Why Wouldn't She Let Me Go [UPDATED]

[Alpacalia]

You asked why won't she let you go, well, you're clearly a strong positive influence on her life.

I am sure she is drawn to your kindness and the fact that you are not taking advantage of her like other men have. Especially if you are the first person to treat her with genuine care and respect, that is something she is not willing to let go of.

So, why does she push you away and block you at times? She is going through a tough and confusing time in her life. After all, she has been hurt by men before, so she may be trying to protect herself from getting hurt again. Embarrassing her in front of her friend and saying to her "I nag on her because I see something in her and don’t like the destructive path she is on" can be very hurtful, especially if it is in front of other people.

Your friend is only 20 years old and may not have the maturity or emotional stability to handle this type of relationship in the healthiest way. She may not fully understand her own emotions and feelings, let alone yours. This is an unbalanced dynamic, I hope you're aware of this. She is 20 and you're probably a lot older I'm guessing. That doesn't mean that this dynamic can't work, but it's important to approach this friendship with caution. For yourself, and for her. Asking her to live with you, while it may be a kind gesture, is a bold move. That will blur the lines of friendship and potentially ruin what is already a fragile dynamic. You both need to take things slowly and carefully.

I have seen family members on the verge of homelessness because they can't handle the addictions and their own inner demons. I lost my cousin to an addiction. I helped my Mom and in hindsight, it was the wrong thing to do. She's clean now but she just didn't see the help I offered her as being helpful but as rules and she wasn't going to let me rule her life. Honestly, I was being a bit selfish. I wanted to make myself feel better; my way of holding on to her as I had thought. But as I was making it work around my relative, school and work, yeah I realized so much. Now my sister is in same spot and I have backed away and I'm not making it my problem. It's hard thing to do. I get it, and don't want to hear what I heard on the proverbial death bed what ultimately will be very true, that I was a good daughter and that is all.

People have to make their own choices and learn from them and I am glad you gave her the ticket and didn't take over her life. You are encouraging her dependency on you when you should consider seeking help for her by talking to a counselor or seeing if you can get her into a mission for women. I do understand that you want to help her and that is a great thing, but it may be time to set some boundaries and work on understanding your own feelings and motivations in this situation.

Overall, it seems like you have a genuine concern and care for your friend, but take care of yourself and try not to become too enmeshed in her struggles.

Encourage her to seek help and support.

Edited November 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Down44]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Where is she now? Where is "back home"? 

That was months ago. 

[Down44]

24 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

You asked why won't she let you go, well, you're clearly a strong positive influence on her life.

I am sure she is drawn to your kindness and the fact that you are not taking advantage of her like other men have. Especially if you are the first person to treat her with genuine care and respect, that is something she is not willing to let go of.

So, why does she push you away and block you at times? She is going through a tough and confusing time in her life. After all, she has been hurt by men before, so she may be trying to protect herself from getting hurt again. Embarrassing her in front of her friend and saying to her "I nag on her because I see something in her and don’t like the destructive path she is on" can be very hurtful, especially if it is in front of other people.

Your friend is only 20 years old and may not have the maturity or emotional stability to handle this type of relationship in the healthiest way. She may not fully understand her own emotions and feelings, let alone yours. This is an unbalanced dynamic, I hope you're aware of this. She is 20 and you're probably a lot older I'm guessing. That doesn't mean that this dynamic can't work, but it's important to approach this friendship with caution. For yourself, and for her. Asking her to live with you, while it may be a kind gesture, is a bold move. That will blur the lines of friendship and potentially ruin what is already a fragile dynamic. You both need to take things slowly and carefully.

I have seen family members on the verge of homelessness because they can't handle the addictions and their own inner demons. I lost my cousin to an addiction. I helped my Mom and in hindsight, it was the wrong thing to do. She's clean now but she just didn't see the help I offered her as being helpful but as rules and she wasn't going to let me rule her life. Honestly, I was being a bit selfish. I wanted to make myself feel better; my way of holding on to her as I had thought. But as I was making it work around my relative, school and work, yeah I realized so much. Now my sister is in same spot and I have backed away and I'm not making it my problem. It's hard thing to do. I get it, and don't want to hear what I heard on the proverbial death bed what ultimately will be very true, that I was a good daughter and that is all.

People have to make their own choices and learn from them and I am glad you gave her the ticket and didn't take over her life. You are encouraging her dependency on you when you should consider seeking help for her by talking to a counselor or seeing if you can get her into a mission for women. I do understand that you want to help her and that is a great thing, but it may be time to set some boundaries and work on understanding your own feelings and motivations in this situation.

Overall, it seems like you have a genuine concern and care for your friend, but take care of yourself and try not to become too enmeshed in her struggles.

Encourage her to seek help and support.

Understand 

[Down44]

I have a female friend who sleeps with a lot of men. She is a girl who let other men get with her. I will say she is easy to get. But with me she told me many times I’m her friend. I’m trying to wonder why she do this with me and not the other ones. It not that I want to sleep with her but wondering if she planning something. I asked her once if I was her back up plan and she gave me the most serious stare I’ve ever seen from her. Why does she do this to me for. 

[Alpacalia]

Geeze, you can't just be satisfied with her being your friend? That is not enough for you? People engage in different types of relationships and just because she may have a lot of sexual partners doesn't mean she doesn't value you as a friend. Stop trying to analyze her actions and just accept her for who she is. And if you can't do that, then maybe you shouldn't be friends with her.

