little d Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 Six months ago I moved in with an acquaintance as a roomate. Things went from a good friendship to so much more he's an amazing person and treats me very good. So now we're living as a couple but we're living in a house he bought with his ex-girlfriend and mother of his child, he spent 4 years with her there, and I sleep in a bed where he started a family. I sometimes feel like I'm an intruder and just taking up were she left off. My boyfriend wants me to feel that this is my home but there is so much history there and I find it hard to have this feel like home when she's threating to take half. He would also like to have nothing to do with her besides the well beign of their daughter. They both want custody and can't come to an agreement so it's coming down to a custody battle and it doesn't seem like it's going to be very friendly. We have talked about moving out of this house. If we do move or have anything to suggest we are living common law when it comes down to custody, if she ends up getting custody my boyfriend and my income are combined to determine her child support. We haven't been toghether long and I don't mean to be selfish but thats a big decision but most of all I'm scared my boyfriend and I are going to end up resenting each other for being forced into a situation we're not ready for. I'm so confused about where I fit in. I don't want to be a roomate and I sure as hell would like to be the one to decide if I'm a wife or not, not by some idiot that put a time limit on it. My boyfriend doesn't want me to leave and I love being with him and his daughter everyday but I'm trying to decide if I should see what happens with the legalities before we get into to much together. I'm wondering if I'm just being selfish, this is one of the hardest times for him right now and the last thing I want is for him to feel as though I'm abandoning him but to some extent I feel I should protect myself also. I don't want him to feel bad for wanting to be a good father! I just want to be his girlfriend and have things happen from there because WE want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 You have received some really poor legal information. There is not one single state in the United States (I am assuming you are in the U.S.) that would combine your income with your boyfriend's income in determining child support. You are not living in a common law marriage until you have been living together seven (7) years. That is a basic premise in British Common Law dating back hundreds of years and adopted in the United States. You need to take time to go see another more competent attorney who can give you complete and accurate information regarding your position. I believe even if he sells the home he is in now and uses the money to purchase another home with you, if you put in half the money and it's in your name as well as his, she can only get a court order for him to mortgage a portion of his half as a settlement. Ask a sober attorney about this. Anyway, go get proper legal counsel so you can make an informed decision. I'm sure you will agree it is pretty lame, irrational, and actually bizarre to think the income of a girlfriend of a few months duration could be combined with his in a divorce situation. That kind of logic is from another galaxy. Once you get that straightened out, you can assess the entire picture more rationally. I think if he is very serious about you, he should get rid of this house...because you are understandably uncomfortable there, sleeping in the same bed where he had sex with his ex...and go find a brand new place to live together. Do this as soon as possible. I wish you and your guy great happiness...and much better legal advice than you have obtained thus far. Link to post Share on other sites
little d Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 I live in Canada were common law is as little as 6 months of living together. I know people personally that this has happened to. I have a girl friend that has a child with a guy and she doesn't even get her own baby bonus cheques or GST cheques because it is labled as income and it goes to the mother of his first child. You have received some really poor legal information. There is not one single state in the United States (I am assuming you are in the U.S.) that would combine your income with your boyfriend's income in determining child support. You are not living in a common law marriage until you have been living together seven (7) years. That is a basic premise in British Common Law dating back hundreds of years and adopted in the United States. You need to take time to go see another more competent attorney who can give you complete and accurate information regarding your position. I believe even if he sells the home he is in now and uses the money to purchase another home with you, if you put in half the money and it's in your name as well as his, she can only get a court order for him to mortgage a portion of his half as a settlement. Ask a sober attorney about this. Anyway, go get proper legal counsel so you can make an informed decision. I'm sure you will agree it is pretty lame, irrational, and actually bizarre to think the income of a girlfriend of a few months duration could be combined with his in a divorce situation. That kind of logic is from another galaxy. Once you get that straightened out, you can assess the entire picture more rationally. I think if he is very serious about you, he should get rid of this house...because you are understandably uncomfortable there, sleeping in the same bed where he had sex with his ex...and go find a brand new place to live together. Do this as soon as possible. I wish you and your guy great happiness...and much better legal advice than you have obtained thus far. Link to post Share on other sites
Vizom Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 I don't know the legalities of common law marriages in Canada, but in the handful of states in the US that recognize common law marriages, there are other factors besides cohabitating that must be met to determine the validity of such a relationship. The couple must also present themselves as a married couple. For example, the female using the husband's surname, filing joint income tax returns etc. I live in Canada were common law is as little as 6 months of living together. I know people personally that this has happened to. I have a girl friend that has a child with a guy and she doesn't even get her own baby bonus cheques or GST cheques because it is labled as income and it goes to the mother of his first child. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 4, 2001 Share Posted July 4, 2001 If your income will actually be figured in with his, move out of his home for the legal time required to cancel a common law situation. Then move back. Go find a good attorney. The really sharp ones can do incredible things with the law. Canada law is bizarre...although the people are nice. Link to post Share on other sites
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