Why Wouldn't She Let Me Go [UPDATED]

[Down44]

I am friend’s with this female friend and we are somewhat close. I asked her what I mean to her and she told me I’m her good friend. One time me she confided in me that a boy she liked put her down. I already knew about it because she gave me her phone knowing I would see the messages anyway. So through out the day I didn’t tell her I knew.

I was just gonna say little motivational words to her but she beat me to it. She told me about it so I grabbed her hand and told her to look at me in the eyes. I told her the most sweetest things that don’t ever think of that about yourself. The things she said about herself in the text messages made me sad. 
 

Some time later I met her boo and her boo told me she said so much good things about me to him. I told her you can’t do that. She doesn’t understand why I say this at all. I also warned her that her boo wasn’t good because I observed him. I saw him yell at her but didn’t say anything. She walked away so I watched if the guy will walk and follow her. So she sat at the bench and I watched the guy again if he’ll go sit next to her. Sadly I had to go to her and cheer her up so she can smile again. Days later her and him split because he spit in her face/punch the wall/etc. So this short relationship ended.

So days later she wanted to disappear(delete everything) so while we were having a conversation she said she loved me. The first time I ever heard her say it to me. I was shocked she said it to me. 
 

A few days later we had an argument about how she is living. I nag on her because I see something in her and don’t like the destructive path she is on. I said it in front of her friends and she felt I embarrassed her. After that she blocked me. I thought the friendship was over but she messaged me 1 hour later saying I was a bad person/embarrassed her. After that she rekindled the friendship with me. 
 
I’m trying to understand why she won’t let me go. I don’t know if there is something I’m missing. 

Edited December 8, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
More information.

[Alpacalia]

Try not to focus on why she won't let you go, but rather continue to be a good friend to her. She may still have some growing and maturing to do, but with a good friend like you by her side, she will have someone to turn to when she needs it. Do you have romantic feelings towards her? That changes things a bit but the answer to why your friendship is still intact doesn't change much. It's still a mutually beneficial friendship to both parties.

She felt embarrassed because you did it in front of her friends, if she isn't open to constructive criticism it's not time to harshly do that, next time do in a private place where your both more comfortable about that subject.

Just hang with, don’t nag, support without judgement and keep being a good guy.

Edited November 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, Down44 said:

 I nag on her because I see something in her and don’t like the destructive path she is on. I said it in front of her friends. After that she blocked me.

How long have you known each other? Do you go to school or work together? How old is she? 

What is it about her lifestyle that you "nagged" her about and why did you do that in front of her friends? 

If she blocked you she is "letting you go".  Please step back. She doesn't want to be more than friends anyway.

You don't seem to get along that well and unfortunately there seems to be a mutual lack of respect. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Down44]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you known each other? Do you go to school or work together? How old is she? 

What is it about her lifestyle that you "nagged" her about and why did you do that in front of her friends? 

If she blocked you she is "letting you go".  Please step back. She doesn't want to be more than friends anyway.

You don't seem to get along that well and unfortunately there seems to be a mutual lack of respect. 

Yea she blocked me but ended up texting me 1 hour later. After that we became friends again. She runs the streets. Like it’s bad. She doesn’t have a stable place she stays at and I be on her to do better cuz I honestly do love her a lot. I told her already while everyone quits and leaves her that I will always be there for her. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44
Word misspelled

[Down44]

28 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Try not to focus on why she won't let you go, but rather continue to be a good friend to her. She may still have some growing and maturing to do, but with a good friend like you by her side, she will have someone to turn to when she needs it. Do you have romantic feelings towards her? That changes things a bit but the answer to why your friendship is still intact doesn't change much. It's still a mutually beneficial friendship to both parties.

She felt embarrassed because you did it in front of her friends, if she isn't open to constructive criticism it's not time to harshly do that, next time do in a private place where your both more comfortable about that subject.

Just hang with, don’t nag, support without judgement and keep being a good guy.

Thank you very much. Your advice is worth to listen too. I put this on a men’s app and everyone dissed me. They said leave her/etc. 

[Alpacalia]

12 minutes ago, Down44 said:

Yea she blocked me but ended up texting me 1 hour later. After that we became friends again. She runs the streets. Like it’s bad. She doesn’t have a stable place she stays at and I be on her to do better cuz I honestly do love her a lot. I told her already while everyone quits and leaves her that I will always be there for her. 

That's really a terrible thing to say about her.

While it's understandable that you may feel frustrated with her choices, it's her own journey and struggles. 

You said she unblocked you and is texting you again, so it's clear that she still values your friendship. 

