47-year-old man wants to hook up?

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

I'm a 33-year-old woman working in the same office as a 47-year-old colleague who has been displaying intriguing behavior. He is quite chatty, outgoing, and carries himself with a sophisticated posh accent. Despite the significant age gap, he's earned a reputation for acting younger than his age, being vocal, and direct, yet generally likable and friendly. Our interactions began with subtle glances last year, but we never went beyond that. Upon joining the office in January, I discovered we worked together, and although he continued to look at me, we rarely spoke. Recently, I sought his advice, initiating more conversations, and he became increasingly chatty. There was a moment when, wearing a knee-length red dress, I caught him staring, and he seemed hesitant to make eye contact afterward. About a month ago, he became more open, frequently coming to my desk to chat. One day, when we were alone in the office, he shared pictures of his dog, home-grown flowers, and vegetables. Playfully, he even hit my feet. We exchanged numbers, and he sent me pictures on WhatsApp, proving he downloaded the app, and then encouraged me to use Telegram. Since then, he's been finding excuses to talk to me at the office, often using playful terms like 'good girl good girl.' Recently, he started sending pictures of himself in suits from his mid to late thirties. While I complimented him, he also sent a more intimate picture of his thighs and legs sunbathing, which he later deleted, assuring me not to worry. Additionally, he's been inquiring about my evening plans, a departure from his usual questioning about weekend plans, though he never explicitly suggests meeting up. In the office, he playfully tries to hit or touch my feet and even waves whenever I'm near the printer, quickly glancing around. I'm unsure if these signals point towards a potential romantic interest or if it's a hook up situation??

 

 

 

[glows]

He sounds interested in your personal life and likes sharing photos. No need to go so deep trying to figure out if he wants a candlelit dinner or hook up sex. The question is what do you want? Why would you be contemplating dating or sex unless you wanted this. And second q , would the answer affect your work relationship or what you think of him?

[NuevoYorko]

Why do you have to tax your brain over "signals"?   This is always very baffling to me.

You are very busy tracking his "signals" and what other people have said about him, yet there is not one word about your feelings about him.  It seems that you like him.  

So ... why not go out with him and see where it leads?  If he wants to date you, he will ask you out and you can see how that goes.  If you're not interested in hooking up, simply do not have sex with him until / unless you are clearly headed into a relationship.  That will start with him continuing to ask you out.

Unfortunately, if he never asks you out, either he's not very interested in either dating or hooking up, OR he may not choose to date/ bang  people at his workplace.  That's pretty common.  In that case, you could ask him out, assuming you're interested in either dating or hooking up.    

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

3 minutes ago, glows said:

He sounds interested in your personal life and likes sharing photos. No need to go so deep trying to figure out if he wants a candlelit dinner or hook up sex. The question is what do you want? Why would you be contemplating dating or sex unless you wanted this. And second q , would the answer affect your work relationship or what you think of him?

He asked me yesterday what are my evening plans at 9.10 pm . He also shared a pic of his thighs and legs sunbathing and I could see he only had a towel around his waist. He deleted it later on saying if it was too rude.

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

4 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

Why do you have to tax your brain over "signals"?   This is always very baffling to me.

You are very busy tracking his "signals" and what other people have said about him, yet there is not one word about your feelings about him.  It seems that you like him.  

So ... why not go out with him and see where it leads?  If he wants to date you, he will ask you out and you can see how that goes.  If you're not interested in hooking up, simply do not have sex with him until / unless you are clearly headed into a relationship.  That will start with him continuing to ask you out.

Unfortunately, if he never asks you out, either he's not very interested in either dating or hooking up, OR he may not choose to date/ bang  people at his workplace.  That's pretty common.  In that case, you could ask him out, assuming you're interested in either dating or hooking up.    

He doesn't say he's free 

 

He asks me about my weekend plans but never says he's free or wants to meet outside.

[Gaeta]

He's waiting for you to give him a green light.

Forget what he wants...What do you want out of this?

[glows]

4 minutes ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

He asked me yesterday what are my evening plans at 9.10 pm . He also shared a pic of his thighs and legs sunbathing and I could see he only had a towel around his waist. He deleted it later on saying if it was too rude.

Yes ok. I read this in your first post minus the exact time. What about the questions I asked? You didn’t answer.

[NuevoYorko]

11 minutes ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

He doesn't say he's free 

 

He asks me about my weekend plans but never says he's free or wants to meet outside.

Well, as I said, he's obviously not interested enough in you for either dating OR a hookup, if he has not asked you out.   Or, perhaps he doesn't like to mix business with pleasure.  

You can do away with signal deciphering and just ask him out yourself, like I suggested.   If he agrees, he probably wants a hookup (because if he wanted to date you, of course he would ask you out) but you certainly don't need to go for that unless it's what you want.

What DO you want with him?

Did you even read my post?

 

Edited November 19, 2023 by NuevoYorko

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

He's waiting for you to give him a green light.

