Haven't officially met her.

[Alan]

She is a single mother. We both seem to be interested in each other. But she has her teacher job and has been through bankruptcy. She said her ex had accused her of child abuse and  neglect.  She told me she is going broke due to her ex using legal abuse on her. I was sorry to hear that. Told her I'm not into drama. That I want us to be really in love. She talked with me about marriage and how we are a good match. I thought we were going to talk by phone the other night. I thought she had ghosted me. We been texting. We messaged each other on the dating app the first day. I gave her my number. So we been texting since. She wants to get a place together. I'm open to a life with her. I been single. Never married. No children. She isn't able to have children naturally. But it was nice she has to embryos left and wants me to father our children. Her ex lived off her and didn't work. I understand her concerns. I am not ambitious. I have low back issues.  Were trying to make a first meet date.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, Alan said:

.  She told me she is going broke due to her ex using legal abuse on her.. I thought we were going to talk by phone the other night.. We been texting. .  Were trying to make a first meet date.

How long have you been texting? How far away is she? Anyone who won't meet in a timely manner is a red flag. This could be a catfish, scammer or just a timewaster. It's a red flag that she's giving you a financial sob story. Please don't give out any personal information or send money. 

Please read up on romance scams:

https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2023/02/romance-scammers-favorite-lies-exposed

[Alan]

It's been 3 days now. She lives like 24 miles away from me. She didn't talk to me last night. It seemed she blew me off. She said she has a lease for three years. But I did see another profile of hers.  I don't know how a teacher could go broke. I will be careful. I have run into scammers in the past. I know most of their tactics. This one seemed sincere.  Usually the ones I meet ask for gift card codes or ask for pictures to trade. This one seemed desperate to move into a condo or house. She said she would pay half. If I paid other half. I've been smart and never give money or private things. I had a friend that was stupid and gave money. I even warned her. 

[Alan]

I've never known scammers to send pics of their kids like this one has. I wonder if it is a catfish. If we don't meet within a week I'm guessing she is a flake?

[basil67]

I hate to say, but she sounds out of control.   All these plans she's got with you and the two of you have never met!  Well balanced, sensible people do not do this.   And I'll lay money that there's two very different sides to how her marriage ended.

I would advise you to walk away.   But at the very least, you need to shut down all this future talk and focus on simply getting to know each other.  

[Wiseman2]

16 minutes ago, Alan said:

I've never known scammers to send pics of their kids like this one has. I wonder if it is a catfish. If we don't meet within a week I'm guessing she is a flake?

Anyone can send faux photos, most likely to elicit sympathy when she sets you up to ask for money. Same reason she won't talk on the phone. . Her story sounds outrageous and fictional. Do yourself a favor and cut your losses. 

[Gaeta]

People not into drama do not get involved with women with THAT much drama. 

Seriously, run the other way. Why in the world a man would get involved with a woman like that is beyond me!!

[Weezy1973]

To be clear, you’re considering marriage and fathering her embryos after 3 days of texting?

I’m sure you’re lonely which is why you’re even considering this. But honestly you’ll be making your situation so much worse if you pursue this any further. Block and delete.

[d0nnivain]

2 hours ago, Alan said:

 I wonder if it is a catfish. If we don't meet within a week I'm guessing she is a flake?

Ya think?  🙄

Good gracious.  How daft are you?  She's an unfit mother.  She has lousy boundaries.  No sane person sends picture of their kids to a stranger they "met" on the internet.  No healthy person discusses marriage, kids or living together with somebody they have never actually met; even after a month or two of good dates & great sex those subjects are too far into the future. 

You said you don't like drama.  This nut job is ALL drama.  

Even if she is real (not a catfish) she's looking for a meal ticket.  She's not going to be happy with a $100 in gift cards.  She wants a condo & wants you to pay for it.  

[Alan]

Thank you all for this info. I haven't had a lot of experience. It does seem she has lap in her texting me. Avoiding certain questions or long pauses to answer. 

 

I agree sounds like time to move on. I've tried to get to know her. But she just isn't enthusiastic about it. Maybe she is selling the same story to others.

 

I've tried other dating Apps but no success.  Maybe being single isn't so bad. 

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, Alan said:

I've tried other dating Apps but no success.  Maybe being single isn't so bad. 

I've met many men on dating apps that had their life on track. 

