Why Wouldn't She Let Me Go [UPDATED]

[Down44]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So, reading between the lines: you were essentially telling her she needs you in her life, and needs to be loyal to you. You didn't need to say it in those words because the real meaning is clear. 

It is obvious you are in love with her, and you are upset and hurt she doesn't return those feelings. Let's just get real here, man. You wouldn't be trying so hard to be her White Knight otherwise. 

This is a very young woman with a boatload of problems. You are being naive if you believe she is going to stick around for any sort of consistent friendship. The sort of support and help she needs is way above your pay-grade, and you need to realize you aren't going to get a stable and lasting connection from her. 

If you choose to entangle yourself with erratic and unstable people, you are going to be disappointed again and again. Your expectations for what a friendship with her will look like are simply unrealistic. 

Not loyal to me. She has a problem of being disloyal to people in general. So I tell her to learn how to be nice to people/loyal to others who help you because you’ll win in the long run with them instead of doing something to break the friendship. 

[Down44]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

So, reading between the lines: you were essentially telling her she needs you in her life, and needs to be loyal to you. You didn't need to say it in those words because the real meaning is clear. 

It is obvious you are in love with her, and you are upset and hurt she doesn't return those feelings. Let's just get real here, man. You wouldn't be trying so hard to be her White Knight otherwise. 

This is a very young woman with a boatload of problems. You are being naive if you believe she is going to stick around for any sort of consistent friendship. The sort of support and help she needs is way above your pay-grade, and you need to realize you aren't going to get a stable and lasting connection from her. 

If you choose to entangle yourself with erratic and unstable people, you are going to be disappointed again and again. Your expectations for what a friendship with her will look like are simply unrealistic. 

If you saw what I read I said the woman is disloyal to people. Not just me say but her friends say it in pieces about her. She does something’s that is questionable that I won’t say here. So I question her unfriendliness to people around her. 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, Down44 said:

She has a problem of being disloyal to people in general.

Why is this your concern? Unless it affects you, it's her problem. Not yours. 

9 minutes ago, Down44 said:

So I tell her to learn how to be nice to people/loyal to others who help you

While this is fine advice, it's also not your place to teach her these lessons. She is young but she is not completely clueless. I am sure she realizes that being unkind to people is not a good way to endear peoeple to her. You don't need to make it your problem to give her life lessons. She isn't going to listen anyway. 

3 minutes ago, Down44 said:

So I question her unfriendliness to people around her

What you should be questioning is why you want a person like this in your life. If you see she is not good to people, then it's rather strange you want to be her friend. I wouldn't. I choose people who generally 

4 minutes ago, Down44 said:

She does something’s that is questionable that I won’t say here

It's already been mentioned in this thread that she prositutes herself. Is that what you are referring to? 

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, Down44 said:

If you saw what I read I said the woman is disloyal to people

I saw that. I just don't believe that's why you're upset. 

[Down44]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I saw that. I just don't believe that's why you're upset. 

I am. That’s my fight with her. 

[ExpatInItaly]

16 minutes ago, Down44 said:

I am. That’s my fight with her. 

That she is disloyal to people in general?

Do you feel she is disloyal to you as well? 

Edited December 8, 2023 by ExpatInItaly

[basil67]

3 hours ago, Down44 said:

I am. That’s my fight with her. 

But why are you fighting with her?   Just apologise for giving unwanted advice and let it drop.   

You said previously that you nag her.....well the fights are entirely because of your nagging.  Thing is, if she's going to undertake personal growth, it will be because SHE is ready to do it.  Just let her be.  

[Alpacalia]

I don't quite understand why you would want to be friends with her when you feel this way. Why not focus on positive and supportive friendships? It's also not fair for you to ask someone to change their personality or behavior in order to maintain a friendship with them. You're better off finding friends who already possess qualities that you value and appreciate, rather than trying to change someone to fit your expectations. She has every right to be however she wants to be, just as you do. Your frustration with her is your burden, not hers.

[Down44]

9 hours ago, basil67 said:

But why are you fighting with her?   Just apologise for giving unwanted advice and let it drop.   

You said previously that you nag her.....well the fights are entirely because of your nagging.  Thing is, if she's going to undertake personal growth, it will be because SHE is ready to do it.  Just let her be.  

🙌

[StarRockstar222]

I have a female friend that I like. I always tell her I like her but she always say I’m keeping ya as my friend. I don't know what she likes about me that she wants me to be her friend. Sometimes I do things not of me and she ends up not running away from me. I do all this because I love her so much and don’t know any other way except showing my fake mean side to her hoping she’ll run away from me but every time I fail at it. 

She always tells me I’m a good great friend. One time she was in a bad situation (she wanted to runaway and get off grid because she was scared about something) and told me she love me out of nowhere. I was shocked. Another time she had a boy put her down and she told me so I grabbed her hand and looked in her eyes. I told her stuff to lift up her spirit. 

Another time she was in a relationship and I stepped away from her to forget about her. After that they split and she initiated contact with me 1st. I told her yesterday you know I tried my best to forget you but you initiated contact with me. I asked her why she told me because you are my friend and I care about you. I’m just confused. 

Another time she had another boo and she told the guy so many things about me. He told me secretly that she told him so many things about a me. That I was her good friend. I argued with her that you can’t do that but she couldn’t understand what I was trying to say. 

One time we were in a restaurant and she asked me can she get a bite of my food. I looked at her confused like she never done that before to me. All these things I don’t understand. I don't know what to do. Is tough being her friend while you like her so much. How do I move on from her.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, StarRockstar222 said:

. I told her yesterday you know I tried my best to forget you but you initiated contact with me. Another time she had another boo and she told the guy so many things about me. 

Would you like to be more than friends? Who is her boo? 

Is this the same woman?:

 

[StarRockstar222]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Would you like to be more than friends? Who is her boo? 

Is this the same woman?:

 

Maybe I’m trying to know if I should just move on from her for good and stop being her friend. 

Edited December 28, 2023 by StarRockstar222
Words

[Lisa]

@StarRockstar222 and @Down44 are the same member

[Alpacalia]

Do you want to continue being her friend while harboring strong feelings for her. If you don't, that is completely understandable. Do you feel like the friendship is reciprocated at all? If you're feeling drained and emotionally exhausted from constantly trying to support her and be there for her without getting anything back, it's time to move on.

You can let her know that you value your friendship with her, but you also have developed romantic feelings for her and it's becoming difficult for you to continue being just friends.

If she truly cares about you, she will understand and respect your feelings.

I think you need to start laying down boundaries with her. Remember that you are not obligated to always be there for her and take care of her emotional needs. You can still be there for her as a friend, but also make it clear that you have your own life and needs as well.