He saw my message and didn't reply

[GoodVibess]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

I agree that his schedule is too full for dating.  And unless you both work in hospitality/customer service with late shifts, 10pm is a ridiculous time to offer a date

That said, I also agree that "Hi" is a lacklustre greeting....I'm not sure I'd be inspired to respond to that either.   At the very least, send someone a "Hi, it's GoodVibes. I'm back from my weekend away and hoping we can arrange to meet"   Did he block you before or after you sent that message?

He blocked me before I texted him asking when he was able to meet.

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, GoodVibess said:

I will ask him but I feel he will get upset and ignore me again after he suggests a day. He has asked me out about 2 times already and I have rejected because I have other plans.

Thr ball is now in your court to be proactive in setting up dates.

 

if I asked do you want to get together on Saturday and you say sorry I’m busy and don’t counter with a statement of I’m free on Tuesday…turns me off.  You did it twice.

[basil67]

Just now, GoodVibess said:

He blocked me before I texted him asking when he was able to meet.

Ah, so the Hi didn't kill it then!   Still though, better to use a few more words in future texts

[GoodVibess]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Ah, so the Hi didn't kill it then!   Still though, better to use a few more words in future texts

But why would anyone block after a simple “Hi” I’m confused.

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, GoodVibess said:

But why would anyone block after a simple “Hi” I’m confused.

It's not confusing at all. You turned him down twice, so he probably forgot about you and when you texted hi its like junk email forgot to delete. He may have thought you were a scammer or timewaster since you never suggested meeting at an alternative time.

Please be more sincere and communicate appropriately if you seriously want to date.  Get organized as far as when you are free to meet people and how to communicate messages with information that people will respond to.

Please understand that although your intention was not to be rude, dismissive or indifferent, but that's how it can come across.  

[GoodVibess]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not confusing at all. You turned him down twice, so he probably forgot about you and when you texted hi its like junk email forgot to delete. He may have thought you were a scammer or timewaster since you never suggested meeting at an alternative time.

Please be more sincere and communicate appropriately if you seriously want to date.  Get organized as far as when you are free to meet people and how to communicate messages with information that people will respond to.

Please understand that although your intention was not to be rude, dismissive or indifferent, but that's how it can come across.  

Okay, I understand I guess I’m not really interested in meeting after the previous date I had. I still think of him at times. 

[glows]

23 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

But why would anyone block after a simple “Hi” I’m confused.

He lost interest. I seriously doubt anyone cares enough to feel offended by you or the way you said hi. You have never even met him. Not once. He just moved on and decided this wasn’t going to work. 

The conversations may have been boring or not enough in common also. You say he’s a business owner and you’re a student. How do you see this working? Do you think it would have worked out?

[ladyeatinggreens20]

1 hour ago, glows said:

This guy wanted to meet you at 10pm? That’s not a date. It’s a booty call.

I think you dodged a bullet...

facts!

Edited November 7, 2023 by ladyeatinggreens20

[Wiseman2]

23 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

 I guess I’m not really interested in meeting after the previous date I had. I still think of him at times. 

That's ok. Just take a break from dating for a while. But please don't play games. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, GoodVibess said:

But why would anyone block after a simple “Hi” I’m confused.

Because words matter.  You're right that the "hi" is simple. It's also low effort. It's lazy. It's disinterested.  Boring. And if it was sent my way, I wouldn't hesitate to think that this is a reflection of them as a person.  And you've got to remember that there's always another person out there waiting to be picked and it's a fair bet that they can string a dozen words together. 

Look, if you're in a relationship/friendship with someone and the two of you have a comfortable shorthand going, then it's absolutely fine.   But if it's early days of dating or friendship, it's wise to put in more than the absolute minimum effort.   If forming a sentence is too much effort, then it's probably best to look inwards and consider how you're feeling about everything.

[robaday]

I found this trend recently where I (a male) would be online dating, match with someone and ask them out quite quickly - it saves endless exchanges, allows us to have more to talk about in person and also cuts out time wasters. I had several women say that they were busy at the time I suggested but did not offer an alternative. If that happens I assume they aren't interested and move on. I know they are likely to be busy people and so dont expect them to drop everything, but I figure if they are interested they will offer an alternative time or date. One did similar to you, politely declined two invitations to meet, and then sent me a similar message and I replied and just said I was looking to meet people in real life and wished her the best of luck. Just writing this to show you how it comes across if no alternative time is offered. I am happy to try twice, but afterwards I leave it be as I have better things to do. 

[Alpacalia]

13 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

Yes, I didn’t mention but I previously asked to meet earlier in the day and he said he was never able to. He said he was only available at “night” 

You came across disinterested, OP.

I can understand if you had reservations about him suggesting you meet at 10pm so you probably felt that by doing what you did that you were standing your ground and asserting your boundaries. However, the way you approached it came across as flippant and uncaring.

