Like a Younger Guy, Met in Formal Circumstances

[CatsMeow]

I know not to practically expect this younger guy to ever contact me. I ended liking a guy who was doing something for me in a professional capacity, when we met. This is a profession that looks down upon dating the what might be best described as, "customers." And I just keep allowing myself to fantasize that he contacts me since I am no longer tied to him being a kind of, "customer."  

    I have also been beating myself up and feeling like since I am a bit over 50, that I wouldn't deserve to be "with him" over my age-who is maybe 10-14 years older? My last romance was with a guy 11 years younger. I have-still limited experience dating men whom are more than 3-5 years younger than me. But I really like him. 

Edited November 7, 2023 by CatsMeow
word auto corrected wrong?

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, CatsMeow said:

.This is a profession that looks down upon dating the what might be best described as, "customers." 

Have you considered quality paid relationship focused dating apps and perhaps apps including your age group?

It's ok to have a crush on someone you interact with (is he a healthcare provider or other type of professional?)

If you are home and on disability as well as struggling financially, perhaps reach out to local government and charity organizations for help. 

[glows]

You can like whomever you want and fantasize as much as you like. There is no issue with that, OP. As long as you realize it’s fantasy and not realistic. I’m not even going to address the issue of knowing this person professionally because I think you know already it’s a bad idea to start. I think you’re feeling lonely but it’s causing you to have these thoughts that aren’t very rooted in reality and you are aware they won’t ever materialize into anything. 

[basil67]

You don't say exactly what your connection is, but I'm guessing that his profession is one which has ethical boundaries in dating their clients.  If he is indeed an ethical person, he is very unlikely to contact you.   As far as "deserving" to be with someone, I don't believe relationships work that way.  Rather, it's about compatibility and mutual attraction.  They might be younger or older, but it all needs to align.  

Your other post mentioned that you are new to your city, are on disability and don't have decent housing.  Honestly, I think the first priority is to get yourself settled and start to make casual connections.   Do you have a social worker to help you settle in to the new area?  Are there any jobs you're able to do in perhaps a part time capacity?

Edited November 7, 2023 by basil67

[Sony12]

For starters no reason at all to feel guilty about being a little infatuated with a guy whose only a decade younger than you. That's pretty much par for the course on dating sites these days (there are women in their  60's and 70's having flings with guys in their 40's on there). There are women your age who are having things with guys just a few years removed from college. A decade difference is nothing.

As far as the work thing though that can be a little more tricky. Office romances definitely aren't uncommon but at the same time they can cause issues. Aside from potential HR issues it can also be an issue to have your dating partner be a part of your every day life from the very beginning. Most people don't have dating partner be a part of their every day life until they are serious with them but when you are dating somebody you are addicted with at work they are part of your every day life from the very beginning.

 

 

[CatsMeow]

This person is no longer tied to me in any professional way and I have moved at least 600 miles away into another state. I am trained in social work myself. I just haven't made real friends here yet. No, finding housing is difficult for a single women of any age because when you rent rooms from a male landlord even if they don't live in the house too, you usually get sexually harassed by them. Men own like 80 percent of housing in most areas of the single people that own houses goes. 

[Sony12]

21 minutes ago, CatsMeow said:

This person is no longer tied to me in any professional way and I have moved at least 600 miles away into another state. I am trained in social work myself. I just haven't made real friends here yet. No, finding housing is difficult for a single women of any age because when you rent rooms from a male landlord even if they don't live in the house too, you usually get sexually harassed by them. Men own like 80 percent of housing in most areas of the single people that own houses goes. 

 

Well if you aren't tied to each other in any professional way anylonger than there is nothing to worry about. The age difference isn't all that significant compared to what some other people out there are doing in the dating scene these days. If you aren't local to each other than that would likely be a problem but if you are and still have his contact info just send him a message telling him that you would like to get to know him better. See what he says.

[Gaeta]

49 minutes ago, CatsMeow said:

This person is no longer tied to me in any professional way and I have moved at least 600 miles away into another state.

Understand that you keep on thinking about him because you are lonely, you wish for a romance, and you made him the object of your fantasy. You need to snap out of it by getting busy, joining a new group where you live and making new friends. When a fantasy is taking over it's because we are unhappy in our reality life. Make your reality happy, joining a dating site is a good idea.

Edited November 7, 2023 by Gaeta

[Sony12]

Yeah if the guy isn't local to you it's best to just join a dating site. If you are finding that you are becoming attracted to younger men you can find one on there.

[Alpacalia]

You're human.  We all fantasize, and it's natural to think about what could be, especially when you develop feelings for someone. Age shouldn't be a barrier to pursuing someone you are attracted to, as long as both parties are consenting adults. I personally wouldn't date someone too much younger because it just doesn't appeal to me. But, it's a personal preference and if it works for you,  then go for it. 

But try not to get too caught up in this fantasy or waiting for him to contact you. If he does, great! But if not, try to move on and focus on finding someone who is available and interested in pursuing a relationship with you. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, CatsMeow said:

This person is no longer tied to me in any professional way and I have moved at least 600 miles away into another state. I am trained in social work myself. I just haven't made real friends here yet. No, finding housing is difficult for a single women of any age because when you rent rooms from a male landlord even if they don't live in the house too, you usually get sexually harassed by them. Men own like 80 percent of housing in most areas of the single people that own houses goes. 

Sorry to hear he's 600 miles away.  Even if he did feel a vibe with you, I can't imagine that he'd reach out to you now that you've moved.  It's just not sustainable