Drunk on first date

[Candy101]

I went on a first date with a guy from a dating app who I didn’t speak to much before meeting in person. He said he was only looking for something short term as he has other priorities he wants to meet before anything long term. I am currently happy with something short term. He suggested dinner and drinks and it’s been a really long time (I.e. years) since I went on a date (especially a dinner date) - since I’ve been in a long term relationship and I’m finally starting dating again.

I had low expectations but he far surpassed them. He was very attractive and intelligent and the date went well in my mind - we continued to have dessert. I ended up having a lot of drinks, probably due to nerves, and ended up very drunk by the end of the night. I don’t remember very well but I think I said goodbye after the meal quite abruptly and just left (despite him offering to give me a lift home). 
 

He didn’t text me so I thought in case it came across that I didn’t like him, I texted him the next day thanking him for the date, saying sorry I was quite drunk at the end and wishing him a good weekend. He responded with also saying it was good to meet and have a good weekend. To be forward — I  said I found him attractive and It’d be good to meet again. 

I haven’t heard back in a few hours but I’m afraid I ruined it with getting too drunk or maybe he just didn’t want to meet again and that’s why he didn’t suggest it himself. 

I’m cringing over how I left the date and also my precious message maybe being too forward. Would appreciate any thoughts! 

[FredEire]

18 hours ago, Candy101 said:

I went on a first date with a guy from a dating app who I didn’t speak to much before meeting in person. He said he was only looking for something short term as he has other priorities he wants to meet before anything long term. I am currently happy with something short term. He suggested dinner and drinks and it’s been a really long time (I.e. years) since I went on a date (especially a dinner date) - since I’ve been in a long term relationship and I’m finally starting dating again.

I had low expectations but he far surpassed them. He was very attractive and intelligent and the date went well in my mind - we continued to have dessert. I ended up having a lot of drinks, probably due to nerves, and ended up very drunk by the end of the night. I don’t remember very well but I think I said goodbye after the meal quite abruptly and just left (despite him offering to give me a lift home). 
 

He didn’t text me so I thought in case it came across that I didn’t like him, I texted him the next day thanking him for the date, saying sorry I was quite drunk at the end and wishing him a good weekend. He responded with also saying it was good to meet and have a good weekend. To be forward — I  said I found him attractive and It’d be good to meet again. 

I haven’t heard back in a few hours but I’m afraid I ruined it with getting too drunk or maybe he just didn’t want to meet again and that’s why he didn’t suggest it himself. 

I’m cringing over how I left the date and also my precious message maybe being too forward. Would appreciate any thoughts! 

If he was also enjoying the drinks and having a good time I wouldn't say that's the issue. His response that he liked meeting you and to have a good weekend does sound like he'd prefer to leave it there,.it may just be a case that he got on well with you and enjoyed the night but didn't feel the same attraction or didn't really see it going anywhere, which would have nothing to do with the drinks.

Doesn't sound like you did anything wrong to me, maybe just one of those things. You do have to be careful though with drink in general, can easily turn a good night into a nightmare.

[ZA Dater]

Its a very difficult situation to walk back from, all you can do is suggest a coffee date and see if he accepts that. I think its quite possible to have a second chance with him.

[basil67]

19 hours ago, Candy101 said:

I said goodbye after the meal quite abruptly and just left (despite him offering to give me a lift home). 

If he was also drinking a lot, he'd be fine with it.  But as he offered you a lift home, it sounds like he was driving....and therefore sober.  I suspect he will write this off as a 'no go'. 

There's really not much you can do except forgive yourself and learn from it, so that you don't make the same mistake with the next guy you meet.  Also, don't be embarrassed about saying you'd like to see a guy again.  If the guy is interested, it's the green light he is looking for.  If they he's not interested, it won't matter anyway.  Nothing ventured - nothing gained.

[Wiseman2]

19 hours ago, Candy101 said:

 He said he was only looking for something short term. I  haven’t heard back in a few hours but I’m afraid I ruined it with getting too drunk or maybe he just didn’t want to meet again and that’s why he didn’t suggest it himself. 

It's good you contacted him and thanked him for the nice time and apologized for getting drunk. 

Since all he is looking for is hookups, try not to get too invested. If you are interested in "short term", all you can do is see if he gets back to you and asks you out again. 

 

[MsJayne]

Eek! 😬 Smashed on the first date 😔. This isn't what you want to hear, but for many people this is an instant deal breaker, and I'm feeling this guy is one of those people. My thoughts are that you maybe need to work on feeling comfortable in social situations so that you don't forget yourself and get plastered because of nerves and awkward feelings. I say put this down to experience, and  maybe consider a no-drinking-on-first-dates rule.    

[Alpacalia]

I wouldn't worry about it. He is looking for short term. That means he's just looking for physical/for fun/emotional intimacy. That's a ton easier usually. All you have to do is show interest, and be receptive to getting together again if he invites you.

