel and what you would like but how has he responded? 

Does he help around the house or with the children? Do you ever get babysitters or have friends and family nearby so you can go out as a couple or get away from the children for romantic weekends? 

Do you socialize together on other occasions besides whatever these happy hour/coworker things are? 

Why exactly do you want to join him in these coworker events in  particular rather than just go out as a couple? 

Or is this his idea of "fun'"? You sitting home babysitting while he's out drinking  like a single man with coworkers? Are you concerned he's having affairs? He doesn't seem to be interested in marriage and family as much as freedom and partying.

No  i am full time mom but i do small business online. To be honest we dont have a healthy relationship since he cheated on me 5 years ago in the same place where he worked right now and  while im Pregnant. But we try to fix and i am trying hard to trust him again. but now i think he do it again 🥹

[BaileyB]

44 minutes ago, Miss Lyn said:

he cheated on me 5 years ago in the same place where he worked right now and  while I’m Pregnant.

And this is why he should not be going out with coworkers. 

You are not wrong to be concerned. That is a terrible thing for him to do. I’m sorry this happened to you. 

45 minutes ago, Miss Lyn said:

But we try to fix and i am trying hard to trust him again. but now i think he do it again 🥹

For you to trust him again, he must be trustworthy. How is he demonstrating to you that he is trustworthy? 

[glows]

1 hour ago, Miss Lyn said:

No  i am full time mom but i do small business online. To be honest we dont have a healthy relationship since he cheated on me 5 years ago in the same place where he worked right now and  while im Pregnant. But we try to fix and i am trying hard to trust him again. but now i think he do it again 🥹

I’m so sorry to hear this. Are you pregnant or planning any more kids? I strongly suggest using protection and be careful having sex with him as he can bring home STDs. You don’t trust him.

[d0nnivain]

10 hours ago, Miss Lyn said:

Yes have kids 5 and 6 years old all boys. And we cant afford Baby sitter so I am the only one who took care of  everything. I do online business also so we have extra income because his salary is not enough for us but i don't mind. Just really Upsetting why he always say no to me when i told him i want to come or i wanted to know his co workers because most of then is girls. 

With every post it's even worse.  He's leaving you the mother of his kids home on the weekends to spend time with his female co-workers.  He has one foot out the door of your relationship  

If you know where he goes, it's time to ditch the kids this Saturday & show up.  Understand you might catch him red handed, again.  Are you prepared to break up?  How will you support yourself & the kids?  Is your on line business enough?  Can you ramp it up?   You know from past experience that he's most likely cheating.  The Q becomes now what?  

Edited October 31, 2023 by d0nnivain

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Miss Lyn said:

  i am full time mom but i do small business online. To be honest we dont have a healthy relationship since he cheated on me 5 years ago. i think he do it again 🥹

Sorry this is happening. Unfortunately it does seem like he runs around like a single guy. Do you have friends and family nearby? Reconsider the relationship.

Perhaps you can move in with friends or family. This way he'll have to pay child support.  He will also have less time and money for partying and womanizing to you move out and he has to be responsible for all the bills, housework and childcare when he has custody.

Please stop enabling him. Ask him to sleep on the sofa. Please get tested for STDs and discontinue having sex. 

Only take care of yourself and your children. Discontinue doing any cleaning, laundry, shopping cooking or anything for him. Let him do it himself instead of being out drinking and womanizing. 

You need to take action rather than sit home babysitting and doing all the work while he's out playing. 

Edited October 31, 2023 by Wiseman2

[stillafool]

Why haven't the two of you married by now since you have all of these kids together?  Do you want to marry this guy?

[Gaeta]

12 hours ago, Miss Lyn said:

And we cant afford Baby sitter

 

12 hours ago, Miss Lyn said:

his salary is not enough for us

So you're living paycheck to paycheck and he uses your hard earned money to buy alcohol. 

Miss Lyn: it's time you stop feeling worried and you start feeling mad ! This man is not a good partner and he's not a good father. He should spend his Saturday evenings at home with his family. He's probably fooling around again. Do you have family? Save yourself from this heartache and make a plan to leave. Better, make a plan for him to leave. 

Gosh, I wish I knew at 30 everything that I know today! I would have never wasted my time on the wrong men!

[Els]

Depending on how often they go out drinking, I wouldn't necessarily see a problem with it... but then you mention that he cheated on you in the past. Well, of course you're concerned, naturally so. The real question is, why did you choose to stay with him after his infidelity was revealed? Cheaters rarely change.

[S2B]

I’d be mad you are working to make ends meet and he’s out there buying drinks! What a schmuck!

that money could also be used to hire a babysitter every few weeks so YOU get a break! Why are you his servant?

Since he doesn’t want you going - tell him to invite them to come to the house for drinks/appetizers - that way you can observe his interaction with them first hand.

[Miss Lyn]

15 hours ago, Gaeta said:

 

So you're living paycheck to paycheck and he uses your hard earned money to buy alcohol. 

Miss Lyn: it's time you stop feeling worried and you start feeling mad ! This man is not a good partner and he's not a good father. He should spend his Saturday evenings at home with his family. He's probably fooling around again. Do you have family? Save yourself from this heartache and make a plan to leave. Better, make a plan for him to leave. 

Gosh, I wish I knew at 30 everything that I know today! I would have never wasted my time on the wrong men!

Now I understand why mama left my papa and can definitely relate how hard relationship and family is to handle 🥲 Really a sad life with a lot of reason to be happy and a whole lot of a gamble. I hope its worth fighting for, its stressing me out. The balancing , swallowing my pride, giving my all, my best , questioning myself and everything blaming me all the time. I feel sorry for myself