Is my ex- girlfriend in a rebound relationship?

[Andas]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's good. Please stay no contact and leave her and her BF alone.

If you want to convince yourself she's making a mistake and she'll regret it and come back to you that's ok. It's a common, albeit unhealthy way to assuage your ego during a breakup.

You seem to be trying to prove to yourself and anyone who will listen that it's not really over, you're better than her BF and she'll be back. 

As long as you're not contacting her or harassing her, you can believe whatever you want to believe to make yourself feel better and get through it. 

Well if you have read what i answered to other peoples questions. You would realize that i am not guaranteeing anything. What she have told me, she told the same exact thing in the past, several times only to come to the same conclusions. Im not soothing my ego, i hear what other people say, regarding this situation. And i accept that nobody knows how will it unfold.

As i have stated before, i wanted to hear opinions whether it is a rebound, because i know that other people have more experience than me.

[Andas]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what about this? 

I workout, read books, try to meet my friends, go to places where we been together, alone to deal with all the feelings, go for a walk and so on. 
And i have motivation, to not do the same mistake like she did, to get with someone when you are not over the last person.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, Andas said:

I workout, read books, try to meet my friends, go to places where we been together, alone to deal with all the feelings, go for a walk and so on

Good. Concentrate more on this, and a lot less on her. 

 

[Alpacalia]

You're way too emotionally invested in this. She's not your friend, she's someone with whom you have entered a 3 way love triangle.

There's someone you are attempting to beat for her affections. You're not doing this for her, you're doing this for you. That sense of agony you feel when you think about her with someone else is false. It's a reaction to losing something that you think you deserve. If she were truly your friend, you'd wish her all the happiness in the world, including in her new relationship. But no, you're telling yourself that she is 'hurting'.

She may or may not be hurting. You don't know. You only know the things you tell yourself again and again and again.

You're also upset that she is telling you things she is not telling her boyfriend. Why should she tell him? She's cheating on him with you. I wouldn't tell him anything more, either. You can't trust her. You need to find a way to move on. It's not going to be easy. But it is going to be something you have to do. You're behaving like this because you thought you had some claim on her and therefore deserve her.

I know you're feeling a bit of despondency because she's clearly losing interest in you. You're concerned that you've now become the third leg on a 3-legged stool. And that's unfortunate.

But this cannot be the woman for you. Cut the cord. Be alone/shake the rust, or move on to someone who is genuinely interested in you.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Andas said:

i accept that nobody knows how will it unfold., i wanted to hear opinions whether it is a rebound, 

It unfolds the way you make it unfold, meaning hanging on watching and waiting or moving on.

It seems you would like to think "rebound" is synonymous with "temporary" and you hope she will come back to you. 

However whether it's a rebound relationship or not doesn't really determine if she wants to reconcile .

[Andas]

5 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

You're way too emotionally invested in this. She's not your friend, she's someone with whom you have entered a 3 way love triangle.

There's someone you are attempting to beat for her affections. You're not doing this for her, you're doing this for you. That sense of agony you feel when you think about her with someone else is false. It's a reaction to losing something that you think you deserve. If she were truly your friend, you'd wish her all the happiness in the world, including in her new relationship. But no, you're telling yourself that she is 'hurting'.

She may or may not be hurting. You don't know. You only know the things you tell yourself again and again and again.

You're also upset that she is telling you things she is not telling her boyfriend. Why should she tell him? She's cheating on him with you. I wouldn't tell him anything more, either. You can't trust her. You need to find a way to move on. It's not going to be easy. But it is going to be something you have to do. You're behaving like this because you thought you had some claim on her and therefore deserve her.

I know you're feeling a bit of despondency because she's clearly losing interest in you. You're concerned that you've now become the third leg on a 3-legged stool. And that's unfortunate.

But this cannot be the woman for you. Cut the cord. Be alone/shake the rust, or move on to someone who is genuinely interested in you.

I am writing everything here, based upon what was told, what the reactions were, and what has transpired during past 3 months altogether. 

