Is she testing me?

[ikonik]

3 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Do you work together? How do you know her in real life? Do you still see each other? 

running team

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, ikonik said:

running team

Why not ask her out in person rather than sliding into DMs? 

[ikonik]

18 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not ask her out in person rather than sliding into DMs? 

because she trains with a more advanced group that has different schedules than mine so that's the only way I can talk to her.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, ikonik said:

because she trains with a more advanced group that has different schedules than mine so that's the only way I can talk to her.

I think she's being pleasant by responding to you, but it really doesn't look like she has any romantic interest.   

What do the two of you talk about?

[Gaeta]

You know, maybe you're not her type of man and she uses the age difference to give you a gentle rejection. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, ikonik said:

because she trains with a more advanced group that has different schedules than mine so that's the only way I can talk to her.

Ok. Well you tried and except for friendly banter she doesn't seem interested in more. 

[SurfCity]

On 11/12/2023 at 3:04 PM, ikonik said:

she even jokingly asked me i was going to ask her for dinner, it was on her birthday so i let it go.

No woman says when are you going to ask me out to a guy she's not interested in. That was her giving you the green light. 

Edited November 14, 2023 by SurfCity

[Alpacalia]

12 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

No woman says when are you going to ask me out to a guy she's not interested in. That was her giving you the green light. 

That's true, OP, it seems like there was an opportunity there to ask her out here. 

Perhaps It might have been helpful to propose arranging a call the next couple of days to discuss and plan something together.

Edited November 14, 2023 by Alpacalia

[ikonik]

15 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

No woman says when are you going to ask me out to a guy she's not interested in. That was her giving you the green light. 

that's what i was thinking in the back of my mind, until she said she was joking...

[SurfCity]

1 hour ago, ikonik said:

that's what i was thinking in the back of my mind, until she said she was joking...

She said she was joking to save face. She opened the door and you didn't go through, so she said she was joking so that she didn't look foolish. 

[ikonik]

2 hours ago, SurfCity said:

She said she was joking to save face. She opened the door and you didn't go through, so she said she was joking so that she didn't look foolish. 

i mean i did, that's how i know she was joking. at first i played it cool and it didn't really say yes because i was kind of shocked she asked that and it didn't seem like her to ask that.  then i just gave in and said 'sorry i have something early that next day but we can do it another day.." then she says 'lmao i was joking....'

Edited November 14, 2023 by ikonik

[MsJayne]

Is she testing you? No, but I imagine you're testing her patience. Either ask her out properly so that she has to give a definitive answer, or move on. 

[SurfCity]

12 hours ago, ikonik said:

i mean i did, that's how i know she was joking. at first i played it cool and it didn't really say yes because i was kind of shocked she asked that and it didn't seem like her to ask that.  then i just gave in and said 'sorry i have something early that next day but we can do it another day.." then she says 'lmao i was joking....'

She basically asked you out first and you said no, then she said she was joking to cover up her embarrassment. Then you asked her out and she brings up age to make sure that you understand that she's older than you. You never directly tell her your age so she probably thinks you're 28-ish which would be too young for her. 

If you want to date her, just ask her out. If she says anything about age, don't make a big deal about it, just tell her your exact age and then ask if she wants to get sushi or Thai food on the date. If she says no, it's not the end of the world. If she says yes, you'll have a fun date.

 

[ikonik]

5 hours ago, SurfCity said:

She basically asked you out first and you said no, then she said she was joking to cover up her embarrassment. Then you asked her out and she brings up age to make sure that you understand that she's older than you. You never directly tell her your age so she probably thinks you're 28-ish which would be too young for her. 

If you want to date her, just ask her out. If she says anything about age, don't make a big deal about it, just tell her your exact age and then ask if she wants to get sushi or Thai food on the date. If she says no, it's not the end of the world. If she says yes, you'll have a fun date.

 

so do i still have a chance?  i feel like it's pretty much the end of the line with her. i told her my age a few days ago and she told me hers. i said i didn't have issue with the age gap and will respect her decision if she did but i got no response after that.

Edited November 15, 2023 by ikonik

[Wiseman2]

1 minute ago, ikonik said:

 but i got no response after that.

Why not stay running club pals and enjoy the occasional banter? If she were interested, you would know, not wonder why she ghosted after you suggested a date. 

[ikonik]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not stay running club pals and enjoy the occasional banter? If she were interested, you would know, not wonder why she ghosted after you suggested a date. 

i could but it's rare when i see her

[FredEire]

On 11/12/2023 at 11:04 PM, ikonik said:

I met this girl a few months ago and I slid into her dm's. i responded to one of her stories that said "best friend in the world something something" I don't remember the rest, I responded "Thanks" jokingly. but she got the hint  and asked did I know how old she was, I said no, she said my mohter's age, I respond with a gif saying age ain't nothing but a number, she sent laughing emoji. that convo pretty much ended there, but I why I kept talking to her, I thought she might've been interested, because in one of her IG stories  she said "I thought I nabbed thor but when he shaves he looks like peewee herman." I'm 99% sure it was referring to m rsince that describes me. for this reason i was sure she was interested.

