how long do I have to wait until I can break up with him? UPDATED]

[julia___]

hi

im in a ldr and i feel like this relationship has to end now. we became more distant, i dont feel like i used to about him and i’ve noticed he has been ignoring me and my messages. but the problem is, his birthday is in one week and i dont wanna destroy this special moment for him. so how many days(weeks?) after his birthday i can break up with him ?

Edited December 5, 2023 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
merged threads

[stillafool]

You don't have to wait until after his birthday to break up with him.  Do it now.   If he is ignoring you he may want you to break up with him.  Do it.

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, julia___ said:

Im in a ldr and i feel like this relationship has to end now. .his birthday is in one week.

How long have you been talking? Have you met in person? How far away is he? It doesn't matter if you end it before or after.

You can wish him a happy birthday but the important thing is to be honest and tell it's not working, then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps permanently. 

[MsJayne]

Why are you concerned about the feelings of someone who's ignoring you?  

[basil67]

If he's been ignoring you and your messages, you don't need to say a thing.  Just block him

[d0nnivain]

I wouldn't just block him.  I would say You have been ignoring me so now we're broken up, then block him.   You don't have to wait until after his birthday but if that is what you want to do, I'd say 2 days.  

[glows]

It must be painful not being around one another on birthdays like this in an ldr. I would think if you’re not visiting him or he’s not visiting you he’s probably spending time with friends and family. Are you certain it’s not a busy time for him and these aren’t minor delays - he is going out of his way to ignore you and seems checked out of the relationship completely?

If you are very certain he’s disrespectful or checked out you can break up any time you want but keep it short and avoid long texts and emails, keep any phone conversation brief. You’re doing the right thing letting him go and freeing yourself if you don’t have the same feelings and are certain this isn’t for you. 

Edited December 1, 2023 by glows

[ExpatInItaly]

On 11/25/2023 at 10:04 PM, julia___ said:

i’ve noticed he has been ignoring me and my messages. but the problem is, his birthday is in one week and i dont wanna destroy this special moment for him.

Real talk: if he's been ignoring you, then he doesn't care enough about you for a break-up to destroy his birthday. 

Just go ahead and do it. 

[julia___]

a week before my boyfriends birthday i decided to break up with him. but i also didnt want to make him sad on his special day, so i thought to break up with him a week after his birthday. but, a day after birthday he started to notice somethings off. i didnt want to pretend i have feelings for him anymore and i was distant and he kept asking me what is going on. i didnt know what to do, should i lie to him that everything is fine for another week or tell him straight just one day after birthday. well, i went with the second option and his response was "is it your gift for my birthday?". and now i have this huuuge remorse becuase of that. i responded to him :would i be better if i lied to you that i have feelings? and he said yes. im feeling so bad, im feeling like i owe it to him, i should stay with him because my reasons to break up are stupid(thats another story). it seriously makes me so anxious and i dont know what to do, i apologized to him for this timing, but i just didnt want to lie to him anymore and i didnt actually do it on his birthday.

also, after this thing i told him: "okay, so will it be better for you if we break up at the end of this week?" ans he said "it would be better for me" so now we are still together until friday.

[Wiseman2]

35 minutes ago, julia___ said:

his response was "is it your gift for my birthday?". 

Unfortunately there's no right time or good way to break up.  Please don't second guess your decision, honesty is the best policy. Unfortunately he took it badly but that happens. Please don't be manipulated by guilt. 

Set him free, make a clean break then delete and block him and all his people from ALL your social media and messaging apps. Is this the same man?:

 

[glows]

No wonder you lost feelings for him. He makes no sense at all, OP. What does it matter whether it’s now or in 3 days. If I had to guess he’s acting immature and vindictive holding this against you. Just say you’re finished and best of luck with everything. He has his family and friends if he needs support. 
 

Edited December 5, 2023 by glows

[basil67]

The guy was ignoring your messages, but now is refusing to let you break up with him near his birthday?  Pffft.  I suggest you ignore his messages

[NuevoYorko]

Well on the upside, if there is one, you are long distance and not really physically in each others' lives.  You've been distant and he's been ignoring you.  So there is probably little to no difference between being together and being broken up.

Still I hope that you will follow the sensible advice given here:  Block him and delete contact info once the "magic date" of Friday comes so you don't need to be bothered with this  anymore.

[stillafool]

Yes go ahead and break up with him now.  There's no good reason to wait until Friday.

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, julia___ said:

okay, so will it be better for you if we break up at the end of this week?" ans he said "it would be better for me" so now we are still together until friday.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but this is pointlessly silly. 

It changes nothing if you break up with him now or Friday. I think you both need to put on your Big-Kid Pants about this and just end it. 

[smackie9]

You shouldn't give a flim-flam about his bloody birthday. Your relationship is over so let it be over. Spare his feelings for what? He's not giving you any care towards your feelings.