[semble]

11 hours ago, Andas said:

  You cant get over somebody by going under somebody. 

In my experience I find the strategy to be quite effective. And saves a boatload on hand lotion.

 

[Andas]

Just now, semble said:

Not true. Dumpers get into rebound relationships very often as well, for the same reasons the dumpee does.

 

That is why i created this post. My ex started to hurt when she was left alone for a month.

[semble]

15 hours ago, Andas said:

While they are together, it is useless to do something right now.  

Most likely she's not done with you. You could play this right and win her back. Of course it won't be a "relationship" not in the typical sense. Best case scenario you put on a mask and play the independent and aloof game, she sees the apparent change and she's reattracted to you and sticks around a while. But the whole thing is nothing more than a manipulative game. But hey it sounds like it's better than what you've got right now.

 

[Andas]

1 minute ago, semble said:

In my experience I find the strategy to be quite effective. And saves a boatload on hand lotion.

 

I know many people that did this. Yes even rebounds can last longer than 3-6 months, but at the end of that relationship you still have to deal with two breakups. I had a friend who started hurting because of his last ex after 2 years of another relationship.

[Andas]

1 minute ago, semble said:

Most likely she's not done with you. You could play this right and win her back. Of course it won't be a "relationship" not in the typical sense. Best case scenario you put on a mask and play the independent and aloof game, she sees the apparent change and she's reattracted to you and sticks around a while. But the whole thing is nothing more than a manipulative game. But hey it sounds like it's better than what you've got right now.

 

Believe me, i don’t want to interfere, i had enough of her games. And interfering and putting on a “mask” that is not me. Not the right way anyway.
As to if she is done, well she seemed distressed when we met, hurt too.

If i remember correctly she almost cried.

 

  

[Andas]

4 minutes ago, Andas said:

I know many people that did this. Yes even rebounds can last longer than 3-6 months, but at the end of that relationship you still have to deal with two breakups. I had a friend who started hurting because of his last ex after 2 years of another relationship.

In other words short term gain, long term pain.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Andas said:

. Yes even rebounds can last longer than 3-6 months.

Ok, say she's in a rebound relationship.  Are you going to wait around? When you are ready get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. At the very least it will help you move forward and may help with the obsession that her relationship is temporary ergo she's coming back. 

[Andas]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, say she's in a rebound relationship.  Are you going to wait around? When you are ready get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women. At the very least it will help you move forward and may help with the obsession that her relationship is temporary ergo she's coming back. 

Please read what i wrote before.

[semble]

3 hours ago, Andas said:

 even rebounds can last longer than 3-6 months, but at the end of that relationship you still have to deal with two breakups.

Not all rebound relationships fail.

 

[assertives]

On 11/20/2023 at 9:20 AM, semble said:

Not all rebound relationships fail.

 

This. Some rebound relationships end in a pretty happy marriage with 2 kids. I often see how alot of rebounds get alot of negative reputation online (mostly) but personally, I've had quite a few ex classmates whose spouse was their rebound all those years ago and they are still together. We are all now in our fourties, so it's been 20 years.

Edited November 28, 2023 by assertives

[Andas]

2 hours ago, assertives said:

This. Some rebound relationships end in a pretty happy marriage with 2 kids. I often see how alot of rebounds get alot of negative reputation online (mostly) but personally, I've had quite a few ex classmates whose spouse was their rebound all those years ago and they are still together. We are all now in our fourties, so it's been 20 years.

Yes i’ve read, that if the dumper emotionally checked out of previous relationship or started healing during the relationship, before leaving, then yes everything is possible. But in my case, after everything that happened, it seems very unlikely that anything serious will come out of my ex’s new “relationship”. Bouncing back and forth between me and him. Lying, hiding the truth,  as someone on this topic said cheating on him etc. She clearly overestimated, her ability to heal, lose feelings for me, process the breakup, even thou she did not have time to process these 3 years and learn from mistakes and lastly she overestimates her ability overall to pull this thing of. As she is clearly emotionally and mentally unstable and that will not change unless she decides to stay alone, and finally mature. Nevertheless i took advice from people who wrote on this topic. I deleted her from everywhere, chose to say “good luck  creating a happy relationship with the mess you are and the mess you bringing to next relationship”.

