When to ask

[Blueyes2791]

I know every situation is different but normally how many dates until you ask her to be your girlfriend? I’ve only gone on 3 dates with this girl. Dates 4 and 5 are the next two days. But we message each and talk to each other literally all day every day. We met each other through dating app. So how do I know? I don’t wanna scare her off by too few but I also don’t want her to think what’s taking so long. We are both 30. Also, do I even have to ask ? I feel like my generation you kinda have to. I’ve done this in the past 

[basil67]

Perhaps have a discussion about you having really good feelings about this and that you're not going to be dating others?   That you want to focus on her

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, Blueyes2791 said:

 I’ve only gone on 3 dates with this girl.   I don’t wanna scare her off by too few but I also don’t want her to think what’s taking so long. 

That's great that you're hitting it off. Try to pace yourself a bit. There's no need for labels at this time. If and when intimacy is introduced, have the exclusive conversation.  That's more important when it comes to getting physical. 

[Gaeta]

Use the expression *dating exclusively* instead of girlfriend & boyfriend. From 3 dates it's ok to tell her you really enjoy getting to know her and don't wish to date anyone else. Listen if she feels the same way. If she does then hide your online profile. 

The title Gf & bf comes later when you decide this is someone you want to date seriously and start  introducing to your family. 

In all my serious relationships exclusivity was addressed under 5 dates. My boyfriend told me he did not wish to date anyone else on our second date. I felt the same way but it still took 4 months for me to introduce him to my parents.

So start with exclusivity.

[Alpacalia]

Never brought up the topic of exclusively in my long-term relationships on either end, it just kind of was understood and evolved naturally on its own.

These were relationships offline though (not OLD) so perhaps a different "protocol."

Do what you feel comfortable with.

Edited November 3, 2023 by Alpacalia

[glows]

She likes you so tell her how you feel since you both seem to feel the same way. If you scare her so what. Somehow I doubt that because she would rather see you two days in a row and you speak daily. If a person isn’t interested you wouldn’t chat or see them that often so don’t overthink it and tell her how you feel whatever that is.

[Ami1uwant]

Saying bf/gf is childish.  Instead talk about exclusivity in dating. This might natural come up if sex may occur.

[Maldives]

11 hours ago, Blueyes2791 said:

I know every situation is different but normally how many dates until you ask her to be your girlfriend? I’ve only gone on 3 dates with this girl. Dates 4 and 5 are the next two days. But we message each and talk to each other literally all day every day. We met each other through dating app. So how do I know? I don’t wanna scare her off by too few but I also don’t want her to think what’s taking so long. We are both 30. Also, do I even have to ask ? I feel like my generation you kinda have to. I’ve done this in the past 

Don't ask wait for her to indicate something like 'so what are we'. Wait for her to show interest to want to know what you both are. Then confirm and show your interest in being official

 If she wants to take it up a notch she'll ask just be patient. Datings a playful dance. 

Reason being, if you ask and she's not ready or doesn't know or hasn't made up her mind, it might make things akward. It's all about timing. Let her lead there since your already interested. You can maybe drop feelers to get an indication of where she's at and watch how she reacts

Edited November 3, 2023 by Goodguy05

[d0nnivain]

You can also make a declarative statement along the lines of 

"I really like you & would like to make this 'official'.  Does that work for you?"   If she says yes, you say "great, we're exclusive!" then seal the deal with a kiss

[CollinW]

If you're hitting it off enough to where she would even say "yes" then it's kinda pointless to ask this early. It's not like someone's going to come and steal her away. And if someone does, then it wasn't as strong a connection in the first place. 

[smackie9]

Tip: texting each other shouldn't be counted as days spent on dating. You only had 3 dates so far. You are not going to miss your mark if she keeps saying yes to the dates and has frequent communication with you. I agree with the others you can express how much you like her, etc and then later let it lead to saying "lets make this official". 

[Lotsgoingon]

Texting does not equal closeness. It just doesn't. The only evidence of a relationship is time in person with the other. Phone calls are better than texts. 

But on when someone is a gf/bf, that should just come in a way that you feel it. Three dates isn't enough. Just relax and enjoy the dates--it will be clear when you guys are at the point where you are ready to commit.

Are you guys directly saying to each other how much you like the other. It's easy to have text sessions that talk all around things, about music and movies--those do NOT count. 

Have you guys kissed? Held hands? How much? The gf/bf arrangement happens after a couple has been kissing and kissing and making out---it doesn't have to be sex and really it's better early on not to be having sex.