Gym Buddies or Something More?

[MIAho]

Last year, a woman joined my CrossFit gym, and it seemed like she was trying to grab my attention. Despite only attending the gym 1-2 times a week, she would quietly cheer me on during workouts, flash smiles, and even dance along to the music as a way to catch my eye. While I typically avoided pursuing romantic relationships with fellow gym members due to the potential risks involved, she was persistent.

Eventually, I decided to initiate a conversation with her but I ended up running late and I only managed to catch her as she was leaving. Following this, stopped attending the gym altogether.

Three months later, she returned. The workout of the day also happened to be a partner workout. Upon her arrival, she greeted me with a warm smile and I commented on her absence from the gym. During the class, she approached me and asked if I wanted to be her partner. Although our conversation that day revolved mostly around the workout, I finally managed to break the ice with her. In the following weeks, we engaged in brief conversations after classes, getting to know each other better. It turned out that we had a few things in common, she's an Assistant Principal at a middle school, located near my home, while I'm a Middle School teacher.

After another partner workout, I asked her for her number. At first, she seemed a little hesitant but she gave me her number and it didn't stop her from initiating conversations and getting to know me. I learned she has other activities besides CrossFit, like biking and playing in a Frisbee league. She texts me when she's coming to the gym and doesn't go if I'm not there. Over time, our texting conversations have got longer. She'll ask me about my workouts or activities outside of the gym. Typically, she tries to make it to our usual class, but if not, she'll ask me to go to the gym with her in the morning.

I had planned to ask her out but after a conversation we had about running in which, I suggested that we should go on a run together, she responded 8 hours later with an unenthusiastic reply that she wasn't a good runner. The next time she came to the gym for a running workout, she was one of the fastest runners in the class. A few weeks later, she asked me if I wanted to start going to the gym with her once a week at 5 AM but also convinced another female friend from the gym to join us. To try to gauge her interest in me, I got her to stay after an afternoon class for an extra workout, but when she asked other members of the gym if they wanted to join us, I knew that she didn't feel comfortable being alone with me, even in the gym setting.

That weekend, I texted her to see what she was doing, and she told me that she was going away with her boyfriend but would be at the gym on Tuesday. I ended up skipping the class that she was attending and went to a later class. A few hours later, she texted me wondering where I was and told me that she would be at the gym again on Thursday. During one class, she showed me some CrossFit memes on her phone, that I noticed were in a conversation that she has with her boyfriend. The next day, she sent me another meme that she had also sent her boyfriend but after I ignored the message, she stopped sending me memes.

Around the same time that she told me about her boyfriend, I rejoined a dating app and started dating another woman. Despite that, she would continue to text me whenever she was coming to the gym, but when I stopped initiating text conversations with her, she stopped texting me. She then took a month-long break from the gym but, texted me and her other gym friend out of the blue, asking us if we wanted to go to a morning CrossFit class with her but after I told her that I wouldn't go to the gym with her, unless she came in the afternoon, the text conversation ended.

For Halloween, she returned to the gym in the afternoon wearing a pink t-shirt from a Barbie costume, with the words "I'm With Ken" on it and an arrow that was pointing in the direction of where I was standing. When one of my friends asked her about the shirt, she said it was part of a costume that she wore with her boyfriend at a costume party. Despite a brief and polite conversation at the beginning of the class, she continued to try to be playful with me but after she noticed that I was ignoring her and focusing on the workout, she stopped.

Personally, I don't feel that I did anything wrong with how I pursued her. She was sending me mixed signals and I proceeded cautiously. When she told me about her boyfriend, I backed off but I don't know how I should approach the other stuff she does. It's obvious that she "friend zoned" me but I never saw her as a friend, and she mainly sees me as a "workout buddy", not a friend. Since, we're now involved with other people, I don't feel comfortable working out with her and I'm a little annoyed at some of her antics since revealing that she was in a relationship. 

What do you think I should do?

[ShyViolet]

She has a boyfriend, there is nothing to "do" here.  Just go about your business.  It sounds like she is getting flirtatious with you just to get attention and just to play games with you.  Just ignore it.

[ExpatInItaly]

30 minutes ago, MIAho said:

What do you think I should do?

Nothing, really. 

She isn't single and seems to see you only as a friend or workout buddy. 

31 minutes ago, MIAho said:

she returned to the gym in the afternoon wearing a pink t-shirt from a Barbie costume, with the words "I'm With Ken" on it and an arrow that was pointing in the direction of where I was standing

You realize that arrow would be pointing at random people everywhere depending on how she positioned her body in any given moment, right? That wasn't a signal aimed at you  specifically. 

33 minutes ago, MIAho said:

I don't feel that I did anything wrong with how I pursued her

You didn't do anything wrong. You shot your shot, and fair enough. Unforuantely, it was always going to be a miss since she has a boyfriend. Just keep working out when you want and keep your distance from her. She'll eventually stop trying to be your friend. 

[Wiseman2]

55 minutes ago, MIAho said:

 

 

55 minutes ago, MIAho said:

That weekend, I texted her to see what she was doing, and she told me that she was going away with her boyfriend but would be at the gym on Tuesday. 

Unfortunately it seems she sees you as a workout partner and gym buddy. Is this the same woman?:

 

Edited November 1, 2023 by Wiseman2

[MIAho]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 

Unfortunately it seems she sees you as a workout partner and gym buddy. Is this the same woman?:

 

Good Memory 

[introverted1]

It's clear from everything you wrote that she never saw you as anything more than a workout buddy.  I am not sure what you are referring to when you mention "her antics" since she made sure not to engage with you one-on-one outside of the gym.  Perhaps you mistook her friendliness for more, since you were interested and hoped she was, too?  Either way, you are both involved (happily, I presume) with other people, so just enjoy your current relationship and don't worry about this woman. 

EDIT:  so this is a woman you've been dancing around since last August?  Yikes.  Next time, either shoot your shot or don't but spending over a year looking for openings is a sure-fire way to find yourself in the friend zone. 

Edited November 1, 2023 by introverted1

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, there is no such thing--none!---as mixed signals. When people are interested in us for potential romance, they are extremely clear. 

The clue that this woman wasn't interested was that you kept "thinking" and adding up clues. If she had been interested, you would have gotten that info very clearly. If she had been interested, she would not have disappeared for three months. No way. Just flip it: would you have disappeared for three months once you caught notice of her? No way! Same with her.

Now I get it. This woman was really gregarious, friendly, playful, even possibly flirty. So you got pulled into that. The dancing, her playfulness. But the disappearance is 100 percent evidence she wasn't interested in romance. If she had been interested and had a three-month period to go out of town, she would have showed up every day beforehand and told you she was going out of town AND that she really enjoyed talking to you. 

No biggie. Just keep in mind: there are no mixed signals. Yes, there people who flirt and then go distant. But that's a clear signal of lack of interest. Mixed signals = not interested. 

Edited November 1, 2023 by Lotsgoingon

[smackie9]

You took a shot, she turned you down. She's only interested in being friends at the gym. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, MIAho said:

Personally, I don't feel that I did anything wrong with how I pursued her.

You didn't pursue her.   Effective pursuing would have involved asking her on a date inside a month of meeting her.   Instead, you behaved like a gym buddy and got treated like a gym buddy