It's worrisome that you would still be interest in pursuing her if she shown interest.

You don't need dating experience to recognize a lunatic woman when you come across one.

[Wiseman2]

14 minutes ago, Alan said:

 I ve tried other dating Apps but no success.  

Please get a good profile and pics on quality PAID dating apps. Paid apps require at least a credit card and some of the higher quality ones require photo proof of ID., some do background checks. They also offer better screening and matching tools and tend to have more serious daters. 

Unfortunately you're not going to feel successful when you are wasting time on obvious scammers catfish and timewasters. Please reflect why you are even engaging in this. 

Perhaps you're just lonely or looking for amusement, but it's unclear why you would even bother with trainwrecks like this (even though it sounds like BS anyway).

Keep in mind the profile pics of these scammers are fake as well, so please don't get drawn in by that.

Edited November 30, 2023 by Wiseman2

[d0nnivain]

Yes you should move on from her.  

Dating apps are but ONE tool in the quest to meet somebody.  What real life in person options do you have?  I recommend getting involved with groups that do things you like / care about in order to get to know people.  You will also avoid catfishes that way. 

 

[Alan]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Please get a good profile and pics on quality PAID dating apps. Paid apps require at least a credit card and some of the higher quality ones require photo proof of ID., some do background checks. They also offer better screening and matching tools and tend to have more serious daters. 

Unfortunately you're not going to feel successful when you are wasting time on obvious scammers catfish and timewasters. Please reflect why you are even engaging in this. 

Perhaps you're just lonely or looking for amusement, but it's unclear why you would even bother with trainwrecks like this (even though it sounds like BS anyway).

Keep in mind the profile pics of these scammers are fake as well, so please don't get drawn in by that.

But paid Apps have scammers too. I always looked at paid Apps as the opposite. As in the paid  dating Apps were crooks only after money. So I wouldn't waste my money. I could buy a steak dinner and eggs than spend 

 

But  Dooniviono had made a good suggestion of trying local groups. Like today I met a woman older than me. I cheered her up by telling she was beautiful. And I asked if she was single. I didn't have any paper or pen to give her my number. She was a local and a senior. I made her day and that made me feel good 

 

I have had many one night stands in the past. I was part of groups like church but that got hard to date because of restrictions and things. 

I did once hook up with a resident at my complex. We both had a mutual connection. It didn't work out. I still feel at times I should have kept dating her. But she has HIV. I was afraid to get it. There were days we could not kiss because of her bumps that appeared. I do think about her. She is same age as the drama lady I recently me ( 50s). Her friends do drugs and that is why I had to break away. She didn't do them. That I know. 

But I guess I can wait till spring again and go walk or ride a bike in the park and meet a lady that way. 

[Kassieee]

Stay off dating apps.

Meet women in real life settings. You won't have to worry about catfish.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Alan said:

 I have had many one night stands in the past. I was part of groups like church but that got hard to date because of restrictions and things. 

Are you looking for a relationship or just something casual?  You can use dating apps in addition to joining some groups and clubs, volunteering, taking some classes and courses, getting involved in sports and fitness and broadening your social horizons having fun with like minded people and meeting and talking to women. 

[glows]

Hey avoid this woman please. No condo and no embryos. Join local interest groups. Chatting up random people at a park might be weird depending where you are. That’s not exactly socially acceptable these days.

[Alan]

Well I think everyone here has given good points to think about. 

 

I would like a lasting relationship.  But most ladies I run into are married, already have someone. I'm a big guy so most woman aren't into me. Most of the ladies I've noticed in my area like guys on drugs.  They seem like sweet ladies. But then you see the guys they hang out with are the dull and quiet ones and real of marijuana.

Where I live there seems to be lots of pretty females that have come from other countries.  The Ukraine ladies are beautiful and fit here. They don't speak English most of them. I did like a Colombian lady at the working the register. Sadly she didn't know English. 

 It was easier to meet ladies in the south. I'm living near Wisconsin where people aren't as friendly. 

[Alan]

 I don't have the looks or ambition most women want. Maybe a visit to the gentlemen's club would be fun. I've never been to one of them places. I've heard single guys met women that way. Someone suggested a bar once to meet one. I don't drink. I've read about fights at bars, etc. 

I'm in no rush to meet anyone. But would hope to connect with someone that values life and is friendly. 