You had the choice to either write him off altogether after he kept suggesting late night plans, or since it seems that you were still interested in him, you could have conveyed your reservations while simultaneously making an effort to see him at a different time that would work for you.

I also agree with Glows that if he owns his own business and can only afford meeting late in the evenings, and you are a student, then you both have very different lifestyles that you are currently leading. If you want it to work, your lifestyles would have to change to reflect that. You were within your right to not accommodate his preferred time to meet, but at the end of the day, how you choose to convey this has an impact on the other person. I personally (across the pond) would be turned off by someone suggesting a 10pm first date, but that's just me. If we had been on a few dates and I actually liked the person, I would try to make an effort to see him during the day or at a time that worked for both of us since I would value building a connection with that person.

Not out of the gate, meet at 10pm like that was the only way to make things work.

Edited November 7, 2023 by Alpacalia

[NuevoYorko]

13 hours ago, GoodVibess said:

The message won’t go through, so he blocked me. This is shocking.

Why?  You are taking this way too seriously.   This is a guy you've never met.  There are any number of reasons he may have decided not to meet you.  You should be taking none of them personally, since he doesn't even know you.  Clearly it was not going to work out, so be glad that you didn't invest a lot of time and hope into this stranger.

[Alvi]

14 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

He asked you out and you were busy. Then you message him "hi". What exactly is he supposed to do with that?

Say you're back and would love to arrange something.

Yes this is exactly what I thought. What are you supposed to say to "hi" message? Why don't you say to him :"I am back in town now so how about we go grab a cup of coffee together. When are you free to meet? I am free on XYZ days and times" and see what he says. If he replies, great! If not, forget about him and move on.

[NuevoYorko]

For future reference, I suggest NOT texting "hi" to anybody you're corresponding with from OLD who you have not met.  

It is the hallmark of a time waster.

Not saying YOU are a time waster,  or him either - but it really comes off as if you want a text/ chat buddy.  

Please do not look to contacts from OLD as potential chat buddies!   It will just lead nowhere except to a place where you feel bad.   

The whole point is to try to set up a meeting and  see if there is potential ONCE YOU'VE MET.

If you stick to that script - minimal back and forth chitchat and keep it focussed on setting up a meeting - you will find yourself much less emotionally battered by the whole OLD scene.

And good on you for posting recent realistic pictures.  Catfishing is the ultimate in time wasting on OLD, and as you know it will come back to bite you.

[GoodVibess]

13 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's ok. Just take a break from dating for a while. But please don't play games. 

Well he is clearly playing games, he just texted me “Hi” after blocking me.

[GoodVibess]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why?  You are taking this way too seriously.   This is a guy you've never met.  There are any number of reasons he may have decided not to meet you.  You should be taking none of them personally, since he doesn't even know you.  Clearly it was not going to work out, so be glad that you didn't invest a lot of time and hope into this stranger.

You’re right but he is very handsome and tiktok famous lol. 

[Alpacalia]

Next time when you're interested and don't mind late night invites, suggest an alternate.

Easy peezy.

I just arranged a meetup with someone I haven't seen in over a year. It took a few minutes. 

At this point you're spending more time blocking and unblocking eachother more than anything else.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, GoodVibess said:

You’re right but he is very handsome and tiktok famous lol. 

Maybe he wants more followers? Still wondering where this hi - hi - hi conversation is going.  Do you  still want to go out with him? 

[GoodVibess]

33 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Maybe he wants more followers? Still wondering where this hi - hi - hi conversation is going.  Do you  still want to go out with him? 

Yes we have a date scheduled for friday hopefully he doesn’t flake lol

[basil67]

If you have a date coming up, why did you tell us that he blocked you?

And besides the complete irrelevance of being handsome and tiktok famous, why are you interested in him?

Edited November 7, 2023 by basil67

[Wiseman2]

8 minutes ago, GoodVibess said:

Yes we have a date scheduled for friday hopefully he doesn’t flake lol

Excellent. Enjoy the date. Hopefully he's a better conversationalist in person. What is he "Tiktok famous" for? Is this a hobby or something he gets paid for like an influencer? 

[GoodVibess]

50 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If you have a date coming up, why did you tell us that he blocked you?

And besides the complete irrelevance of being handsome and tiktok famous, why are you interested in him?

Because he blocked me, the message didn’t go through after asking his schedule and then he texted me “Hi” today. He seems friendly enough but I can tell there will be complications unfortunately.

Edited November 7, 2023 by GoodVibess

[GoodVibess]

43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Excellent. Enjoy the date. Hopefully he's a better conversationalist in person. What is he "Tiktok famous" for? Is this a hobby or something he gets paid for like an influencer? 

He appears to be a racer and he shows off his race car while flying his flag on backroads. Lol

[semble]

I suspect if things progress there will be turbulence.