gordon_gc Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Hi everyone, Well, I guess it is my turn to post a thread looking for help and advices that could help me to get my girlfriend back. I am 25, French living in Australia for the past 4 years as a student. She is 26 and Australian. We met about 2 1/2 years ago and stayed in touch for about 1 1/2 year on the basis of casual sex. I know it sounds weird and maybe rude to some of you but we both kinda accepted the situation the way it was. I was an international student not willing to get into something serious to be sure I dont spoil my fun and she was moving to a city 70km away and ready to discover a new environment. We were seeing eachother once every 3 weeks. At some point, I started to realise that I wanted to stop being a dummy boyfriend and that she was far more important that what I realised. I made the decision to be more respectful and asked her out as a proper boyfriend. She denied for about 2 months but finally gave me a chance. Since then, I can define us as a proper couple (since october 2004). Everything was great. We were having fun, getting along real good...a real connection between 2 persons. The only problem was probably the distance but we kept seeing eachother during week ends + once during mid week. We lived things that made our relationship stronger including the death of one of her closed friend, her granpa getting really sick, us going to france to meet my family. In September 2005, I kinda felt something was not totally alright with her. Naturally, my mind started to work real hard and imagine all sort of stuffs (ie: seeing someone else, etc...etc...). My behaviour changed a bit so we could really try to become as closed as we were before. I realised I probably got a bit too much of the oppressive boyfriend taking a bit too much of her personal space. Things got worth since my behaviour sort of suffocated her. About 2 weeks ago, tired of feeling something was going wrong, I decided to write her a long email and ask her what she felt, how she saw our relationship, etc...etc... She didn't get back to me meaning she was obviously avoiding the whole thing. I started a long talk bringing her to tell me that she needed a break, that she felt suffocated by our relationship (even though we werent seeing eachother that much), she needed her space but didnt really know why. I got quite shocked but accepted it and gave her the space she wanted by not calling all the time, not text messaging. Actually, she was the one keeping in touch with me all that time. At some point, to compensate my lack of communication, I sent flowers meaning "I am still here". After 1 1/2 week, she told me she was coming to see me during the week end. I told her I was fine. We got back together...had a really good time, told eachother "I missed you" but didn't talk more about all the underlying issues. She left at the end of the week end but were still feeling something wrong... 2 days laters, I told her I could come to see her if she wanted me to but gave me grade-10-excuses to avoid me such as "I have dancing that nit, this to do some other nit,etc". That is when I blew up and told her I was getting really sick of all this and deserved a better explanation than "I dont know". She finally ended up telling me she needed her space, wasnt feeling the same for me but still loved me. She told me she couldnt see eachother in the future because we were different (not culturally but not on the same wave length)...IT WAS OVER. She told me she would be here if needed to talk to someone and wanted to keep me close to her (as a friend?). Since, I haven't contacted her. I cry, I seek advices, feel really hurt by the whole situation and what she told me. She tried to contact me to invite me to go to the cinema and diner but feel this is more a compassion invitation than a genuine love invitation. People told me I need to cut contact for a bit to show her I am more important than she thinks I am...but ay, it is really hard to wonder what she does, where she is. I want her back but dont know how...help me please ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted November 10, 2005 Author Share Posted November 10, 2005 Hi, a little update about the situation...actually realise now that I am more concerned by a no contact strategy ... and ultimately getting back together. Since she broke up with me, she is the one contacting me by text messages. The first one was to tell she was here for me if i needed to talk and the fact that she didnt know if I would be fine with her calling me. Second message was about her inviting me for a cinema and diner on saturday > COMPASSION ??? Third message telling me she understand if I dont feel like calling her but that she is here if I want to... She is really confusing me and don't know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 10, 2005 Share Posted November 10, 2005 Hi, a little update about the situation...actually realise now that I am more concerned by a no contact strategy ... and ultimately getting back together. Since she broke up with me, she is the one contacting me by text messages. The first one was to tell she was here for me if i needed to talk and the fact that she didnt know if I would be fine with her calling me. Second message was about her inviting