I tried to get with a lady for years that called me her brother. She seemed more like the wifey type to me because she told me she loved me. And I just was puzzled why she didn't want intimacy with me. She stated bad mouthing me, talking bad about my parents she never met or knew. Always was nasty in her behavior and words towards me. Then she would be sweet and kind and buy me lunch. She told me we would be forever brother and sister. She would then call me names and bash my culture because I would speak about things in her culture that were deceitful. I was going to add this to a new post but thought this would work. This lady would never listen to my advice and she would give all her money to scammers online ( over $500) than offer me a ride as a friend to a doctor appointment. I drove her around to stores, etc before she had a car. I tried to be a good friend but wanted a relationship. She just would keep saying thing to turn me off or make me jealous. I finally had enough of her and blocked her. We kept in touch for three years. It was like a twisted romance lol. I guess I was lonely and she sort of gave me excitement lol

[Alan]

3 minutes ago, Alan said:

 I don't have the looks or ambition most women want. Maybe a visit to the gentlemen's club would be fun. I've never been to one of them places. I've heard single guys met women that way. Someone suggested a bar once to meet one. I don't drink. I've read about fights at bars, etc. 

I'm in no rush to meet anyone. But would hope to connect with someone that values life and is friendly. 

I tried to get with a lady for years that called me her brother. She seemed more like the wifey type to me because she told me she loved me. And I just was puzzled why she didn't want intimacy with me. She stated bad mouthing me, talking bad about my parents she never met or knew. Always was nasty in her behavior and words towards me. Then she would be sweet and kind and buy me lunch. She told me we would be forever brother and sister. She would then call me names and bash my culture because I would speak about things in her culture that were deceitful. I was going to add this to a new post but thought this would work. This lady would never listen to my advice and she would give all her money to scammers online ( over $500) than offer me a ride as a friend to a doctor appointment. I drove her around to stores, etc before she had a car. I tried to be a good friend but wanted a relationship. She just would keep saying thing to turn me off or make me jealous. I finally had enough of her and blocked her. We kept in touch for three years. It was like a twisted romance lol. I guess I was lonely and she sort of gave me excitement lol

I couldn't edit for some reason. She argued a lot of petty, stupid things is why I would think of her as the wifey type lol

[d0nnivain]

Alan 

You have some skewed views about relationships. You are aware not to give people money, so that's good.  Let me clue you in about a few things: 

1.  If someone calls you their "brother" they have friendzoned you.  That means they like you but not in a romantic way.  The minute you hear a phrase like that, give up. 

2.  Someone who argues with you about petty things is not "the wifey type".  Marriage is not a prison.  In a good marriage your spouse is your BFF, your lover, your source of emotional support, not some burden. 

3.  No one likes someone with zero ambition.  You don't have to set the world on fire but there should be things you are passionate about & you need to take pride in yourself & your work. 

4.  I live outside NYC.  I can't imagine people in the mid-west being as unfriendly as you claim.  Maybe it's you.  Try being nicer, more helpful, more interested in people.  

5.  Yes you can get catfished / scammed on the paid sites & those sites are there to make money but if you look you can find a coupon.  Back in the day I think I paid $50 or something for 90 days of E Harmony; I used a coupon code I found on the internet & saved like $300.  To me, the most expensive site out there where you had to spend 4+ hours filling out that stupid questionnaire was a better bet than some free site where it too 10 minutes to throw up a profile.  It felt more like the other person was invested too since they went through all that trouble. Although I didn't meet the love of my life,  the few men I did meet were quality, well educated individuals.   Overall the site had problems & oh how they pestered me to come back & pay more money when my time was up.  That was annoying.  Every time they sent me messages saying I had new matches or somebody wanted to meet me, I felt bad.  I wasn't going back or parting with more money but I also know somebody out there reached out but then felt rejected when I didn't respond, because I couldn't.  In that way the system artificially boosted its numbers.  

6.  Don't wait until spring to go walking & meet somebody. Use the internet to find a local walking / hiking club.  Find a local meet up that interests you.  Stroll through a book store.  See who's at the mall.  Become a regular at a local coffee house or corner pub.  I'm not suggesting you become a drunk or date a partier but if you stop in for a drink on a Friday who knows who you might meet.  Cheer on the local HS team.  Volunteer somewhere like the local FD, the Elks, the Moose, the Kiwanis etc.  All of those groups are more than old men's drinking clubs; they all do a lot for the community.   Take or teach a continuing education class about cooking, sewing, finances, basic home repair, auto maintenance, ballroom dance, drawing etc.    Just do something that has people in it.  Get a hobby. 

