Gaeta Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 59 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: But I also read something recently that said exes don't owe each other anything, and that really resonated with me. I don't owe him a goodbye if I feel it's not the right thing for me. You are right. Don't do that to yourself. Also his desire to meet for a good bye tells me he's trying to ease his own guilt & and it tells me he was not attached to you as much as you were to him. If he cared for your feelings he would not ask that of you. His request is cruel and selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: He was upset that I didn't want to, so there's a part of me that feels guilty about it. I'm not sure why I feel that way, since ultimately it was my decision and I didn't want to put myself through the emotional turmoil again. Your post reminded me of something I was thinking about earlier today: people really don't like being told, "No." You made a wise decision. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 2 hours ago, Alpacalia said: BF and I broke up January 13. We have not spoken since, but he recently reached out to tell me the day he was leaving for Europe to pursue his Ph.D. and asked if I wanted to say goodbye. At first, I was hesitant and didn't know how to respond. But after thinking about it and talking to some friends, I decided that I am not going to meet up with him. I didn't want to open up old wounds and say goodbye, only to have to say goodbye again when he actually leaves for Europe. Part of me feels a little sad that we won't get the chance to say a proper goodbye. I wish him all the best in Europe and hope he achieves his dreams. But there is a little part of me that feels maybe I should have said yes to seeing him before he leaves, just because we parted so amicably and it would have been nice to see him one last time. He was upset that I didn't want to, so there's a part of me that feels guilty about it. I'm not sure why I feel that way, since ultimately it was my decision and I didn't want to put myself through the emotional turmoil again. But I also read something recently that said exes don't owe each other anything, and that really resonated with me. I don't owe him a goodbye if I feel it's not the right thing for me. You definitely don't owe this to him - you need to take care of yourself first. And FWIW, I agree that not meeting up is the best decision. It's possible for exes to be purely platonic friends, but it's much too early for that with this guy IMO. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted July 1 Author Share Posted July 1 (edited) 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: You are right. Don't do that to yourself. Also his desire to meet for a good bye tells me he's trying to ease his own guilt & and it tells me he was not attached to you as much as you were to him. If he cared for your feelings he would not ask that of you. His request is cruel and selfish. Maybe. He pleaded over and over initially that he would stay or postpone it but I was so adamant that he didn't. Because, it's like, why even mention it to me? But yes, I think him wanting to see me before he left was 100% selfish of him, whether he knows it or not. I still think very fondly of him and tried to rationalize it, but you're completely right. I'll think of this whenever I question why he wanted to say goodbye to me. Edited July 1 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 On 7/1/2024 at 10:42 PM, Alpacalia said: But I also read something recently that said exes don't owe each other anything, and that really resonated with me. I don't owe him a goodbye if I feel it's not the right thing for me. Absolutely. I think you’ve made the right decision. I learned a couple of days ago that my ex is going to move to another country. Part of me wants her to visit once before she leaves, to see the pets we’d been raising for 6 years, which are now living with me. Another part is somewhat sad that she won’t be seeing the pets anymore. I have some conflicted emotions about that as well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 On 7/1/2024 at 3:42 PM, Alpacalia said: But I also read something recently that said exes don't owe each other anything, and that really resonated with me. I don't owe him a goodbye if I feel it's not the right thing for me. its a pity things did not work out, I dont know- a person can make a decision for seemingly justifiable reasons but sometimes their mistake does not hit them until a significant period of time afterwards, It is hard to go back then also- as evidenced by your thoughts now, Fascinating too - life is not always or romances anyway often not straightforward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 6 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Absolutely. I think you’ve made the right decision. I learned a couple of days ago that my ex is going to move to another country. Part of me wants her to visit once before she leaves, to see the pets we’d been raising for 6 years, which are now living with me. Another part is somewhat sad that she won’t be seeing the pets anymore. I have some conflicted emotions about that as well. What are you conflicted by, exactly? Just curious. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 3 hours ago, Alpacalia said: What are you conflicted by, exactly? Just curious. That I’m happy for her and wish her all the best, and I’m definitely over her, but part of me is sad that she’s leaving the country and won’t see the pets anymore. I asked her at least to come visit the pets one last time (they are old and might just have a couple of years left). She didn’t even bother replying to that. It just saddens me that she is ignoring the pets that she used to raise and proclaimed to love deeply. And I’m feeling a bit guilty for feeling sad about that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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