I Keep Seeing My Ex.

[stillafool]

23 minutes ago, Lifeasasignlelady22 said:

I was very uneasy when he was behind me. I think I was to chicken to turn around and face him. Had I walked by him I would have given a nod or smile but he's very tall and I'm not so it was a  little intimidating with him right behind me. 

I also told my friends to not tell me what he says. I told my friend not to invite him over to say hello a few weeks ago and she did anyway. That's when they got chatting at the bar. Now that I think about it she might be secretly trying to force a reconciliation or open the conversation with me and my ex. 

You say you are over him but if you were, you wouldn't feel that way when around him.  You'd be indifferent and wouldn't have a problem speaking to him.  He was right not to come over when you weren't sitting there with your friends, because it seems he was correct that you don't want your friends talking to him, at least when you're around.  He likes them and came to say hello once you left the table, which was respectable.  If you think your friend is secretly trying to force a reconciliation, tell her to stop.

[Acacia98]

5 hours ago, Lifeasasignlelady22 said:

I don't think he is stalking/trying to show up to places he knows where I am. He doesn't come across as someone like that. We are in no contact and have been since we broke up so I don't understand why he would be holding onto anger.  

Based on your description of his behavior, it sounds like he's looking for your attention when he does meet you at these venues. So I wouldn't put the possibility of his trying to stalk you past him.

I think it was a blow to his ego that you dumped him and moved on. He seems to resent you for that. He actually sounds kind of childish and petty to me.

8 minutes ago, Lifeasasignlelady22 said:

I was very uneasy when he was behind me. I think I was to chicken to turn around and face him. Had I walked by him I would have given a nod or smile but he's very tall and I'm not so it was a  little intimidating with him right behind me. 

I also told my friends to not tell me what he says. I told my friend not to invite him over to say hello a few weeks ago and she did anyway. That's when they got chatting at the bar. Now that I think about it she might be secretly trying to force a reconciliation or open the conversation with me and my ex. 

You need to listen to your instincts. If you are uneasy in his presence then there's good reason for that. He may very well be dangerous beneath that veneer. Perhaps you would have found that out if your relationship had lasted longer.

I actually think someone in your social circle is keeping him informed of your movements. It's not a coincidence that the guy keeps showing up where you are even when you go to new places. So I'm glad you mentioned that a friend may be trying to push you two towards a reconciliation. Your friend is suspect. And your friend and your ex don't respect your boundaries.

If I were in your shoes, I'd experiment a bit to see if my suspicions about this friend were right. Then I would drastically change my social life to make sure my ex and I did not bump into each other at all.

[Lifeasasignlelady22]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

You say you are over him but if you were, you wouldn't feel that way when around him.  You'd be indifferent and wouldn't have a problem speaking to him.  He was right not to come over when you weren't sitting there with your friends, because it seems he was correct that you don't want your friends talking to him, at least when you're around.  He likes them and came to say hello once you left the table, which was respectable.  If you think your friend is secretly trying to force a reconciliation, tell her to stop.

I have no problem with him talking to my friends. I never had an issue with it. I told them that when we broke up. My issue was he was blaming me for them not talking to him, which was their own choice. 

I found the idea of him speaking to my friends when I left bizarre and it reinforced the idea that he has a chip on his shoulder about something which is why I felt off about saying hello to him. It felt like he was harbouring some resentment towards me, even if it was just about my friends not being friends with him which I have no control over. 

I am indifferent to him to a point. However I am also aware that we where a couple and at one point in time we loved each other very much, so I harbour no bad feelings. I just felt it bizarre behaviour that he is showing up a lot more in places that I am at, he is speaking to my friends, yet ignores me.

The first time I saw him out, I was with a friend and he was with a friend they kept looking over, he purposely walked towards me as I thought he was coming off and then he turned and went the other direction.

The second time I saw him, he chatting to me friend at the bar but kept his distance , that happened again and then Saturday just gone he went a chatted to my friends and stood beside/ behind me most of the night regardless of how many times I moved around.

