My boyfriend didn't invite me out when he went with his friends

[Yellowrose91]

I think this may just be my first reaction and I’m not thinking straight. But there was this venue that my boyfriend and I discovered. It had live entertainment and a great vibe. It felt like ‘our’ place. It even had a belly dancer on certain days and I love watching them.

This morning I woke up to a message from him telling me he’d been to this venue with his friends, seen the belly dancer. I know it sounds silly but I feel upset, like I thought he would at least invite me. I haven’t meant his friends before. Am I being silly? This may just be my gut reaction, I may be just overreacting 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Yellowrose91 said:

This morning I woke up to a message from him telling me he’d been to this venue with his friends, seen the belly dancer. 

He seems to like the venue. How old is he? How long have you been dating? Does he go out without you often? 

[Gaeta]

Your bf is allowed to his time with his friends once in a while without you tagging along. Unless he often prioritizes his friends over you? And that's why it makes you feel bad?

[Lotsgoingon]

Probably would have been better for bf to tell you ahead of time he was heading out with friends. But he and the friends might not have known where they were going and bf may have made a last-minute suggestion for this particular venue. And he likely told the friends that you and he really enjoy this place. 

Gaeta's questions are the ones you need to answer. Were you feeling unsure/uncertain in the relationship before this happened? 

You can gently say that you thought this venue was special to you guys and that you feel a little bummed to learn it's no longer just your place. You share it with the view that this is your reaction, not that he did anything wrong. 

But again, start with the fundamentals. Are you feeling really connected to bf and prioritized and appreciated?

[smackie9]

Is this the same guy from your post back in October? Everyone was questioning you why you were still dating him.

IMO I wouldn't date someone that wasn't into me being a part of his life, sharing his life or not eager to introduce me to his friends. Obviously he doesn't think you are all that special to him. Sounds like he's just dating....you know see what's next. Your picker is off.

Edited November 11, 2023 by smackie9

[glows]

I would have clapped back and said something like “if I didn’t get an invite at least show me photos - how rude”. Add laughing emoji. And that’s playful sarcasm not meant with any malice at all. I don’t think it’s a bad thing he went out with his friends to this place and he DID think of you.

In some part of the belly wiggles and bromance (assuming they were all guys) they had that evening he decided to tell you they landed up there. Let him tell you all about it and enjoy the next time you’re there together. 

[GeorgiaPeach1]

You having never met his friends before is suspect. It can mean he isn't sure about you yet, or he doesn't see things being long-term. In some cases, there can be another girl in the picture that he's already introduced them to. Do these friends live in the same city as you and your boyfriend? If not, that could also be a factor.

[ShyViolet]

The fact that you haven't met his friends before suggests that this must be a pretty new relationship.  Maybe he isn't ready to introduce you to his friends yet.  Just how long have you been dating this guy?

I do think you are overreacting and being too clingy.  It's insecure and controlling to act like he isn't allowed to hang out with his friends without you.

[stillafool]

On 11/11/2023 at 4:48 AM, Yellowrose91 said:

I think this may just be my first reaction and I’m not thinking straight. But there was this venue that my boyfriend and I discovered.

When you say "discovered" do you mean the two of you actually went there or just saw the place and discussed going there?  Either way, he's allowed to go out with his friends but maybe could have waited for you to try out the new place; that is unless they suggested it and he had no choice.

[Wiseman2]

On 11/11/2023 at 4:48 AM, Yellowrose91 said:

This morning I woke up to a message from him telling me he’d been to this venue with his friends, seen the belly dancer.  I thought he would at least invite me. I haven’t meant his friends before. 

How often do you two go out together and do things as a couple?  Is it strange the venue you recommended/went to is the one he went to with his friends? 

Are you concerned that you're a secret/haven't met his friends? Or that he went out with friends or that he may be taking out or meeting other women and that's why you weren't invited? 

Is this the same man?

 

[d0nnivain]

I can see myself being hurt that a new BF took buddies to "our" spot without me.  The location would bother me more than a new BF out with friends.  Everybody had a life before you started dating. 

You should mention it to him.  Be soft in your approach but tell him how you felt.  Something along the lines of "I was feeling a bit left out when you said you took your friends to [location] without me. I kind of thought of that place as 'our' spot.  I'm glad you had fun but - - - " and then kindof shrug in a self deprecating way.   Guage his reaction to your confession.