7.  You say you are a big guy.  Does that mean you are tall or overweight?  If the latter, address that health issue.  You may meet somebody at a gym or through WW / Jenny Craig etc.  

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Alan said:

 I don't have the looks or ambition most women want. Maybe a visit to the gentlemen's club would be fun. I'm in no rush to meet anyone. 

It seems like you're just looking for some company. That's ok. You can still do that by joining some types of groups. As far as scammers, sex workers, escorts, trying to pick up random women, etc.,  it's probably better to steer clear. 

[Alan]

16 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Alan 

You have some skewed views about relationships. You are aware not to give people money, so that's good.  Let me clue you in about a few things: 

1.  If someone calls you their "brother" they have friendzoned you.  That means they like you but not in a romantic way.  The minute you hear a phrase like that, give up. 

2.  Someone who argues with you about petty things is not "the wifey type".  Marriage is not a prison.  In a good marriage your spouse is your BFF, your lover, your source of emotional support, not some burden. 

3.  No one likes someone with zero ambition.  You don't have to set the world on fire but there should be things you are passionate about & you need to take pride in yourself & your work. 

4.  I live outside NYC.  I can't imagine people in the mid-west being as unfriendly as you claim.  Maybe it's you.  Try being nicer, more helpful, more interested in people.  

5.  Yes you can get catfished / scammed on the paid sites & those sites are there to make money but if you look you can find a coupon.  Back in the day I think I paid $50 or something for 90 days of E Harmony; I used a coupon code I found on the internet & saved like $300.  To me, the most expensive site out there where you had to spend 4+ hours filling out that stupid questionnaire was a better bet than some free site where it too 10 minutes to throw up a profile.  It felt more like the other person was invested too since they went through all that trouble. Although I didn't meet the love of my life,  the few men I did meet were quality, well educated individuals.   Overall the site had problems & oh how they pestered me to come back & pay more money when my time was up.  That was annoying.  Every time they sent me messages saying I had new matches or somebody wanted to meet me, I felt bad.  I wasn't going back or parting with more money but I also know somebody out there reached out but then felt rejected when I didn't respond, because I couldn't.  In that way the system artificially boosted its numbers.  

6.  Don't wait until spring to go walking & meet somebody. Use the internet to find a local walking / hiking club.  Find a local meet up that interests you.  Stroll through a book store.  See who's at the mall.  Become a regular at a local coffee house or corner pub.  I'm not suggesting you become a drunk or date a partier but if you stop in for a drink on a Friday who knows who you might meet.  Cheer on the local HS team.  Volunteer somewhere like the local FD, the Elks, the Moose, the Kiwanis etc.  All of those groups are more than old men's drinking clubs; they all do a lot for the community.   Take or teach a continuing education class about cooking, sewing, finances, basic home repair, auto maintenance, ballroom dance, drawing etc.    Just do something that has people in it.  Get a hobby. 

7.  You say you are a big guy.  Does that mean you are tall or overweight?  If the latter, address that health issue.  You may meet somebody at a gym or through WW / Jenny Craig etc.  

I've tried to connect with ladies online. I do go to the gym. Not often. It is kinda motivating to see ladies in tight yoga pants lol. They mostly have guys with them or show no interest in talking to other guys there. I'm a friendly guy. Sometimes it's when I'm at store or somewhere else that a woman smokes or says hello. But they could be just friendly. 

 

I tried a bbw dating app and currently use Bumble a popular dating app. Bumble has a weekly speed date to meet people all over my area. Sometimes only a couple of ladies match with me. Then they unmatched after I ask questions. A few even complained they can't meet anyone on there. Which I agreed. I'm not desperate. But would like some company. Who doesn't ? 

[Alan]

Even to make a friend in my own apartment complex. Just a friend is hard to make these days. But I try to be optimistic. Yes I will steer clear of those things that are illegal etc. Most of my neighbors show signs they have addictions. And I avoid them. I just want to have intellectual friends sometimes but seemed easier to find like ten years ago. 

[Alan]

Glad I'm not this dude. I did try that site out. The paid features made me flee that site for good. Probably hookers on there likely 

 

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