Ghosted?

[Tiddytok5]

I recently had sex with someone who's been telling me that he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend for months. His communication and effort was consistent and daily until we had sex 4 days ago.

 

 

I haven't heard from him in 4 days. Have I been used and ghosted?

 

I reached out to him today and asked him if everything was okay and I wanted to know what he may think, feel or be experiencing now. It's 10pm and I haven't heard from him at all today.

[MsJayne]

That's not very nice of him, I feel for you. Unless he's lost his 'phone or had his hands chopped off, after months of daily communication, what he's doing is very cruel. May I ask how you know this guy? Is he someone in your circle of friends? 

[Tiddytok5]

He is physically fine and is living still. His phone is fine and in his possession.  He lives close and he passes my home on his way to and from work. 

 

I have seen him from my window 5 minutes ago, phone in hand..ear buds in listening to music. 

[MsJayne]

1 minute ago, Tiddytok5 said:

He is physically fine and is living still. His phone is fine and in his possession.  He lives close and he passes my home on his way to and from work. 

 

I have seen him from my window 5 minutes ago, phone in hand..ear buds in listening to music. 

OK, so it does sound like he's groomed you for months and then ghosted you. How did you meet this a*****e? 

[Alpacalia]

A four-day silence after such an intimate encounter is not a good sign. 

[Tiddytok5]

19 minutes ago, MsJayne said:

OK, so it does sound like he's groomed you for months and then ghosted you. How did you meet this a*****e? 

He lives close by..moved in last year introduced himself when he moved in.. have been communicating with him ever since.

Edited December 1, 2023 by Tiddytok5

[MsJayne]

Well, there's not really a lot you can do. Except that when he contacts you again, (which he will when he feels like sex), don't be available, and point out to him the horrible way he's behaved, then cut him loose forever. There's no excuse for leading you on just so he could have sex with you. 

[smackie9]

You were just texting all this time? What about him taking you out on dates? If he wasn't wining and dining you, and only whispering sweet nothings in your ear, all he wanted was to shag you...so yup he's gone. 

[Tiddytok5]

We enjoyed each other's company outside and indoors as well. We weren't rushing sex. 4 days ago was our first time together. 

 

He finally communicated with me. Allegedly, his insecurities prevented him from reaching out. He said he has been wrestling with them once he left...the wheels in his mind started turning..

 

He doesn't feel like he's an adaquate lover and able to satisfy women sexually. He feels his size is below average and due to this he feels less of a man. He said it has always  bothered him his entire life.

He said it makes him feel like an incomplete person and man. He said that every woman he has been in a relationship has been unfaithful and has left him for other men. He feels like this was the reasoning. He feels like he is disabled.

He said he has been trying to work on accepting it, but he can't and it makes him depressed that he can't fix it...as although there is surgery, pills, and other things, he said he would never do that, because those aren't fixes, but gimmicks.  He said he wasn't naturally born with it or evolved biologically..therefore, nothing artificial or deemed assistance would never fix anything.  It would make things worse.

Sadly, it may be best to cut ties with him... there isn't anything a woman can do for a man with these types of insecurities. It will bother him for the rest of his life. No reassure or anything from a woman will ever do anything positive for him.

 

He will always feel a woman is lying about being satisfied, will always compare himself to other men, will always think her previous lovers were better and she will cheat or leave him, he will never feel comfortable, secure, and confident in any relationship. He will always think a woman is with him for financial gain or other things besides genuinely wanting him.

He will probably always take on an accusatory dynamic with any woman he is with. Probably always accuse her of cheating,  thinking about cheating, thinking of other men, he will never trust her. 

 

 

I don't want to go through that with anybody. 

 

I feel like he is being honest.

I can tell something was weighing him down. He blurted out to me and asked if I had been satisfied after. I told him the truth which was yes..but he has retreated again.

Edited December 2, 2023 by Tiddytok5

[glows]

Did you notice anything different or unusual about his anatomy? Regarding his insecurities you’re absolutely correct. Don’t try to make up for someone else’s issues.

[Tiddytok5]

1 minute ago, glows said:

Did you notice anything different or unusual about his anatomy? Regarding his insecurities you’re absolutely correct. Don’t try to make up for someone else’s issues.

No. It was of average size. 

[Alpacalia]

C'mon, this is bologna. This is so radonculous. Does he really expect you to go "Aw" and run to him because he has issues he isn't going to even try to work out. Are you supposed to try endlessly to convince him he's good enough?

