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Am I being rude for not caring/wanting to look at HR womans wedding pics?

Chloeflowers

By Chloeflowers
in Business and Professional Relationships

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NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm not sure where the expectation stems from that everyone must look at and fawn over wedding pictures. It should be up to each person to decide if they want to view them or not. It is not rude to politely decline if someone tries to show you pictures that you have no interest in.

I've been around a few decades.  Been on the receiving end of hundreds - maybe thousands!  Of baby pictures, vacation, wedding, kids' halloween costume, pet pictures put in front of me.    Try as I might, I cannot think of a way to "politely decline" looking at them.   

If the person is over at their desk with their photo album, that's a different story, but that's not the usual scenario.   In recent history, it's generally on their phone which they are handing to you or aiming towards you to show you the picture.

Do you "politely" shut your eyes?  Turn and walk away, politely?  Say (politely) "I'm sorry, but I have no interest in sharing what's important to you or a source of joy"?

I'm being a little tongue in cheek here, but honestly can't imagine how this could be handled in any way that was not going to come off as aggressively dismissive or rude. 

  • Like 6
Weezy1973 Established Member

Weezy1973

Posted
Posted

It’s just a human trying to connect with other humans about things that are important in their lives. To reject that lacks some basic people skills. And it doesn’t put you out at all. If a colleague isn’t chatting about a wedding it would be about the movie they saw over the weekend or the kafuffle at their in-laws. Or their vacation, or their new Tesla. All just little ways humans try to connect to other humans. 

  • Like 4
semble Established Member

semble

Posted
Posted

I don't think most individuals would consider your lack of interest to be "rude". Being rude would be something like saying "Those pictures suck" or "That's the ugliest dress I've seem since "Bride of Frankenstein".

Most would correctly interpret your actions as lack of interest and wouldn't be so quick to connect to you or share other things about their lives with you.

And that sounds like win/win for everyone. They won't bother you, and you couldn't care less.

 

Alpacalia Established Member

Alpacalia

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I've been around a few decades.  Been on the receiving end of hundreds - maybe thousands!  Of baby pictures, vacation, wedding, kids' halloween costume, pet pictures put in front of me.    Try as I might, I cannot think of a way to "politely decline" looking at them.   

If the person is over at their desk with their photo album, that's a different story, but that's not the usual scenario.   In recent history, it's generally on their phone which they are handing to you or aiming towards you to show you the picture.

Do you "politely" shut your eyes?  Turn and walk away, politely?  Say (politely) "I'm sorry, but I have no interest in sharing what's important to you or a source of joy"?

I'm being a little tongue in cheek here, but honestly can't imagine how this could be handled in any way that was not going to come off as aggressively dismissive or rude. 

No, I get it your perspective.

I just don't get if she has no interest in looking at someone else's photos to not want to be forced to look at pictures you have no interest in.

I don't know, does this HR person take an 8x10 of photos of her wedding around the office? Some of my dearest friends I have no interest in looking at their 400 vacation pics or their 400 photos of their babies on Xmas morning. But I'll be the first person to babysit or take their kids to the park. Interact with them, play board games with, etc.

One of my sources of wisdom suggested to me that I should do and think about the things that I would like to do when others expect it of me. When you feel strongly about something (looking at wedding pictures or being the one who decides the best margins for your research paper), that can be very hard to do. Push back against generally accepted etiquette, and that's where you may have to use a white lie such as "I'm allergic to sugar, but these are beautiful cupcakes and I'm sure everyone will love them" or "I appreciate the offer to let me see the video of your wedding, but I really need to go focus on X thing right now. I'm sure everyone would love to see it when they have time to give it the attention it deserves. Did you all have a great time at the wedding??"

Sure, we could argue the niceties of being interested in another person's experience - let that come from her (Chloe) of taking an active interest in her colleague's wedding. But to be forced to look at photos and videos of someone else's personal life is not the norm in a professional setting.

Although I can see why you might not want to overtly say 'I don't want to look through the pictures' because sometimes politics at work mean its easier to just do the looking (even if it drives you to hair pulling inside your head). Of course, if you do have a genuine interest in looking at the photos, then absolutely do, it was a lovely thing to be part of. Maybe this lady sharing photos is giving you a little tap on the back/kind of thanks for being part of my day thing.

This is an area where you just can't extract yourself in a graceful or kind way from the situation other than being honest that you are not a fan of that sort of thing.

Wiseman2 Established Member

Wiseman2

Posted
Posted
On 10/31/2023 at 4:49 PM, Chloeflowers said:

Am I being rude for not caring/wanting to look at HR womans wedding pics?

How you feel about it is how you feel, however snubbing people especially coworkers is rude. You don't have to love everyone's baby, vacation, pet, wedding, whatever pics.

But you'll need emotional intelligence to get along with coworkers and that means understanding that they are sharing something about their lives whether you're thrilled about it or not. 

  • Like 7
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

There’s being uninterested, and then there’s being childish and dramatic:. 

Chloe, don’t make a spectacle of yourself by being the later. It will make you look jealous, too.  Surely you are more mature than that. 

  • Like 3
introverted1 Established Member

introverted1

Posted
Posted
On 10/31/2023 at 6:22 PM, basil67 said:

Why is looking at some wedding photos causing you enough angst that you must limit yourself to two?

Or needing to create a thread about it!

  • Like 1
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

It’s just a human trying to connect with other humans about things that are important in their lives. To reject that lacks some basic people skills. And it doesn’t put you out at all. If a colleague isn’t chatting about a wedding it would be about the movie they saw over the weekend or the kafuffle at their in-laws. Or their vacation, or their new Tesla. All just little ways humans try to connect to other humans. 

