Potential relationship self-sabotage

[AmonguSus97]

I used to date a girl and she was head over heels infatuated with me after the second date.

 

Unfortunately, She made some dumb joke over a text which pissed me off so I blocked her.

 

Then I apologized in person, she unblocked me, then I said I should be dating other people which hurt her feelings.

 

I choose to escalate the conflict and told her I'm not a fit for relationships after which, she blocked me

Did I screwed up big?

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, AmonguSus97 said:

She made some dumb joke over a text which pissed me off so I blocked her.hI chose to escalate the conflict and told her I'm not a fit for relationships after which, she blocked me.

 How long ago did this happen? What was the breakup/argument really about?

If you find someone annoying don't ask them out again. If you're not "fit for a relationship", she did the right thing setting you free, moving on and blocking you. 

[AmonguSus97]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

 How long ago did this happen? What was the breakup/argument really about?

If you find someone annoying don't ask them out again. If you're not "fit for a relationship", she did the right thing setting you free, moving on and blocking you. 

June 2021

The joke was basically that I wanted to plan a third date, but she said she had no time and said something along the lines of, "See ya in July!" We started dating in early June, so she basically told me to wait a month for another date.

[Gaeta]

You screwed up many times in this story. I think you need to mature a bit before dating again. 

Please leave her alone.

[AmonguSus97]

2 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

You screwed up many times in this story. I think you need to mature a bit before dating again. 

Please leave her alone.

Well she blocked me everywhere.

[glows]

25 minutes ago, AmonguSus97 said:

June 2021

The joke was basically that I wanted to plan a third date, but she said she had no time and said something along the lines of, "See ya in July!" We started dating in early June, so she basically told me to wait a month for another date.

If I’m reading this correctly she meant this cheekily as she genuinely was busy for the month of June. Was she out of town? 

It makes little sense otherwise why she had no time to see you for a month and this wouldn’t have been a joke at all. 

Which one is it?

On the one hand it could have been an unlikely “joke” and on the other hand it’s very clear she’s actually not interested in dating you or sounds immature herself/ unable to manage her time if she’s physically in town.

[AmonguSus97]

1 minute ago, glows said:

If I’m reading this correctly she meant this cheekily as she genuinely was busy for the month of June. Was she out of town? 

It makes little sense otherwise why she had no time to see you for a month and this wouldn’t have been a joke at all. 

Which one is it?

On the one hand it could have been an unlikely “joke” and on the other hand it’s very clear she’s actually not interested in dating you or sounds immature herself/ unable to manage her time if she’s physically in town.

She was physically in town, I guess she just did not have time on business days to hang out with me. Later, when I was arguing with her over text, she told me she wanted to ask me out on Saturday, but I had already started to antagonize her, so I declined

[glows]

Just now, AmonguSus97 said:

She was physically in town, I guess she just did not have time on business days to hang out with me. Later, when I was arguing with her over text, she told me she wanted to ask me out on Saturday, but I had already started to antagonize her, so I declined

This was not going to work anyway. She’s not available to date and putting someone off for a month is unreasonable.

You were wrong to escalate the issue or antagonize her but she also sounds unavailable and far too busy to support any sort of new relationship or dating life. 

I think both of you have room for improvement: she should cut out the expectation anyone is going to be ok waiting for a month for a next date/third date this early and you can learn to step away when things get heated. 

Since she blocked you she likely finds you offensive and hurtful so don’t contact her anymore. She needs to grow up also and be more realistic about her dating expectations.

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, AmonguSus97 said:

 I had already started to antagonize her, so I declined

You will not find someone to date if you block/unblock and escalate conflicts.

Practice kindness and patience. Speak the truth politely instead of feeling pissed and reacting passively and agressive.

 

[AmonguSus97]

5 minutes ago, glows said:

This was not going to work anyway. She’s not available to date and putting someone off for a month is unreasonable.

You were wrong to escalate the issue or antagonize her but she also sounds unavailable and far too busy to support any sort of new relationship or dating life. 

I think both of you have room for improvement: she should cut out the expectation anyone is going to be ok waiting for a month for a next date/third date this early and you can learn to step away when things get heated. 

Since she blocked you she likely finds you offensive and hurtful so don’t contact her anymore. She needs to grow up also and be more realistic about her dating expectations.

The funny thing is that all of this happened in the span of a single week, maybe even less.

 

At first, she "jokingly" said that I needed to wait a month for another date, but when I started to show signs of hostility, she reluctantly said something along the lines of "And to think I wanted to ask you out on Saturday..."

 

That left me incredibly confused

[glows]

1 minute ago, AmonguSus97 said:

The funny thing is that all of this happened in the span of a single week, maybe even less.

 

At first, she "jokingly" said that I needed to wait a month for another date, but when I started to show signs of hostility, she reluctantly said something along the lines of "And to think I wanted to ask you out on Saturday..."

 

That left me incredibly confused

She gaslit you into thinking you’re the problem. Please date more mature women. 

Don’t become hostile. Just walk away. Say: “Thanks but I don’t think this would work for me.” Then go your separate ways. It’s not up to you to teach someone better manners or how to date. You focus on yourself and being around available women/people who have similar schedule as you.

[Alpacalia]

3 hours ago, AmonguSus97 said:

The joke was basically that I wanted to plan a third date, but she said she had no time and said something along the lines of, "See ya in July!" We started dating in early June, so she basically told me to wait a month for another date.