Forget what he wants...What do you want out of this?

What green light?? I talk to him and I complimented him as well. I also asked him what he's doing on the weekend too but he didn't say he was free

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

7 minutes ago, glows said:

Yes ok. I read this in your first post minus the exact time. What about the questions I asked? You didn’t answer.

I like him but I'm waiting for him tk ask

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

What green light?? I talk to him and I complimented him as well. I also asked him what he's doing on the weekend too but he didn't say he was free

What do *you* want from him? Relationship or hookup?

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What do *you* want from him? Relationship or hookup?

Relationship 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

I'm unsure if these signals point towards a potential romantic interest or if it's a hook up situation??

He’s clearly interested, men don’t behave this way if they are not interested in a woman. Whether he has a romantic interest or whether he wants a hook-up, you will have to ask him. 

 

1 hour ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

he also sent a more intimate picture of his thighs and legs sunbathing, which he later deleted, assuring me not to worry.

Can I just say, gross. I find this condescending a really gross. This is your coworker. That is not appropriate if respectful behavior for either a strictly platonic coworker or, dare I say, a man who has a romantic interest in dating you. This would be a real turn off for me… just saying. 

Edited November 19, 2023 by BaileyB

[Gaeta]

1 minute ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

Relationship 

Then make sure that's what you send as a message.

So, not all men are wired to be hunters, some men have a more passive approch. You think you've given him all the green lights in the world but he may perceive it as you being nice.

So next time he ask you what you're doing on the weekend just say: Not very busy,  l'm free if you'd like to do something.

That gives him a big green light and the ball in his court to make an inviation.

[Wiseman2]

45 minutes ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

He doesn't say he's free. he asks me about my weekend plans but never says he's free or wants to meet outside.

It's possible he's in a relationship, doesn't want messy workplace romances or simply not interested in anything but flirty banter.

The thigh pics are a bit weird, so it may be time to step back and be more professional at work. It's possible he's the office skirt chaser but he doesn't seem interested in a relationship. 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Wiseman2

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

Recently, he started sending pictures of himself in suits from his mid to late thirties. While I complimented him, he also sent a more intimate picture of his thighs and legs sunbathing, which he later deleted, assuring me not to worry. Additionally, he's been inquiring about my evening plans, a departure from his usual questioning about weekend plans, though he never explicitly suggests meeting up.

Hook up situation. Sending you pictures of his leg and thigh is so weird. At least show off your abs like would make a bit more sense.

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

10 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

He’s clearly interested, men don’t behave this way if they are not interested in a woman. Whether he has a romantic interest or whether he wants a hook-up, you will have to ask him. 

 

Can I just say, gross. I find this condescending a really gross. This is your coworker. That is not appropriate if respectful behavior for either a strictly platonic coworker or, dare I say, a man who has a romantic interest in dating you. This would be a real turn off for me… just saying. 

Yeah he deleted it later on because I guess he realised he shared too much. I reacted with a laughing emoji and he was like is it too rude should I delete it and later on he did and Zaid he deleted it

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

1 minute ago, Alpacalia said:

Hook up situation. Sending you pictures of his leg and thigh is so weird. At least show off your abs like would make a bit more sense.

The pics were of him like laying down on a lounger I think , you know like how women on Instagram post by the pool flaunting their thighs and legs only while sunbathing. It was like that

He takes pics of everything so I'm not surprised he has such pics too

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's possible he's in a relationship, doesn't want messy workplace romances or simply not interested in anything but flirty banter.

The thigh pics are a bit weird, so it may be time to step back and be more professional at work. It's possible he's the office skirt chaser but he doesn't seem interested in a relationship. 

He's not in a relationship. He's single and with other women, he's normal and friendly 

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Then make sure that's what you send as a message.

So, not all men are wired to be hunters, some men have a more passive approch. You think you've given him all the green lights in the world but he may perceive it as you being nice.

So next time he ask you what you're doing on the weekend just say: Not very busy,  l'm free if you'd like to do something.

That gives him a big green light and the ball in his court to make an inviation.

I don't want to say that because I don't know what he wants. If he's only looking for attention or wants something. He hasn't saying anytime that he's free on weekends so I doubt he will say he will go out. Especially if he only wants to hook up then he won't go out and I will feel bad about asking him

[Gaeta]

Just now, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

I don't want to say that because I don't know what he wants. If he's only looking for attention or wants something. He hasn't saying anytime that he's free on weekends so I doubt he will say he will go out. Especially if he only wants to hook up then he won't go out and I will feel bad about asking him

This is the way to know what he wants. You send him the message you would *go out* with him if he'd ask. If he does not invite you on a real date then his interest is not genuine. If he invites you to his home to *watch a movie* then yes he just wants a hookup.

This way you take control over this situation. The alternative would be to say nothing and waste months on this back and forth.

Why would you feel bad for asking him? He would be the one looking bad for wanting a hookup with a colleague 14 years younger.  If it's what he wants you'd have the power to destroy his reputation at work.