You're not there to control her, you're there to support her and be her friend. If you can't do that, then it's best for both of you to let the friendship go. Focus on being a better friend and less on trying to "save" her. The best way you can help her is by being a positive influence, rather than trying to change her or tell her what to do. 

Make sure you understand and respect her boundaries and don't try to push for more than she is willing to offer. Ultimately, it's her decision to make and you should respect that.

If it hurts you too much to see her making choices that you don't agree with, then step back. 

 

[Wiseman2]

32 minutes ago, Down44 said:

 She runs the streets. Like it’s bad. She doesn’t have a stable place she stays at and I be on her to do better .

What exactly do you mean by this? Is she homeless or a runaway or on drugs or prostituting? Belittling her isn't helping her at all. 

If you want to help her, please take her to social services or the welfare department so she can get help with housing, food, medical and mental healthcare. Going through her phone and nagging her is not kind or helpful. 

[Down44]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What exactly do you mean by this? Is she homeless or a runaway or on drugs or prostituting? Belittling her isn't helping her at all. 

If you want to help her, please take her to social services or the welfare department so she can get help with housing, food, medical and mental healthcare. Going through her phone and nagging her is not kind or helpful. 

Yes she is homeless. She bounce from house to house. I did tell her when my relative leaves my house she can live with me. She always begs me if she can stay with me or she ask me can me and her get a place together. I told her I will always be there for her when all the others quit or leave her. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Down44 said:

Yes she is homeless. She bounce from house to house.

How old is she? Does she work or go to school? Where are her family? Why is she homeless? Does she do drugs? 

Honestly she needs a lot more help than you can give her. Please don't use her situation to get her to live with you. 

She needs serious help from social services or welfare. Do either of you work or have a car or a way to get to the welfare department? 

[Down44]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old is she? Does she work or go to school? Where are her family? Why is she homeless? Does she do drugs? 

Honestly she needs a lot more help than you can give her. Please don't use her situation to get her to live with you. 

She needs serious help from social services or welfare. Do either of you work or have a car or a way to get to the welfare department? 

I know I know. I feel your point. She about 20 years old. She doesn’t work. She literally bounce from one guy house to the next. A few days ago she told me she going to a person house. She said that was her only hope to have a roof over her head. The reason I want her to live with me is so she safe and don’t have to trade her body to have a place to stay. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, Down44 said:

. She about 20 years old. She doesn’t work. The reason I want her to live with me is so she safe and don’t have to trade her body to have a place to stay. 

If she is using drugs or prostituting for a place to stay, all you can do is get her appropriate help from welfare rather than be just another guy putting a roof over her head for your own reasons. Your offer is not a solution. She needs a decent job and food and healthcare. 

[SurfCity]

How did you meet her? Is she a prostitute? Are you a former/current client? 

How old are you? 

Where is her family? Why aren't they helping her? 

[Down44]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If she is using drugs or prostituting for a place to stay, all you can do is get her appropriate help from welfare rather than be just another guy putting a roof over her head for your own reasons. Your offer is not a solution. She needs a decent job and food and healthcare. 

To have her with me is not for my own selfish reasons. I’m not gonna use her. I told her this multiple. I known her for a good 6 months and me and her never slept together. We have slept in the same bed/sometimes she ask me to massage her body/etc but I never had sex with her which I’m really surprised. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[Down44]

5 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

How did you meet her? Is she a prostitute? Are you a former/current client? 

How old are you? 

Where is her family? Why aren't they helping her? 

I meet her so weird. Her grandma doesn’t want her to live with her at all. She told me on multiple occasions. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[Down44]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

If she is using drugs or prostituting for a place to stay, all you can do is get her appropriate help from welfare rather than be just another guy putting a roof over her head for your own reasons. Your offer is not a solution. She needs a decent job and food and healthcare. 

I understand but by her living with me she for have to sleep with anyone to have a place to stay. 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Down44 said:

 she ask me to massage her body/etc but I never had sex with her which I’m really surprised. 

This doesn't get her off the streets or a job or food or healthcare. This is for your own satisfaction. You're obviously trying to have sex with her. 

If she aged out of foster care, she can go to the welfare department for assistance with housing, food, medical care and job training. 

[Down44]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This doesn't get her off the streets or a job or food or healthcare. This is for your own satisfaction. You're obviously trying to have sex with her. 

If she aged out of foster care, she can go to the welfare department for assistance with housing, food, medical care and job training. 

Do I have to repeat myself. I never had sex with her. This girl will sleep with other guys but me she so strict on me. Like do you hear or not. I am not trying to have sex with her. Like if you know how many guys she sleeps with. But me she is strict with me. 