Edited November 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Down44]

Just now, Alpacalia said:

Geeze, you can't just be satisfied with her being your friend? That is not enough for you? People engage in different types of relationships and just because she may have a lot of sexual partners doesn't mean she doesn't value you as a friend. Stop trying to analyze her actions and just accept her for who she is. And if you can't do that, then maybe you shouldn't be friends with her.

You back I got it. I’m just very skeptical of people. 

[SurfCity]

Have you ever had a girlfriend? Ever dated someone before? 

[Alpacalia]

12 minutes ago, Down44 said:

You back I got it. I’m just very skeptical of people. 

What is there to be skeptical about? She just views you as a friend.

[Down44]

12 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

Have you ever had a girlfriend? Ever dated someone before? 

Yes I just don’t understand her too much. 

[Down44]

8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

What is there to be skeptical about? She just views you as a friend.

Yeah she told me I was her good friend. I asked her once in the car if she had any good friends. She said only one. I didn’t say anything because I knew she’ll say me. 

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, Down44 said:

Yeah she told me I was her good friend. I asked her once in the car if she had any good friends. She said only one. I didn’t say anything because I knew she’ll say me. 

Okay. Maybe it's time for you to rethink this friendship. Is this the same woman from the other thread?

Edited November 10, 2023 by Alpacalia

[Down44]

7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Okay. Maybe it's time for you to rethink this friendship. Is this the same woman from the other thread?

I respect it. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Down44 said:

I have a female friend who sleeps with a lot of men. She is a girl who let other men get with her. I will say she is easy to get. 

Unfortunately if she is homeless and prostituting for  places to stay, she may expect some sort of payment for sex. 

[Down44]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately if she is homeless and prostituting for  places to stay, she may expect some sort of payment for sex. 

Yes true but I known her for 6 months. I slept in the same bed with her multiple times. She told me once we are friends. She told me I’m one of her good friends. She said in front of her friend that I see you has a lifelong friend. I was shocked she said that in front of her friend. She confessed to me she regretted picking her ex over me(friend). Whole incident that is so complicated. She said she would never do it again. So many things I didn’t say here. Her boo also told me her friends argued about me and she fought for me. He told me all this. He wanted me to hear the conversation but I didn’t pick up my phone. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Down44 said:

But with me she told me many times I’m her friend. I’m trying to wonder why she do this with me and not the other ones. It not that I want to sleep with her 

She sees you as a friend because you don't try and sleep with her.   I'm also wondering about the age difference between the two of you and if that can be part of the story.

[Down44]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

She sees you as a friend because you don't try and sleep with her.   I'm also wondering about the age difference between the two of you and if that can be part of the story.

She is 20 and I’m 25

[basil67]

OK, let's start at the beginning.  At present, all your questions are about you trying to figure her out...but we can only guess.  But what do YOU want to happen?  It's very unclear.  

[Down44]

8 minutes ago, basil67 said:

OK, let's start at the beginning.  At present, all your questions are about you trying to figure her out...but we can only guess.  But what do YOU want to happen?  It's very unclear.  

Yes I was trying to figure her out. I want her to know I care about her and love her. I want her to know when everyone gives up on her/every man leaves her I will always be there for her. I told multiple times. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, Down44 said:

 I want her to know when everyone gives up on her/every man leaves her I will always be there for her. 

Is she still staying with and sleeping with men in order to have a place to stay? As long as she is homeless and prostituting for a place to stay, there's not much you can do. 

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, Down44 said:

Yes I was trying to figure her out. I want her to know I care about her and love her. I want her to know when everyone gives up on her/every man leaves her I will always be there for her. I told multiple times. 

But what do YOU want?   Would you like her to be your girlfriend or are you happy with her as a friend?    And if you will always be there for her, why are you asking why she won't let you go?

 

[Down44]

9 minutes ago, basil67 said:

But what do YOU want?   Would you like her to be your girlfriend or are you happy with her as a friend?    And if you will always be there for her, why are you asking why she won't let you go?

 

Be her friend because it’ll last longer. Yes I’m there for her but was just wondering why she won’t let me go. Wondering if she has a positive or negative agenda behind it. 

Edited November 10, 2023 by Down44

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, Down44 said:

Be her friend because it’ll last longer. Yes I’m there for her but was just wondering why she won’t let me go. Wondering if he has a positive or negative agenda behind it. 

You're her friend because it will last longer.  Does this mean that you have no romantic interest?

And if you don't want to stop being her friend, why are you asking why she "won't let you go"?  You are with her of your own free will.   

What makes you think she may have a negative agenda?  

I also read that you paid for her to go home.  Does this mean you don't see her anymore?

Edited November 10, 2023 by basil67

[Down44]

11 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You're her friend because it will last longer.  Does this mean that you have no romantic interest?

And if you don't want to stop being her friend, why are you asking why she "won't let you go"?  You are with her of your own free will.   

What makes you think she may have a negative agenda?  

I also read that you paid for her to go home.  Does this mean you don't see her anymore?

I do see her. That was 6 months ago when that happened. 

[basil67]

18 minutes ago, Down44 said:

I do see her. That was 6 months ago when that happened. 

OK, gotcha.  What about my other questions?  

[Wiseman2]

39 minutes ago, Down44 said:

Be her friend because it’ll last longer. Yes I’m there for her but was just wondering why she won’t let me go. Wondering if she has a positive or negative agenda behind it. 

Do you want her to "let you go".  What exactly do you mean by that? You seem to be chasing her and wanting her even though she sleeps with other men in exchange for a place to stay. 

What exactly would you like to see happening between you two?  Would you like a romantic relationship or friendship or something else?