me for a cinema and diner on saturday > COMPASSION ??? Third message telling me she understand if I dont feel like calling her but that she is here if I want to... She is really confusing me and don't know what to do. Desole, I am also French, but in the US. International student and all, I know exactly how you feel when you want to make a relationship work so hard, because the girl is everything to you, she is your family, your friend, since we are so far away from home and have no one else to rely on. I was in that situation also, and became the same way you did and did not give her enough space, and eventually, she broke up with me. Trust me, it is not because of cultural differences, it is not because of language problems, it is because right now, she does not want to be with someone who is too dependent of her. My girl tried to give me some excuses like that also, and I took them. I also took the whole I still want to be friends. It lasted one month and then she just couldnt take it anymore. And she was there, but she was not there in her mind. I know how hard it is to loose someone that means everything, and the value that you attach to the girlfriend when youre so far away from home. But right now, the best thing to do is to give her space. Not a single contact, and show her that you can live without her, and that youre fine. I did that, realized that I loved my ex very much, but if I was home, I would not have stayed for so long. If I was home, I would have given her space, gone out with my friends, and not be so dependent of her because my friends and family would have been here. Courage, courage, tout ira bien! Met toi un bon petit cabrel, relax, et tu veras, tout deviendra plus clair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gordon_gc Posted November 11, 2005 Author Share Posted November 11, 2005 Hi, It is actually really interesting to see things that way. I realise you are exacly right patwell !!! Being an "imigrant" doesnt make things easier. Her family kind of became mine, her friends are mine too...and it is always easier to stay with her by my side than alone. I totally agree with the whole no contact thing but I am still quite lost on how to apply it. She keeps messaging me with little stuffs that make me things nothing has changed such as "blablabla, love, me XOX" or "blablabla baby XOX". What to do ? Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 when someone needs their space usually there is someone else they want with them in that space and I don't think that person is you right now.Continue NC and let the dust settle a bit.Throw some shrimp on the Barbie in the meantime;) Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 Hi, It is actually really interesting to see things that way. I realise you are exacly right patwell !!! Being an "imigrant" doesnt make things easier. Her family kind of became mine, her friends are mine too...and it is always easier to stay with her by my side than alone. I totally agree with the whole no contact thing but I am still quite lost on how to apply it. She keeps messaging me with little stuffs that make me things nothing has changed such as "blablabla, love, me XOX" or "blablabla baby XOX". What to do ? Dont contact her. If she truly loves you, then she will come back. But right now, she is the one who broke up with you and not the other way. No contact also means that she will be able to be herself again, and if you do not respect her wishes to give her space, you will lose her forever. Look at my story, and youll see, i pretty much depended on my ex for everything. Everything changed! She is not with you anymore! My ex and I were together for almost 3 yrs, and lived together. She broke up, moved out, changed her mind once, and said I still want to be with you and all that. But her heart was long gone, and when you're dwelling with your feelings, it immediatly shows. It lasted one month like this and finally 2 weeks ago, it was over. I got the whole, I love you, kisses, and all that, I miss you, but you cant fool yourself. If she is still in love with you she would stay with you. I know my ex is not a cold heartless b*tch, and Im sure yours isnt either. Mine knows that she was everything for me in the states since I dont really have anything, and that she is pretty much family for me. Her staying with me an extra month is just sugar coating, and top it off so that she does not feel so guilty leaving you. Je t'assure, cest une question de courage. Nous sommes alles dans un nouveau pays, nous refaire une nouvelle vie, et on a ete ds la mm situation qd on est arrive: tt seul, avec seulement le desir de reussir. Courage, tu y arriveras. Mais d'ici la, essaye de l'eviter au maximum, et surtout, surtout, sort, rencontre du nouveau monde, et redeviens independent! Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 I know my ex is not a cold heartless b*tch, Mine is fellas moi ex et la beitch! froi hearted avec fromage;) Link to post Share on other sites
patwheel Posted November 11, 2005 Share Posted November 11, 2005 Mine is fellas moi ex et la beitch! froi hearted avec fromage;) Hehe, Close by to Montreal, can smell the influence One way or another, everything will even out...karma is a b*tch! Link to post Share on other sites
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