I completely removed myself from this situation, and i am trying my best to heal, and move on. 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Andas said:

Yes i’ve read, that if the dumper emotionally checked out of previous relationship or started healing during the relationship, before leaving, then yes everything is possible. But in my case, after everything that happened, it seems very unlikely that anything serious will come out of my ex’s new “relationship”. Bouncing back and forth between me and him. Lying, hiding the truth,  as someone on this topic said cheating on him etc. She clearly overestimated, her ability to heal, lose feelings for me, process the breakup, even thou she did not have time to process these 3 years and learn from mistakes and lastly she overestimates her ability overall to pull this thing of. As she is clearly emotionally and mentally unstable and that will not change unless she decides to stay alone, and finally mature. Nevertheless i took advice from people who wrote on this topic. I deleted her from everywhere, chose to say “good luck  creating a happy relationship with the mess you are and the mess you bringing to next relationship”.

I completely removed myself from this situation, and i am trying my best to heal, and move on. 

It's great that you've realized what goes into being involved in a messy situation like this, the constant lies and manipulation ️needed to fuel the dynamic in order for it to continue, and it sounds like this is not something that you want or would feel comfortable participating in. Good on you for saying no to it.

[Andas]

8 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

It's great that you've realized what goes into being involved in a messy situation like this, the constant lies and manipulation ️needed to fuel the dynamic in order for it to continue, and it sounds like this is not something that you want or would feel comfortable participating in. Good on you for saying no to it.

It is not easy for me, but i am doing my homework, learning from mistakes that i have made. I chose the hard way to deal with everything that has happened and with those 3 years with her. While she chose the easy way and easy ways leads to corresponding results. As i've stated before she overestimates her abilities to pull this one off. I love the quote that perfectly describes what she is doing “Short term gains consequently leads to long term pain”.

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, Andas said:

she overestimates her abilities to pull this one off.

Maybe, but it doesn't really matter anymore. What she does or doesn't do with her new boyfriend (or future boyfriends) isn't for you to concern yourself with. 

I will repeat: keep the focus on yourself and your healing. Stop trying to draw comparisons between you and her. A year from now she is likely to be nothing but a closed chapter in your life, which will be better for you in the long run. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Andas said:

I deleted her from everywhere, chose to say “good luck  creating a happy relationship with the mess you are and the mess you bringing to next relationship”.I completely removed myself from this situation, and i am trying my best to heal, and move on. 

Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. It's fine you told her off, if it gets it off your chest and gives you closure.

[Andas]

6 hours ago, Andas said:

It is not easy for me, but i am doing my homework, learning from mistakes that i have made. I chose the hard way to deal with everything that has happened and with those 3 years with her.

I took your advice

[Andas]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you have deleted and blocked her and all her people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. It's fine you told her off, if it gets it off your chest and gives you closure.

No, what i said in quotation marks, they were my thoughts. I did not block her, i just deleted her and her friends from insta, facebook, snap and every other platform. 
On 10th of November she did send me something on snap, but deleted it.

funny several days ago she wished my mom happy birthday:Dd

So there is no point even to block her, because she will find the way to somehow send a message through the people close to me, my friends, people that we just know or other ways. So if she will try to contact me again, i would rather deal with it personally. 

[Alpacalia]

On 11/28/2023 at 12:35 PM, Andas said:

I took your advice

Yay! How are you doing since you've stopped contact? 

[Andas]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

Yay! How are you doing since you've stopped contact? 

I’ve been no contact for 38 days know, when i posted my story i miscalculated the days since we met with her. As to how i am doing, better, trying my best to concentrate on studies, working out and other things. Of course there a days, when it gets hard, when i miss her, or i start overthinking again, whether it is a rebound or not. Nevertheless, step by step i am getting better.