[Alpacalia]

16 minutes ago, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

The pics were of him like laying down on a lounger I think , you know like how women on Instagram post by the pool flaunting their thighs and legs only while sunbathing. It was like that

He takes pics of everything so I'm not surprised he has such pics too

Was he sunbathing or just showing off his legs and thighs?

I would interpret it as he's testing the waters which is why he is sending you those pics and inquiring about your thoughts and doing light play because he wants to see how you react and get a read off you. 

I just get a sense since he went from suggesting weekend plans to "evening" plans that either he is trying to gauge your romantic interest or he's trying to see if you are free for a potential hookup situation - or both. For someone that is known for being direct and vocal, the fact that he is being flirtatious and sending more intimate pictures (even if he deleted them later) is a clear indication that he is interested in you on a romantic or sexual level. Which is fine, hey, men are interested in attractive women.

What is "Telegram"?

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

7 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Was he sunbathing or just showing off his legs and thighs?

I would interpret it as he's testing the waters which is why he is sending you those pics and inquiring about your thoughts and doing light play because he wants to see how you react and get a read off you. 

I just get a sense since he went from suggesting weekend plans to "evening" plans that either he is trying to gauge your romantic interest or he's trying to see if you are free for a potential hookup situation - or both. For someone that is known for being direct and vocal, the fact that he is being flirtatious and sending more intimate pictures (even if he deleted them later) is a clear indication that he is interested in you on a romantic or sexual level. Which is fine, hey, men are interested in attractive women.

What is "Telegram"?

Just showing off his thighs and legs you know like how insta models do by the pool in their insta posts by flaunting their legs and thighs. Just like that.

He didn't show his body or anything else

 He shows off his physique in suits 

Telegram is equivalent to WhatsApp,  another messaging app but less popular and user friendly than Whatsapp

[Alpacalia]

Just now, Meangreenmysterymachine said:

Just showing off his thighs and legs you know like how insta models do by the pool in their insta posts by flaunting their legs and thighs. Just like that.

He didn't show his body or anything else

 He shows off his physique in suits 

Telegram is equivalent to WhatsApp,  another messaging app but less popular and user friendly than Whatsapp

Thanks.

Didn't you exchange phone numbers already?

I'm asking because, do you see where he is leading with this game? Right, nowhere really. 1, 2 are snapshots of flirty, perhaps risky, a bit immature encounters, 3 means he needs someone to fool around, 4 almost similar only he uses social messaging apps. Everyone has a dog, flowers, and vegetables. Hitting each other's feet 5, or communication channels means if you didn't catch him the first 2 times, this time you will get it right. Stylish suit pics if you're into that style, followed by a sexier pic if you're not.

He may test you how easy it was to get you hooked up 👍🏽

It goes from weekend plans, to evening plans, to what I can only suspect is a messaging platform that has features not available on Whatsapp and allows a user to maintain more 1-to-1 control over communication and content.

One detail is missing: Is he married? Is he seeing with someone? How do you know for sure? How do you know that he is charming, direct, and vocal? From other coworkers or from yourself? Sure, go the direct route, and next time he suggests 9:10 pm evening plans, suggest something else. 

Overall, he's testing you, so show him you see him coming 😉🎓 Good luck!

[Meangreenmysterymachine]

4 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Thanks.

Didn't you exchange phone numbers already?

I'm asking because, do you see where he is leading with this game? Right, nowhere really. 1, 2 are snapshots of flirty, perhaps risky, a bit immature encounters, 3 means he needs someone to fool around, 4 almost similar only he uses social messaging apps. Everyone has a dog, flowers, and vegetables. Hitting each other's feet 5, or communication channels means if you didn't catch him the first 2 times, this time you will get it right. Stylish suit pics if you're into that style, followed by a sexier pic if you're not.

He may test you how easy it was to get you hooked up 👍🏽

It goes from weekend plans, to evening plans, to what I can only suspect is a messaging platform that has features not available on Whatsapp and allows a user to maintain more 1-to-1 control over communication and content.

One detail is missing: Is he married? Is he seeing with someone? How do you know for sure? How do you know that he is charming, direct, and vocal? From other coworkers or from yourself? Sure, go the direct route, and next time he suggests 9:10 pm evening plans, suggest something else. 

Overall, he's testing you, so show him you see him coming 😉🎓 Good luck!

Yes we have numbers but we mostly talk through telegram since he won't use WhatsApp 

He's not married but I do know that he had advanced stage cancer 3 years ago and had undergo intensive treatment for this. I heard from colleagues that he was very sick and thin and was walking with a walking stick when he returned to work 2 years ago but now he seems to be in full strength 

He did say that he needs to keep checking whether he's losing weight and gaining 

 

He's vocal because of how direct he is in the office. Our room is the same so I can see him complaining and chatting 

Edited November 19, 2023 by Meangreenmysterymachine