Friend unfollows but views stories?

[GeneralHatchet01]

A friend (more ex work friend) unfollowed my personal and professional instagram accounts, we were a group of 4 but all went on to do our own thing. Meet up very rarely as a group. They’ve always been much more close, she likes and loves all there posts and never mine, something I noticed before and now she has unfollowed me (months ago) I genuinely can’t think of anything I’ve done?!. However despite this, I have realised she views my stories on my professional account ALL the time.  other things are, she deleted me off fb once when I deactivated my account but when I got back on and realised I asked her why and she said she was just clearing up anyone deactivated and then re added me (she is still my friend on FB but never interacts). She would also leave little group chats we made - I just started to feel the only link is ME? As she carries on being besties with the others liking their posts and commenting but never mine, unfollows me and leaves chat groups. What threw me completely was two days ago she messages my professional account and wishes me a happy birthday but just that. A simple happy birthday. I replied to say thank you and again, that’s it. So so weird!? Almost like she made the issue and acts like she didn’t. She isn’t even following me on instagram and she went out her way to message me on there? So please can someone give me some insight into what is going on here? I’ve felt like saying something as I find it so frustrating, so sneaky and back handed. Have no idea why anyone would do this? She still follows my other work friends. It’s not just my professional account, she unfollowed me from her professional and personal account on my professional and personal account. Now if it was just my work one, I could understand that as maybe she isn’t interested but for her to unfollow my personal one which is private seems very personal! Any advice please 🙏 

[basil67]

This is really confusing.  She's following and messaging but also unfollowing and not talking...I can't make sense of what's happening.  Perhaps a timeline would help make sense of it all?    Anyway, I can think of three possible reasons for her to not be engaging with you on social media so much.  1. "They've always been much more close".   I doubt she dislikes you, but isn't close enough to maintain contact.   2.  Perhaps you're simply not coming into her feeds because of an algorithm  3. What kind of things do you post?   Pages with lots of political opinions or "look at me" posts or "vaguebooking" can get really annoying. I generally don't unfriend them, but I certainly unfollow them.  

As an aside, given that you admit you're not close, I don't see anything wrong with a simple "happy birthday" message to you on social media.  She's just acknowledging it just like your other casual friends do.   When culling my social media contacts, I don't hesitate to unfriend a deactivated account (unless I'm super close to them) so her actions there sound normal to me.   As for her unfollowing group chats, she's unfollowing all of you.  Perhaps she doesn't like the constant alerts.  Or isn't interested in the topic.   

[GeneralHatchet01]

She unfollowed all of my instagram accounts. She still views my stories even though she doesn’t follow me anymore. She recently sent me a PM saying happy birthday but she never talks to me. Ever, as in it’s been almost a year. Mainly that. Other things such as leaving chat groups I am in, defriending me on fb once, it’s like she wants to get rid of me so why not just do that? Never message again  and stop viewing my stories every single day when you don’t follow me? I don’t understand that at all

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, GeneralHatchet01 said:

. Other things such as leaving chat groups I am in, defriending me on fb once, it’s like she wants to get rid of me so why not just do that? 

People grow apart and stuff comes up in their lives that you may not be aware of.  If it's annoying and you're not really close friends anymore, delete and block her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. 

[glows]

Well, I can see how you’d feel singled out or the only one left out if you’re the only one she doesn’t keep up with on a regular basis but let me ask you this - just how much do you have in common? Is she someone you’d think of when something exciting happens to you? Is she the person you’d call or one of the people you’d text first? No? Then ask yourself why place any importance on her.

I do understand what you’re saying and it sucks seeing someone avoid you or go out of their way to keep in touch with others but not you. I think a happy birthday without enthusiasm is slightly odd and very odd if there was simply a period after that. 

I strongly suggest not letting this bother you as much and let it roll off your back. I was watching a very cute video the other day and the message was this: Let it Go. Be kind. And stay calm. I think this mantra applies here. Don’t let this get to you and let this go.

Edited November 5, 2023 by glows

[basil67]

4 hours ago, GeneralHatchet01 said:

She unfollowed all of my instagram accounts. She still views my stories even though she doesn’t follow me anymore. She recently sent me a PM saying happy birthday but she never talks to me. Ever, as in it’s been almost a year. Mainly that. Other things such as leaving chat groups I am in, defriending me on fb once, it’s like she wants to get rid of me so why not just do that? Never message again  and stop viewing my stories every single day when you don’t follow me? I don’t understand that at all

How many IG accounts do you have? 😳 

It looks like I have to stick to my previous response:  It makes sense to unfriend a deactivated FB account if you're not close.   And if you've got multiple IG accounts, then perhaps you are quite prolific and it makes sense to limit how much of you is on her feed.  (I limit the feeds of even my dearest friends who are prolific posters).   Leaving the groups that you're in may not be about you at all.  And while just "Happy birthday" in a PM is a bit odd, it's really no different to all the meaningless HBs which go on people's feeds. 

All in all, if she wanted to be rid of you, then she'd just block you on everything.  But she hasn't done that, so it looks like she's quite happy to have you as a casual friend.  You could always block her if you're getting distressed, but I think that there is a possibility this would create problems within the greater friend group and could backfire on you.

 

[ShyViolet]

This person is not your friend.  It sounds like she is an ex friend.  When was the last time you actually hung out with her in person?

Why are you so concerned with all the petty details of social media follows / unfollows, when you don't actually have anything to do with this person in real life anymore?  Who cares if she views your stories?  If it bothers you so much then block her.  What does this all matter, and don't you think there are more important things to worry about?

[Alpacalia]

What exactly is upsetting to you about it though? Do you feel left out or is she a friend, who you have a history with, who had done something concerning you are trying understand?

Maybe your ex-work friend simply felt that she wasn't as close to you as she once was and no longer had a desire to follow your accounts or interact with you on social media. This may have been her way of politely distancing herself from the friendship. 

Could she also simply have a different level of interest in your posts compared to your other friends? Maybe she just relates to their content more and feels more connected to them. This could also explain why she interacted with them more in the past and unfollowed you, but still checks your stories.

[stillafool]

11 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

 If it bothers you so much then block her.

This is what I'm thinking.  Can't you just block her and not worry about this anymore?