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Boyfriend wants us to live with a college age girl in the future?

JustPeachyx

By JustPeachyx,
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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JustPeachyx

JustPeachyx

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Good morning everyone,

My boyfriend of 4 years and I were discussing our future living arrangements and he brought up renting a spare room to a college aged girl when we purchase a house. In this scenario we would be building a family and he mentioned it would be temporary while we get our financials in order. Should I be worried about the college aged girl comment?

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Alpacalia

Alpacalia

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Well, it's a bit of a specific request, eh? Maybe he just thinks that a college girl would be more suitable given it's an extra room and not a potential new home since her usage of the room would be temporary.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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1 hour ago, JustPeachyx said:

My boyfriend of 4 years and I were discussing our future living arrangements and he brought up renting a spare room to a college aged girl when we purchase a house. 

 Are you living together now? How is your relationship overall? How old is he? Why buy a house with him? Especially one you can't afford without boarders? Does he just want some young nubile cutie around to look at?

Very weird comment. If you need the money that bad don't buy the house. Especially if he specifically thinks installing a young hottie as a roommate is a good idea. 

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NuevoYorko

NuevoYorko

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Yes it's weird.  A "roommate" is not weird, including if it turns out to be a female one.  A "college student" is not weird, if you live in a college town where it's likely you'd be able to rent out a room to one to help with finances.  To specify a "college girl"?   Riiiight.

Why don't you propose that you'd enjoy a good looking college fellow more.   See how he likes that idea.

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MsJayne

MsJayne

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Why can't it be a college aged boy? This would really get up my nose if I was in your place, it would make me uncomfortable, and annoyed, that he was autonomously deciding we'd have a young female in the house. If you let him run with this idea you just know that your new flat-mate's going to look like Margot Robbie, we all know he won't be tenanting the spare room with Mr Ed. Put him straight, no nubile nymphets are needed in your home, especially when you're planning a family. The last thing you need is to find him spying on a college girl through a hole he's drilled in the bathroom wall, or worse, accepting favours in lieu of rent. Sorry for making him sound like Norman Bates, but something about his plan smells a bit off. Is it possible he's just winding you up and is joking? May I ask how old you and he are? 

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basil67

basil67

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I wouldn't worry if it were me.    I trust my husband....and if he had an opinion either way, I'm sure he could give a good reason.   

Perhaps your guy has had too many dirty male flatmates over the years and thinks that a girl would be more domestically inclined.   Perhaps he feels you'd be safer without a strange guy in the house.  Is there any reason to believe that you wouldn't be interviewing applicants with him?

Is there any reason you didn't just ask "why female in particular?"  Or "why college aged?" when he mentioned the idea?   It's really important to be able to communicate and clarify things when in a relationship.

 

Edited by basil67
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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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I am going to assume his reasons are financial & he thinks a woman would be calmer, more suitable to a home life / not disruptive like a partying college boy.   

If you are open to the cost saving / extra income from a roommate, simply make a decision on an individual basis.  Don't exclude by gender but be leery of bringing temptation into your home.  

Find other ways now to earn more money through side hustles etc so maybe you won't need the roommate to make ends meet.  

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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15 hours ago, JustPeachyx said:

 he brought up renting a spare room to a college aged girl when we purchase a house. 

Super! Let him finance and live in his own house and daydream about it. It's ridiculous to try to live as a couple when he wants his fantasies of making money off hot young thing running around. 

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stillafool

stillafool

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16 hours ago, JustPeachyx said:

Good morning everyone,

My boyfriend of 4 years and I were discussing our future living arrangements and he brought up renting a spare room to a college aged girl when we purchase a house. In this scenario we would be building a family and he mentioned it would be temporary while we get our financials in order. Should I be worried about the college aged girl comment?

Did you ask him if a college aged boy would be okay too and why do they have to be college age?

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Acacia98

Acacia98

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21 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why buy a house with him? Especially one you can't afford without boarders?

@OP, these are the questions that come to mind.  It's not like he has already purchased a home and finds himself in a tricky financial situation. He's actually planning for you two to purchase a house that you cannot afford on your own and raise a family in it.

I think it would be a good idea for you to review these plans of his. What do they tell you about his vision and financial preparedness? Do you fit in the future he imagines for you? I imagine that when you get married AND have kids, you will want your home to be your own private space and that if you have anyone staying over, you will want it to be a relative or close friend.

Edited by Acacia98
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stillafool

stillafool

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1 minute ago, Acacia98 said:

I think it would be a good idea for you to review these plans of his. What do they tell you about his vision and financial preparedness? Do you fit in the future he imagines for you? I imagine that when you get married AND have kids, you will want your home to be your own private space and that if you have anyone staying over, you will want it to be a relative or close friend.

I agree with this.  Plus, a college girl will not want a curfew as if she's living home with her parents.   A renter will want to come and go as they please.  Are you comfortable with someone coming in your house at all hours of the day and night?

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Alpacalia

Alpacalia

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I wouldn't worry about it either. What do you feel is going to happen? Is she going to parade through the house in skivies and have pillow parties at midnight? If you trust him, then it is a non-issue.

People do rent rooms out to other adults in their houses all the time. There is nothing inherently significant about the fact that it would be a college student. Besides, what if she is some really geeky math nerd? Would you still be worried? Now if he said "young, blonde, hottie that goes jogging in tight tanks and shorts and likes to sunbathe in the backyard" then I may have a concern. But if he's going to be unfaithful to you then it doesn't matter who's renting a room.

If you're uncomfortable with him renting the room, then say that.

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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On 11/19/2023 at 3:06 PM, JustPeachyx said:

My boyfriend of 4 years and I were discussing our future living arrangements and he brought up renting a spare room to a college aged girl when we purchase a house. 

How old is he? He seems to be overdosing on cheerleader porn. Is this the same man?

 

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Els

Els

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Having a boarder isn't weird, stipulating that the boarder has to be of the opposite gender from him and that she has to be of a certain age is INCREDIBLY weird. On the bright side, if he did put that in the rental ad, any sensible "college aged girl" would get majorly creeped out and wouldn't apply, so aside from what it says about him, I guess you don't have much to worry about...

Edited by Els
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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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I read a finance article earlier today.  Getting a house & having a paying roommate to help offset the costs is a thing now.  It's apparently called "House Hacking." 

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glows

glows

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Since he’s had a history of inappropriate comments to other young women yes I’d be concerned.

If he said something else in a much more generalized format like “college students” that would have been more acceptable and I’d assume he’s thinking short term rental to students. You should clarify.

Has he passed other comments about young women? 

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Wiseman2

Wiseman2

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On 11/19/2023 at 3:06 PM, JustPeachyx said:

My boyfriend of 4 years and I were discussing our future living arrangements and he brought up renting a spare room to a college aged girl when we purchase a house. 

Don't buy a house with someone who doesn't want to live as a couple and isn't a mature reliable partner. It seems like he wants an investment, not a relationship. Please don't waste your money on this. He's not committed to you.  Are you engaged or planning on marrying? Why not rent for a while? "Let's buy a house with a built-in hottie" isn't a proposal.

Edited by Wiseman2
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