Am I overthinking

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

Yeah. I would say in general if you have to seriously question their interest you're probably right to.

Flakers gonna flake, I wish more people would say hey I'm not really feeling up for a second date, nice to meet you. But silence or short answers is effectively a way of telling you this in most cases. Any time initial dates have turned into a thing I've never had to overthink their level of enthusiasm to see me.

For the most part, I agree.

I did have a meet once where we had the day time set a week in advance, I didn't hear from him for the entire week leading up, and then I just showed up and we had a lovely time. He offered to drive me back, I declined, and then he text me to make sure I got home alright. So, it really can go either way.

[glows]

On 11/23/2023 at 8:50 AM, Isaiah said:

No she didn’t, I had also asked if she was available for a drive and pizza Tuesday night after work but she said she couldn’t, it seemed like she was disappointed about Tuesday but I’m not sure. I’ve just recently asked her again when she won’t be working this weekend so I’m currently waiting

Are you still waiting to hear about this Sat? She took her sweet time replying to you about Sunday and then drags out an answer about Saturday without mentioning why? What kind of job does she have? Does she work on weekends? Is it possible she doesn’t know her schedule? I’m giving the benefit of the doubt that she is not being a total brat and is truly either clueless or has the communication skills of a centipede. The level of rudeness not responding in a timely way or in a considerate way is mind blowing.

I’m also quite taken aback that while you’re recovering sick you’re expected to buy her candy and deliver it to her door. Hint hint wink wink and all that jazz. She didn’t think to deliver chicken noodle soup or something you like because you’re recovering or ill? What are you doing? Please stop.

You can keep chatting with her if it entertains you but goodness please don’t keep giving someone so much attention when it’s not given back. 

[FredEire]

13 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

For the most part, I agree.

I did have a meet once where we had the day time set a week in advance, I didn't hear from him for the entire week leading up, and then I just showed up and we had a lovely time. He offered to drive me back, I declined, and then he text me to make sure I got home alright. So, it really can go either way.

Sure, but in that case you set a time and both of you stuck to it, there just wasn't a lot going on in between. Don't think there's anything wrong with that personally although I'd try and chat a bit in the week leading up as one or both people could easily lose interest.

It drives me up the wall though when you make time for someone and they either cancel and reschedule 2/3 times or even call it off 30 minutes before the date/don't show up and say they completely forgot.

It's not rude to say you don't fancy a date any more, wasting someone's time completely though is.

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

Sure, but in that case you set a time and both of you stuck to it, there just wasn't a lot going on in between. Don't think there's anything wrong with that personally although I'd try and chat a bit in the week leading up as one or both people could easily lose interest.

It drives me up the wall though when you make time for someone and they either cancel and reschedule 2/3 times or even call it off 30 minutes before the date/don't show up and say they completely forgot.

It's not rude to say you don't fancy a date any more, wasting someone's time completely though is.

I wasn't concerned about his interest fading because he had shown strong interest from the start, almost a bit too intense. Yet, his sudden silence felt strange. I briefly worried if he might not show up, and it was a 35-minute Uber ride to our meet-up. But then I thought, "I'll let the night guide its course and take me wherever it leads."

Labeling someone canceling plans as a rude mess without knowing why is tough. Yet, there's this urge because you're left wondering, "What's up their butt?" This probably feels more upsetting than 99% of typical first date letdowns. But I think it's a vital skill in dating not to internalize this kind of rescheduling as a personal hit. I mean, you really have to weight it all out and save the fussiest stuff til you learn if there will be a second date.

I don't know if I am making much sense 😜 buuuutt yes, it would have been much more considerate if this woman simply replied to the agency that she had changed her mind and was no longer interested.

That would have been a very nice way of handling this situation.

She mentioned being possibly free on Friday or Saturday and zoned out when he mentioned a time. Ever wonder why more dates don't come knocking at your door? Well, consider how she treated the guy who put effort into planning. She said "might be free," but come on, even the busiest folks can hint at their availability. And then, the radio silence after showing interest? Baffling, right? Dating's a maze of mixed signals, but hey, that's life. Most chat's just noise; the real convos happens on that 1% first date.

It's not rude to say you don't fancy a date any more, wasting someone's time completely though is. Then there's like the slow fade thing. I think I was the recipient of that once and I decided to 180 out just like that.

Cancellations some time before the date are of course unavoidable, but my point is that they are inferior to sticking to your word and meeting when you agreed to meet.

There's no perfect playbook, but one rule stands: never dive into a date without feeling super pumped, or it might not be what you're searching for!

Edited November 25, 2023 by Alpacalia

[FredEire]

12 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I wasn't concerned about his interest fading because he had shown strong interest from the start, almost a bit too intense. Yet, his sudden silence felt strange. I briefly worried if he might not show up, and it was a 35-minute Uber ride to our meet-up. But then I thought, "I'll let the night guide its course and take me wherever it leads."

Labeling someone canceling plans as a rude mess without knowing why is tough. Yet, there's this urge because you're left wondering, "What's up their butt?" This probably feels more upsetting than 99% of typical first date letdowns. But I think it's a vital skill in dating not to internalize this kind of rescheduling as a personal hit. I mean, you really have to weight it all out and save the fussiest stuff til you learn if there will be a second date.

I don't know if I am making much sense 😜 buuuutt yes, it would have been much more considerate if this woman simply replied to the agency that she had changed her mind and was no longer interested.

That would have been a very nice way of handling this situation.

She mentioned being possibly free on Friday or Saturday and zoned out when he mentioned a time. Ever wonder why more dates don't come knocking at your door? Well, consider how she treated the guy who put effort into planning. She said "might be free," but come on, even the busiest folks can hint at their availability. And then, the radio silence after showing interest? Baffling, right? Dating's a maze of mixed signals, but hey, that's life. Most chat's just noise; the real convos happens on that 1% first date.

It's not rude to say you don't fancy a date any more, wasting someone's time completely though is. Then there's like the slow fade thing. I think I was the recipient of that once and I decided to 180 out just like that.

Cancellations some time before the date are of course unavoidable, but my point is that they are inferior to sticking to your word and meeting when you agreed to meet.

There's no perfect playbook, but one rule stands: never dive into a date without feeling super pumped, or it might not be what you're searching for!

Wasting someone's time absolutely is rude and is a childish avoidance of difficult but necessary honesty.

Yeah the slow fade thing is a fairly common way for casual relationships to die off. I think theres often a bit more of a mutual understanding though that it's slowly going nowhere, full conversations turning into "ok"s and "haha"s and eventually nothing.