[d0nnivain]

There's nothing to cringe over about your message.  It was direct, not over the top  If you said something along the lines of "loving" him that would have been cringeworthy.   You're fine.  

You have to assume that your behavior -- getting drunk & abruptly leaving -- are what turned him off.  

You may be able to salvage this.  I'd try again with, "Hey is there anyway I can get a sober do over on our date?  I was nervous & over did it.  I am truly sorry.  I'm sure I gave you the wrong impression; that is really not who I am.  Can I treat you to [pick something with no alcohol]? "   See what he says & you be prepared to pay as part of your apology.   He may genuinely have been turned off & there is little point in giving people off apps a second chance. 

In the future limit yourself to 2 drinks on a 1st date. It's also safer.  Being vulnerable around a stranger can be dangerous.  

[stillafool]

I think your getting drunk was a turn off and a red flag for him.  Still, he wasn't looking for a relationship but something short term, which sounds like sex with no commitment.  It would be foolish to fall for this guy because he's pretty much already told you it isn't going to go anywhere.  I think I would write this off.

[GeorgiaPeach1]

He would be a fool to risk his freedom by being sexual with a woman who might be drunk at the time. 

[glows]

Did you hear back from him?  

[Sony12]

Yeah someone saying they are just looking for short term is usually just a more appropriate way for people to say they are looking for a hook-up. Him offering to give you a ride home on the surface seems nice but also is just a way to get invited in (most people wouldn't ask to drive to a ladies house on the first date).

Chances are he never planned on there being a second date to begin with and unless you just want hook ups as well I'd avoid people who flat out say they are just looking for short term.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

Yeah someone saying they are just looking for short term is usually just a more appropriate way for people to say they are looking for a hook-up. Him offering to give you a ride home on the surface seems nice but also is just a way to get invited in (most people wouldn't ask to drive to a ladies house on the first date).

Chances are he never planned on there being a second date to begin with and unless you just want hook ups as well I'd avoid people who flat out say they are just looking for short term.

Agree with this.

Also, albeit a kind gesture, combined with him saying he is only looking for something short term I'm glad you passed. Now, I'm sure there are some people out there who genuinely need a ride home or out of kindness would offer to give one - but considering you did not know this guy, he knew nothing about you, and you're both relative strangers at this point - it's not a safe idea. I hope you took an Uber or something on the way home and arrived safely back.

I know you were nervous but please try not to get so inebriated that you put your safety at risk - stop drinking alcohol until you can get a hold of yourself a little more. Of course it's not a good look when you're on a first date with someone but I wouldn't worry about it with this one in particular - you're both just looking for different things and that's totally fine. No harm there.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and try to enjoy your dates in a more sober state next time around.

[BrinnM]

This has happened to me before when I was younger, and it never turned a guy off. It sometimes resulted in a relationship even. 
I don’t think he cared that you drank too much unless you were super sloppy drunk with make up running down your face or whatever. But he’s looking for something short-time, so if he finds you halfway attractive, the drinking won’t bother him. Trust me! There might’ve been an attraction issue right from the get-go that you weren’t aware of (because obviously, he won’t verbalize that).

Edited November 22, 2023 by BrinnM

[BaileyB]

On 11/19/2023 at 8:50 AM, Candy101 said:

I haven’t heard back in a few hours but I’m afraid I ruined it with getting too drunk

I’m sorry to say this, but if you were so drunk that you left abruptly and you don’t really remember the end of the date, this ship has likely sailed. It probably didn’t matter what you texted, you got little more than a polite reply back because he has decided not to follow-up with another date. 
 

On 11/19/2023 at 8:50 AM, Candy101 said:

I texted him the next day thanking him for the date, saying sorry I was quite drunk at the end and wishing him a good weekend.

I think a better option would have been, “I’m very sorry that I had too much to drink last night. That’s usually not me, I was just very nervous. I had a really good time, and I’d be interested in meeting again if you are also interested.”

The texts you sent went from being too vague to too bold. I think you have nothing to lose by being sincere and humble, admitting your mistake, and sending a clear message that you are interested in a second date - 

[ShyViolet]

There's a good chance that he was turned off by your drunkenness on the date.... that is a turn off for a lot of people.  There's nothing you can do about it now.... just learn from this and don't let it happen again.

You already texted him and let him know you'd like to see him again.  Don't text him again.  The ball is in his court now.  If he does not text you after this, then at least you'll have your answer, you'll know he's not interested and you can move on.

[smackie9]

I would say he wasn't feeling it with you...the drinking part, well that's a maybe. If he was really interested, he would have set something up with you regardless. He's looking for short term, meaning he probably has other prospects to check out. And "short term" could mean anything like booty calls to ONSs. If you felt you didn't do right by getting plastered, then simply don't do it again. Lesson learned.