[glows]

7 minutes ago, Tiddytok5 said:

No. It was of average size. 

I’d take it at face value then. He has major body image issues or he just lost interest dating you. His comment about all his exes cheating on him sounds odd and makes one think that there’s something much more under the surface there. It may not be his anatomy or being too small but his obsession with size and insecurity that pushed his previous partner away. You don’t know if he has a porn addiction issue either or as unrealistic expectations of women and their bodies too. His response is a bit thanks but no thanks. Not going to bother delving too deep down that route. 

Onwards. 

[Wiseman2]

30 minutes ago, Tiddytok5 said:

He  finally communicated with me. Allegedly, his insecurities prevented him from reaching out.  I don't want to go through that with anybody. 

Sorry this happened. It's good he got back to you. Unfortunately it seems he has some major issues and it's understandable you don't want to go through that. Agree, it's probably better to cut your losses. 

[Tiddytok5]

Truth or falsehoods, I'm not buying what he's selling..anymore.

 

I ended things.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Tiddytok5 said:

Truth or falsehoods, I'm not buying what he's selling..anymore.

 

I ended things.

It's really for the best. It's one thing if he came to you ahead of time and shared these vulnerabilities. You did the right thing ending things. You want to be with someone confident, if he feels inadequate, he could of always communicated that. Secondly, you don't even know if what he is telling you is true or if this is some twisted tale so you'll feel sorry for him and he can keep you on the hook.

Sometimes people change their minds. And sometimes people change their minds without warning.

As awful as this was, please don't let this 1 experience jade you. They aren't all like that.

[basil67]

This thread is completely at odds with what you wrote on your other post.  In that post, you said that you felt pressured, you disliked sex, you cried and feel dirty and unclean.  In this post, you say he's been wanting you to be his girlfriend and that his communication was consistent.....nothing about bad sex or shame or feeling dirty.

He is concerned about women lying about feeling satisfied with him.....and given what you wrote about this encounter 4 days ago, if you did tell him you enjoyed it, then it was clearly a lie....so he's actually got a point.   

 

 

 

Edited December 2, 2023 by basil67

[NuevoYorko]

You dislike sex and he has a lot of serious hangups about sex.  Now you two went and had sex.  Predictably it brought up bad feelings in both of you.  I'm sorry about that.  But clearly, though you have sex issues in common, you are incompatible.  

If you'd like to have a healthy relationship with someone in your future life, you probably would be well advised to consider therapy to get to the bottom of your strong negative feelings about sex.  Sex is a part of most relationships and important to many people.  Yes, you might find someone who dislikes it like you do.  Unfortunately, there is probably a lot of baggage that comes with those feelings which are likely to stand in your way of getting close even if you both hate sex.  

So please consider exploring that with a professional.

 

[Gaeta]

You don't like sex and he's too insecure to have sex so you're like the perfect match. Be together and don't have sex. 

[stillafool]

I think his excuse for not contacting you after sex was baloney and said those things about his penis in hopes of turning you off because he doesn't want you as his gf.

[ExpatInItaly]

15 hours ago, Tiddytok5 said:

He blurted out to me and asked if I had been satisfied after. I told him the truth which was yes.

Huh? 

Your other thread reveals you didn't like it at all. 

[Alvi]

Sounds to me like neither of you enjoyed the sex. You  even felt disguised, ashamed and horrified.  Wonder how he really felt and why he came up with such elaborate lie to weasel out of whatever he ha going with you. So, you even want him may I ask? And if so, why?

[stillafool]

18 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Huh? 

Your other thread reveals you didn't like it at all. 

Why do you continue to contradict yourself here?

[mortensorchid]

Just move on.  It hurts, it was inconsiderate of him to have just blown you off after sex like he did.  I was there once myself - I met this guy in the MySpace days, we went out a few times.  After a few weeks, we had sex.  The next day I get a message from him through MySpace saying he was confused and he was going to see his ex girlfriend tonight.  He said he wasn't that ready for a relationship now.  That was horrible to read that.  I never heard from him again afterwards.  It hurt, but I wasn't going to be a clingy female trying to make myself known or seen by him or anyone else.  That was 20 some years ago now, I don't remember his last name anymore.  Chances are you won't either someday.  

It was cruel of him, but don't spend so much time analyzing it.  Move on. 

 

[Ami1uwant]

Insecurity…BS. You were a conquest. Now he moves on.

 

he comes back when he wants sex.