I said the identical thing to someone after a first date only because he barely talked to me on the date that is why I felt compelled to say something similar to your own story.  Sometimes if there isn't a lot of conversation happening, it can be hard to determine if there is a real connection or not. I felt he did not want to get to know me and that he was just going through the motions of a date.  

The difference between our stories is that I didn't escalate the conflict or block him, it was only after I mentioned seeing him in a month at a mutual friend's party that he decided to ask to see me sooner... kind of weird, right?

In your situation, I don't think you necessarily "screwed up" but you definitely handled the situation in a way that was hurtful to the other person. It sounds like she was really into you and you kind of shut her down by saying you should date other people. However, it's understandable that the dumb joke she made could have been frustrating for you and communication via text can be tricky.

Instead of telling her you should be dating other people, you could have expressed that the joke bothered you but you still wanted to continue getting to know her. It wasn't a horrible joke she made, was it?

What she said, she said, but she probably didn't mean to hurt you.

Maybe she was nervous and trying to make a joke to break the tension. Maybe she was excited about your connection and wanted to keep the conversation going. Blocking her and then saying you're not fit for relationships? Not good.

Apologizing is great and all but your actions need to match your words and also allow you the opportunity to reflect on why you felt the need to push her away or end things so quickly. If you can take something from that then all isn't in vain.

Edited November 5, 2023 by Alpacalia

[AmonguSus97]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I said the identical thing to someone after a first date only because he barely talked to me on the date that is why I felt compelled to say something similar to your own story.  Sometimes if there isn't a lot of conversation happening, it can be hard to determine if there is a real connection or not. I felt he did not want to get to know me and that he was just going through the motions of a date.  

The difference between our stories is that I didn't escalate the conflict or block him, it was only after I mentioned seeing him in a month at a mutual friend's party that he decided to ask to see me sooner... kind of weird, right?

In your situation, I don't think you necessarily "screwed up" but you definitely handled the situation in a way that was hurtful to the other person. It sounds like she was really into you and you kind of shut her down by saying you should date other people. However, it's understandable that the dumb joke she made could have been frustrating for you and communication via text can be tricky.

Instead of telling her you should be dating other people, you could have expressed that the joke bothered you but you still wanted to continue getting to know her. It wasn't a horrible joke she made, was it?

What she said, she said, but she probably didn't mean to hurt you.

Maybe she was nervous and trying to make a joke to break the tension. Maybe she was excited about your connection and wanted to keep the conversation going. Blocking her and then saying you're not fit for relationships? Not good.

Apologizing is great and all but your actions need to match your words and also allow you the opportunity to reflect on why you felt the need to push her away or end things so quickly. If you can take something from that then all isn't in vain.

I'm happy with the day I treated her.

I don't really like people.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, AmonguSus97 said:

 Later, when I was arguing with her over text....

Given that you'd blocked her, why were you arguing with her?  

Edited November 5, 2023 by basil67

[AmonguSus97]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Given that you'd blocked her, why were you arguing with her?  

Because I started to dislike her and how affectionate she was toward me.

People aren't suppose to be affectionate toward me.

Makes me want to vomit just by thinking about it

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, AmonguSus97 said:

June 2021

 We started dating in early June, so she basically told me to wait a month for another date.

Have you dated since then?  How old is she? It seems you enjoy being alone and somehow push people away, but at some level, you want to date. 

[AmonguSus97]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Have you dated since then?  How old is she? It seems you enjoy being alone and somehow push people away, but at some level, you want to date. 

She was 26 while I was 24 back then

I date once in 2022 but with a girl that was super boring so I ditched her after a second date.

I've meeting escort since then and I do not regret that decision

 

Edited November 5, 2023 by AmonguSus97

[stillafool]

If this happened back in June 2021, why are you worrying about it now?  She's gone.

[AmonguSus97]

Just now, stillafool said:

If this happened back in June 2021, why are you worrying about it now?  She's gone.

Because I still hate her with every single fiber of my being.

 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, AmonguSus97 said:

Because I still hate her with every single fiber of my being.

 

Too bad for you because she's moved on with her life and has probably forgotten you while you are stuck in bitterness.

[basil67]

40 minutes ago, AmonguSus97 said:

Because I started to dislike her and how affectionate she was toward me.

People aren't suppose to be affectionate toward me.

Makes me want to vomit just by thinking about it

 

You hate her with every fiber of your being because she liked you?   If so, you've got bigger problems than this one girl who you didn't date.

Are you seeing a psychiatrist?

 

Edited November 5, 2023 by basil67

[AmonguSus97]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Too bad for you because she's moved on with her life and has probably forgotten you while you are stuck in bitterness.

Not really, I managed to send her death threats once and then I accidentally meet her face to face irl. She could not even bear to look at me.

[AmonguSus97]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Then you've got bigger problems than ruminating over your connection with this girl.   Are you seeking help for your mental health?

No, I do not

And I do not plan to change that

[glows]

1 hour ago, AmonguSus97 said:

I'm happy with the day I treated her.

I don't really like people.

What does this even mean, Op? We can choose to not prefer the company of others but that kind of negativity and hostility is going to make your life so difficult and painful. Case in point is this thread.  You’re focusing on someone from 2 years ago and still filled with such hatred. What is going on with you? Did someone treat you very badly? 

[stillafool]

Just now, AmonguSus97 said:

She could not even bear to look at me.

All the more reason she has put you in her rear view.  You're lucky she didn't get a restraining order against you because you appear dangerous.