[Down44]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This doesn't get her off the streets or a job or food or healthcare. This is for your own satisfaction. You're obviously trying to have sex with her. 

If she aged out of foster care, she can go to the welfare department for assistance with housing, food, medical care and job training. 

If I wanted to sleep with her I would have slept with her the first day I met her but didn’t. She threw herself on me because she didn’t have a place to stay. I grabbed her and shacked her. She was so surprised and shocked. She said I haven’t met no guy like me. After that me and her became friends. 

[MsJayne]

26 minutes ago, Down44 said:

If I wanted to sleep with her I would have slept with her the first day I met her but didn’t. She threw herself on me because she didn’t have a place to stay. I grabbed her and shacked her. She was so surprised and shocked. She said I haven’t met no guy like me. After that me and her became friends. 

Just keep on being a good dude and help her out when you can. Living the life she is will be doing so much damage to her that she'll need more support than you can give her to get her on her feet. Usually when people find themselves in her predicament it's due to mental health problems, so it's vital that she gets the right kind of help. Usually I'd say it's wrong to criticise someone in front of others, but in this case it may have been the rude jolt she needed, sometimes a bit of humiliation is the thing that makes someone change their perception and then, in a best case scenario, a behaviour change follows. Clearly you hit a nerve because she reacted with anger, and I find it interesting that she contacted you such a short time later to resume your friendship. She needs you, and she knows that. At the same time as helping her you need to be aware that, because she's in a desperate situation, she will use people if they make themselves available to be used. You can feed her, put a roof over her head, help her find a paying job, help her build some self-esteem and find her self respect, but don't give her money. You're a nice guy and there should be more like you . 

[Down44]

5 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

Just keep on being a good dude and help her out when you can. Living the life she is will be doing so much damage to her that she'll need more support than you can give her to get her on her feet. Usually when people find themselves in her predicament it's due to mental health problems, so it's vital that she gets the right kind of help. Usually I'd say it's wrong to criticise someone in front of others, but in this case it may have been the rude jolt she needed, sometimes a bit of humiliation is the thing that makes someone change their perception and then, in a best case scenario, a behaviour change follows. Clearly you hit a nerve because she reacted with anger, and I find it interesting that she contacted you such a short time later to resume your friendship. She needs you, and she knows that. At the same time as helping her you need to be aware that, because she's in a desperate situation, she will use people if they make themselves available to be used. You can feed her, put a roof over her head, help her find a paying job, help her build some self-esteem and find her self respect, but don't give her money. You're a nice guy and there should be more like you . 

Thank you very much. I love your advice and what you said. I know she loves me because she won’t let me go. 

[glows]

Who is the relative living with you? Do you own the home? Where would your relative go? Does this relative know about this woman and what does your relative who lives with you think about her(if they know about her)? 

Are you employed /how do you support yourself? If she moves in with you are you aware you may be inviting her contacts from the street to your home or implicating yourself in illegal business etc? 

This is just an outsiders view. I don’t particularly care for her the same way as you and am looking at the both of you and the risks involved should she move in. There are concerns about your safety and issues taking on social work like this that I feel are best left to professionals. You come from a good place but I think it’s misplaced.

[Down44]

2 hours ago, glows said:

Who is the relative living with you? Do you own the home? Where would your relative go? Does this relative know about this woman and what does your relative who lives with you think about her(if they know about her)? 

Are you employed /how do you support yourself? If she moves in with you are you aware you may be inviting her contacts from the street to your home or implicating yourself in illegal business etc? 

This is just an outsiders view. I don’t particularly care for her the same way as you and am looking at the both of you and the risks involved should she move in. There are concerns about your safety and issues taking on social work like this that I feel are best left to professionals. You come from a good place but I think it’s misplaced.

❤️ your point. 

[SurfCity]

7 hours ago, Down44 said:

I meet her so weird. 

What does this mean? 

[Down44]

10 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

What does this mean? 

I met her through someone else. She was with the other person but ended up liking me. She liked me because I was nice to her without knowing it. I wasn’t doing it for her I did it out my character. Unfortunately this made her like me has a person because maybe other men aren’t nice to her. So he and her had a fall out. She had my number and called me out of desperation for a place to stay. So she threw herself on my begging me. I told her stop the nonsense. I will not use you like the other guys do for your body. Honestly I had to control my sexual urge because I vowed I wouldn’t use her for her body. She was so shocked and surprised. She couldn’t believe it. I ended up getting her ticket back home instead. She did confess to me once she loved me a few weeks ago. I was surprised and shocked. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Down44 said:

. I ended up getting her ticket back home instead. 

Where is she now? Where is "back home"?