I kept dm'ing her hoping to keep things alive until we were able to hang.  at one point she even jokingly asked me i was going to ask her for dinner, it was on her birthday so i let it go. any other time it would be [messed] up thing to do. today i asked her out, and she pretty much responded with the same ' do u even know how old i am' the convo was pretty much word for word. but i think i'm going to stop talking to her since, there doesn't anywhere for me to go at this point. sorry for the long read, my question is is she playing games or am i reading into it too much?

Speaking as someone who went out with a girl who was seven years older than me but lied about her age for 4 months, I'd say if she was interested in dating she'd play the age gap down rather than play it up 😂 Hard to tell just from some DMs though.

[SurfCity]

7 hours ago, ikonik said:

so do i still have a chance?  i feel like it's pretty much the end of the line with her. i told her my age a few days ago and she told me hers. i said i didn't have issue with the age gap and will respect her decision if she did but i got no response after that.

The only person who knows if you still have a chance with her is her. The only way for you to find out if she wants to date you is to ask her out. 

If you're too scared to ask for a date, then just drop the whole thing. You're building this up in your mind to be much bigger than it actually is. It's just one date, it's not life or death. 

[basil67]

9 hours ago, ikonik said:

so do i still have a chance?  i feel like it's pretty much the end of the line with her. i told her my age a few days ago and she told me hers. i said i didn't have issue with the age gap and will respect her decision if she did but i got no response after that.

No response is a response.  It means she's not interested in dating you or even in talking further with you.  To save your dignity, best not to message her again

Edited November 15, 2023 by basil67

[Gaeta]

Well, first time my boyfriend contacted me l turned him down because he was 8 years younger and l felt he could not be serious and l assumed that without a real conversation with him because so far my experience with younger men had been a waste of time.

He contacted me again 6 months later and then l decided l would at least have a real conversation with him, hear him out, get to know what he's about, etc. We met for a first time and we spoke for 3 hours. I discovered a man that was smart, articulate, lots of emotional maturity, he made me feel like l was interesting and he was genuinely curious about my life. 

This woman is older so she has seen it all and she doubts a younger man will surpass what a man her age could offer her. I am not talking about material here but what you could offer in terms of maturity, emotional support, reliability, longivity. One day she'll be 50, 55, 60, will you still be there proud to be holding her hand. 

Younger men tend to live in the moment, she's attractive now so 10 years older is nothing. Women mostly think long term.

So, if you are interested in her l feel you need to impress her. Your first step would be to pick up the phone and call her and invite her out. Drop the social media, that's for younger women. Women in their 40s are used to men calling. That bar is high remember, she is used to dating older men that are confident, pro-active, that call & pay for the date.

Edited November 16, 2023 by Gaeta

[glows]

It’s so awkward, OP. This woman didn’t even respond to you after you asked her out. She talked about ages but you didn’t respond to her age comment deflecting your q from what I’m understanding.

I’m also wondering if you’ve thought about the running teams and general community/neighbourhood? People talk and likely she knows her team. I personally don’t see anything so strange about a mid 30s person dating someone in their 50s. But to do so across running teams? Her family also goes to any races or marathons etc and would see you. She may have children your age. Do you know? If I missed a post with details about her on this please let me know.

I don’t think it’s personal if she hasn’t taken you seriously. You can throw caution to the wind and ask her out on a proper date, give her a call and see where it takes you but I have a strong feeling she’s not going to answer or be as receptive. You have nothing to lose except your reputation in the running community if they’re that bad through gossip or if she has a motor mouth. This is at your discretion. Would I if I were in your shoes? No. I’d rather remain a respectful distance after the last conversation and be mindful to date outside of these circles. If things go sour would it affect your running sport? Things to ponder.

Edited November 16, 2023 by glows

[Alpacalia]

On 11/14/2023 at 12:19 PM, ikonik said:

i mean i did, that's how i know she was joking. at first i played it cool and it didn't really say yes because i was kind of shocked she asked that and it didn't seem like her to ask that.  then i just gave in and said 'sorry i have something early that next day but we can do it another day.." then she says 'lmao i was joking....'

Eek! Why the need to play it cool? Don't hurt your own chances out there. "we can do it another day" is *so* non-descript and casual, *no* real follow-through.

[ikonik]

i get the feeling i should stop pursuing.

[d0nnivain]

It's not looking good but as a last ditch effort why not ask if you can go for a run.  That's not a date / date but it's a real world safe, low key, interaction around a shared pastime.  Since she's in a more advanced group ask about nutrition & training.  Use this in person time to get a true sense of whether there is anything worth pursuing.  Even if it doesn't work out romantically you will still have learned something & gotten a run in.  N.B.  If she won't go running with you, give up. 

[Gaeta]

On 11/16/2023 at 7:45 AM, ikonik said:

i get the feeling i should stop pursuing.

Then listen to your gut feeling. 

She did not give you the green light you needed to go forward. 

I think you 2 are from 2 different world. You are younger and maybe not much experience is reading women? and she is older and expecting a different approach. 

She may TRULY not interested in dating a younger man. Why is it so hard for you to accept?