Need some input

[mark clemson]

A good relationship has to be based on what's reasonable and ultimately acceptable for both partners. There is such a thing as ensuring you are having your own needs met (and indeed that's important) but that doesn't entail one one partner simply dictating to the other partner what they want without consideration and willingness to make reasonable compromises.

I guess it's nice for him that he can go out and find a new partner readily and all, but one must wonder how long a new person would stay if he's just going to be a douchebag towards them.

Overall he doesn't sounds like a nice partner to me.

[basil67]

On 12/2/2023 at 12:07 AM, Nessavan said:

So my bf has always wanted to live together and says the distance is straining our relationship and is what's making him unhappy in the relationship but that he's happy with me. He used to talk about it all the time and tell me he wanted to provide a place for me and was excited about it and hopeful even when it was a little early for me. Now after 3 years he's mentioning how everything is a risk and how we don't even know if we will like living with each other. He says he wants to get the apartment and have me stay over then slowly move in because right now I don't know if I'll be able to deal with his living habits, etc. I said how it just sounded negative and like he already thinks it won't work and he said no, it's wisdom. Am I crazy or does it sound like he just is trying to scare me away at this point? I've mentioned leaving numerous times because this kind of stuff keeps happening and he's very different towards me but he swears he loves me and wants to be with me. He keeps telling me things that are concerning that he never mentioned before. He kind of just has the attitude of "take me or leave me" sometimes. When I talk about the relationship he keeps saying nothing in life is guaranteed and that he's trying. He used to always be sure we'd be together and was borderline obsessed with me. His tone isn't even convincing when he answers things I ask about us. When he was complaining about how hard it is financially to save for an apartment and furniture and everything I reminded him that I'm saving money too and he said he wants me to save for myself not to help with us living together. He said he wants to get the apartment and the lease on his own. It just seems like he doesn't want it to be easier and he wants it to take longer so he has a reason to leave because he says he is unhappy because of the circumstances. I feel like he doesn't care if he loses me and I'm over here grasping on to him for dear life. I'm so confused and sick.

Serious question:  Why are you still with him?   

(if your response is that it's because you love him, think about what makes him so lovable?  What positives does he add to your life?)

[BaileyB]

On 11/26/2023 at 4:18 PM, Nessavan said:

I understand his frustration because he says the men I his family have genes that make him need to be physical all the time. They were all players but he's controlling himself so that he doesn't cheat on me and he's holding out for me because he wants the relationship to work but he doesn't know how long he can wait.

You shouldn’t be so understanding, this is not normal. A man who loves a woman does not say this. Nor is it normal for a man to expect sex four times a day. 

 

On 11/26/2023 at 4:18 PM, Nessavan said:

How would you feel if your boyfriend told you that he didn't know if he was going to stay with you or not but he will try and that's the best he can do?

I would feel pretty insecure in the relationship which is one of the reasons why I would end it. The other would be because I would not tolerate this from my partner. I would not chose this relationship for myself. 

As others have said, he sounds like a total jerk. Is there nobody else for you to date? Is this man, who basically tells you that he is going to cheat and blames you for it really the best you can do? 

Edited December 3, 2023 by BaileyB