Yes I am aware he might have been waiting for me maybe to say hello first or he was testing the waters to see if I would react to him being so close which I didn't but it felt very intimidating. I was close to saying hello to him and then when I found out he was chatting to my friends while I was in the toilet I figured he was angry or didn't want to speak to me as coming up to my friend group while I was there I thought would have been less awkward. 

 

[Lifeasasignlelady22]

1 hour ago, Acacia98 said:

Based on your description of his behavior, it sounds like he's looking for your attention when he does meet you at these venues. So I wouldn't put the possibility of his trying to stalk you past him.

I think it was a blow to his ego that you dumped him and moved on. He seems to resent you for that. He actually sounds kind of childish and petty to me.

You need to listen to your instincts. If you are uneasy in his presence then there's good reason for that. He may very well be dangerous beneath that veneer. Perhaps you would have found that out if your relationship had lasted longer.

I actually think someone in your social circle is keeping him informed of your movements. It's not a coincidence that the guy keeps showing up where you are even when you go to new places. So I'm glad you mentioned that a friend may be trying to push you two towards a reconciliation. Your friend is suspect. And your friend and your ex don't respect your boundaries.

If I were in your shoes, I'd experiment a bit to see if my suspicions about this friend were right. Then I would drastically change my social life to make sure my ex and I did not bump into each other at all.

I doubt he is trying to stalk, he never really came across as that type. 

I was uneasy for some reason or other and I 100% agree to always trust your instinct and I did. I don't think he was or is dangerous, except for the odd time where we argued he was always a gentleman so I won't fault him on that.  The only stalking he ever done was stalk my social media for a while after the break up so I went private so he couldn't see. 

I don't think it could be my friend, when I started dating him we had a bit of a falling out over him saying something inappropriate about me at a party. I wouldn't speak to him after so he reached out to one of my girlfriends to help mend it, which she did. However I trust my friend with my life and I don't think she would do that or at least she would tell me he reached out to her I think. Although any time I have been out with her my ex has shown up. Although that could be coincidence. 

 

[Alpacalia]

5 hours ago, Lifeasasignlelady22 said:

I can think of a few reasons, 

I think one of them is if I said hello and he either ignored me or was rude it would hurt. We didn't end on the best of terms. I was pretty angry and we both said some horrible things. Nothing majorly bad but I wasn't exactly nice but neither was he towards the end. That is my worry, I am over it and have let it go. However I don't know if he is and I think that's a big worry on my side. 

I think I am afraid because up until the end of the relationship he was a gentleman and then got very abusive at the very end during the breakup stage. Not physically I should stress but I saw a side to him that scared me a bit and while I have let it go I still have it in the back of my mind about how mean he was at the end and that is why i am afraid to say hello or even a quick hi as where we left it wasn't in a great place and I don't want it to come back up again or to open a can of worms.

He scares me a little bit which is why I was a little afraid to approach him as I don't know what mood or reaction I will get. 

 

 

Can you maybe try to go to a different venue if he happens to be at the same place?

At least this allows you to keep any further interaction to a bare minimum.

[assertives]

Well, test it out. Make plans with your friend to go somewhere or do something special you don't normally do and see if he shows up. If he does, either your friend told him or he is actually stalking. Then after that, try going to somewhere a little off your usual hangout with a different set of friends or friend or even a family member and see if you are still running into him.

Trust your instincts more and less on what you thought you knew of him. It never hurts to be on your guard.

Edited November 29, 2023 by assertives

[stillafool]

On 11/20/2023 at 11:33 AM, Lifeasasignlelady22 said:

Now that I think about it she might be secretly trying to force a reconciliation or open the conversation with me and my ex.

Maybe she isn't as good a friend as you think.  If you have told her the things about him that you told us here, coupled with your fear of him, I would think she'd do everything possible to keep him away from you.   Maybe she has a crush on him and that is why she keeps talking to him and he keeps showing up everywhere where you guys go.  Maybe something is up with the two of them.