I have a massive crush on him but not sure where I stand with him!

[cocoa342]

Hi everyone,

I am in need of some serious advice. Sorry in advance if this is long.

I have a massive crush on a guy I know for the last 4 years. I know him through his work. I am a business owner and the business he works for provides a service to my business.

For the first 3 out of 4 years he was coming to my business (usually 1 to 2 times a week) he hardly spoke to me. Would just drop off what he needed and took off. No hello, no goodbye - nothing. Other people in my business would always call him Mr Miserable lol but I always had a secret crush on him lol I find him very attractive.

About a year ago he started behaving slightly different and asking me how I am and telling me to have a good day/weekend etc. It was a positive change and I thought he wanted to get to know me. So I stared chatting to him a little more too - I even asked his name and he was happy to tell me what his name is. I play a little game with him and always rush to open the door for him before he has a chance to ring the buzzer and we always joke about that. One time he even parked in a different spot so I couldn't see him coming to the door and I said to him 'you tricked me, your parked somewhere different' and he said 'I have to change things up so they don't get boring' Yet he never crosses the line or flirts or does anything more.

I don't know if he's interested but worried to say/do anything as he is employed by the business who provides a service to my business.

So a couple of months ago I gave him a box of chocolates with a note thanking him for the work he does and I signed off with "Love (my name) xx" and I added at the end of the note to add me to Facebook and wrote my full name. I was hoping this would give him a chance to add me online/get talking to me etc.

He never added me to Facebook and never mentioned anything about the note. The next time he came around he thanked me for the chocolates and said he had shared them with his work colleagues. I just said 'oh that's great'

I've noticed if I try to talk to him, he'll stop and talk. I try to make small talk about the weather etc and he'll stop and chat but if I don't he won't initiate any conversation outside of 'how are you?/enjoy your day/weekend etc'

What are your thoughts on this guy? Is he possibly interested but not wanting to make a move because he's worried I might not be interested and it could cause issues in his job or is he just not interested?

A male friend of mine told me the note was nothing specific to give him an indication I like him. It was just letting him know I'm grateful/appreciative of the work he does. But I thought signing off with "Love (my name) xx" and asking him to add me to Facebook would've given him the hint I want to talk/get to know him.

I'm thinking for Christmas to give him a card and write in it "I have a crush on you" with my phone number and see what he does with that.

Any thoughts, ideas and suggestions please?

I am 39 (female) and he is (I'm guessing) mid 30's (male.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, cocoa342 said:

I added at the end of the note to add me to Facebook and wrote my full name. I was hoping this would give him a chance to add me online/get talking to me etc.

He never added me to Facebook and never mentioned anything about the note. I'm thinking for Christmas to give him a card and write in it "I have a crush on you" with my phone number and see what he does with that.

It's possible he's in a relationship, doesn't mix business with social life/dating or just isn't interested.

I disagree with your friend. You were quite forward and he gracefully side stepped things. 

Please do not use a Christmas greeting to tell him you have a crush or slip him your number. He knows how to get in touch with you and he specifically didn't connect on social media. Please enjoy the friendship and don't put him in such an awkward position. 

Please consider getting a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting men. 

[d0nnivain]

Oh heavens.  

Flirting is about being subtle but it can also be bold but if you are going to be bold there are still limits.  A chocolate gift signed "love" was cringeworthy.  Over the top out of bounds things like that push people away because they violate social norms.   The only thing you can do that is worse than what you have already screwed up,  is give him a card saying you have a crush on him.  Good grief.  This is not 5th grade.  

I'll give you an example of a flirtatious bold move that worked.  I was at a singles event chatting with a guy. We were actually talking about business.  He needed the type of services my company provided.  I had another engagement & had to leave.  I handed him my business card & told him to call me because I'd be happy to fix his problem.  But before I let go of the card I winked & said I'd be "happier if he called me for personal rather than professional reasons." 

At this point you have to conclude that he's not interested.  

I'll take pity on you & give you one hail mary.  Figure out something you are doing with co workers or friends in the area of your work for the holidays.  About a week before when you are talking to this guy mention to him that you will be at [xyz location / place] on [date / day of the week] at [time] & say you'd love to buy him a holiday drink if he'd like to show up with his SO.  

If he shows up, great.  If he doesn't or if he declines give up & never mention it again. You will have to let go of the crush because he is not interested & if you continue to push you cross into sexual harassment / stalker territory.  

[smackie9]

It's quite possible he is intimidated by you....him being a worker/delivery guy, you a business owner. In his head he's probably saying "this wouldn't work." He hasn't taken the bait, so it's game over.