100%

It's about human connection. It's minor inconvenience at worst.

You, OP, are approaching life in about the most self-centered way I've heard in a long time. You can't spare 2-5 minutes while at work to "care" for something that obviously makes someone who is a colleague happy? Because those type of photos don't interest you? I mean that comes off as supremely petty, selfish, limiting.

The issues you continually bring up have a really level of envy or jealousy in them. Who wants to be this persnickety? I feel pity for you TBH. I think, as I believe I said before, you could benefit from therapy--if only to move the needle of your attitude in a slightly better direction. 

  • Like 3
BrinnM Established Member

BrinnM

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 10/31/2023 at 7:40 AM, Chloeflowers said:

If she were to show them to someone while i was standing there, i would walk away. Is that rude?

Is this a joke question? It must be, unless you have specific beef with her. Jesus.

Other than that, I agree with most others here. This is about etiquette, manners, being polite, treating people with respect, and being a halfway friendly coworker. 
Nothing else. 
 

Do you have social anxiety?

Edited by BrinnM
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Chloeflowers Established Member

Chloeflowers

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My manager was showing pictures of her wedding during lunch and since i was with the other gals, i looked at several of them. Her wedding was beautiful and i loved the bridesmaid dresses and hair and makeup. 

  • Like 5
basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
8 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

My manager was showing pictures of her wedding during lunch and since i was with the other gals, i looked at several of them. Her wedding was beautiful and i loved the bridesmaid dresses and hair and makeup. 

Glad to hear it wasn't the terrible experience you expected it to be

I ask this kindly, have you ever looked into getting help with feeling more positive about your connections with others?  

  • Like 1
NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

Posted
Posted (edited)

I have a family member who is autistic, and one of the things they struggle with is an absolute inability to "read the room."  She would not understand the whole concept of why anybody would be interested in the pictures or why someone would even think of showing them.  Even why someone would take them.   

She learned a lot about social customs; it was not easy, but she wanted to.   She did, and does,  have a drive to connect with people.  Learning about this kind of social custom and  developing more of an interest in facets of other peoples' lives has paid off for her in that way - more connection, more success in workplace environments, etc.  

OP, I am not suggesting that you are autistic.   But  this evident blind spot is familiar to me, because my niece has a similar one.  Social interactions that many of us experience as quite neutral and normal seem to strike you as bordering on outlandish.

Edited by NuevoYorko
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NuevoYorko Established Member

NuevoYorko

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, Chloeflowers said:

My manager was showing pictures of her wedding during lunch and since i was with the other gals, i looked at several of them. Her wedding was beautiful and i loved the bridesmaid dresses and hair and makeup. 

Way to go, Chloe!  I'm sincerely glad to hear that you found something enjoyable about sharing some of that experience with her.

  • Like 2
Versacehottie Established Member

Versacehottie

Posted
Posted
On 11/2/2023 at 1:54 PM, Chloeflowers said:

My manager was showing pictures of her wedding during lunch and since i was with the other gals, i looked at several of them. Her wedding was beautiful and i loved the bridesmaid dresses and hair and makeup. 

This is a step in the right direction...I guess,....but you are missing the POINT. It's not about what YOU like and what pleases you..It's about doing a small thing for others because it makes them happy and reinforces your bond.

Let me also state the obvious since you only seem to be motivated by selfish reasons at the moment--you said this woman is from HR...don't you think it would be valuable career-wise to have a person in HR who feels friendly toward you and/or disadvantageous to have someone who does not? I mean put your thinking cap on. 

The only real benefit I see from you having "enjoyed the pictures" is that you might learn something about yourself in that your reluctance to do something is often unfounded or sour grapes or "not-so-bad" and maybe you will try to push yourself to do other things in the future that you are reluctant to do. However, the bigger idea of getting along with others, appearing rude, finding more happiness in life won't be solved if you keep operating with only selfish motives. Lol, the irony of this dilemma being "solved" because you LIKED the photos is too funny...and too pathetic.

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ladyeatinggreens20 Member

ladyeatinggreens20

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 10/31/2023 at 7:40 AM, Chloeflowers said:

So one of the HR managers got married last weekend and my manager was going around with a card for all of us to sign, just saying congrats. So I signed it with congrats. The manager attended her wedding and was saying how great it was and one of the coworkers wanted to see pictures, the manager said she was going to show pictures or some video of the wedding. Well, i know what what wedding pics look like and in general i could care less about wedding pics. The HR personnel is off for two weeks anyway. I hope she doesnt go around to each person forcing us to look at her pics. If she were to show them to someone while i was standing there, i would walk away. Is that rude? I shouldnt be forced to look at her pics 

IMO, you should respectfully do what's best for you. And I say that with no sarcasm.  Good news to me or you, way not be good news to someone else.  And vice versa. With that being said, it's typically a good practice to try being aware enough of nuance to not give people information or images that they don't ask for, e.g. photos of weddings, babies, and other more intimate things. So you can take what I say if it applies to you.  Also, working with the public and having many "different" kinds of individuals(with varying experiences) in my personal and professional experiences,  has given me enough empathy and awareness to know that someone may have just gone through a divorce (re: wedding pics)or may have lost a child(re: baby pics),...you just never know.  This was the exact case in a recent work incident that I witnesses a few months ago. The person showing the pics had no ill intent, but she was over sharing and didn't ask anyone if they actually wanted to see or hear about any of her wedding and honeymoon. She should have asked though...real talk.

The best thing for your manager to do is to let everyone know that she has wedding pics to share "IF"... anyone would like to see them. Same with baby pics. Many of us are so busy with our successes that we don't stop to think what the rest of the world may or may not have experienced, trauma or otherwise.

Edited by ladyeatinggreens20
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