Handling Post-Separation Challenges – Financial Decisions and Co-Parenting

[Origin]

Hello Love Shack community,

About a year ago, I turned to this forum during a difficult time after discovering my partner’s infidelity. Since then, I’ve moved out, but I’m struggling with some critical decisions and would value your perspectives.

After the infidelity came to light, I continued living with my partner, hoping she would take accountability, but that never happened. Recently, I moved into a friend’s spare room. My current dilemma revolves around the family home (we’re both on the mortgage) and the financial decisions ahead. My ex-partner, primarily a stay-at-home mom, cannot afford the mortgage on her own but is resistant to selling the house. I’m considering a forced partition, but I’m wary of the conflict it might create.

Additionally, I’ve been visiting my children every day since moving out. I’m starting to wonder if this is sustainable or if it’s creating more confusion for them. I’m deeply committed to my kids (a daughter and two boys who see me as their dad) and want to ensure I’m making the right choices for their well-being.

I’m at a crossroads about involving the state for child support, selling the house, and how to best navigate co-parenting under these circumstances. If anyone has been in a similar situation, your advice would be incredibly helpful:

    •    Should I involve the state for a formal child support arrangement, or try to handle it informally?
    •    Is selling the house through forced partition the right move, or should I look for other solutions?
    •    Are my daily visits to the kids helping or hindering our adjustment to this new situation?

I’m hoping to hear from those who have navigated similar paths. Any insights into managing these financial, legal, and emotional challenges while prioritizing my children’s needs would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance for your support and guidance.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, Origin said:

Should I involve the state for a formal child support arrangement, or try to handle it informally? Is selling the house through forced partition the right move, or should I look for other solutions? Are my daily visits to the kids helping or hindering our adjustment to this new situation?

Sorry this is happening. Are you legally married? Please consult an attorney for information support and advice on your situation, especially with child support/visitation and any joint assets and finances.  Especially ask about the wisdom of abandoning a home you co-own. 

It's great you're a hands on father. How old the children? It's good for them to see you, but confusing for you to be at your house everyday then camp out in someone's spare room. Please don't wait for a confession or contrition from her. Unfortunately she'll have to get a job and start supporting herself.

[Origin]

8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. Are you legally married? Please consult an attorney for information support and advice on your situation, especially with child support/visitation and any joint assets and finances.  Especially ask about the wisdom of abandoning a home you co-own. 

It's great you're a hands on father. How old the children? It's good for them to see you, but confusing for you to be at your house everyday then camp out in someone's spare room. Please don't wait for a confession or contrition from her. Unfortunately she'll have to get a job and start supporting herself.

Thank you for your reply and advice. To clarify, we are not legally married. I made the decision to leave the house about a month ago due to the unhealthy dynamics of our relationship. By January, it will be two months since I moved out, and I have been asking her to refinance or sell the house since then.

I do visit daily to spend time with my children. My daughter, who is 5 years old, sometimes asks me to stay and sleep over, and it’s often hard for me to say no to her. The boys are between 8 and 10 years old.

It’s indeed a challenging situation, and I’m trying to balance being a hands-on father while navigating this personal upheaval. She has been somewhat passive-aggressive lately(micro aggressive comments), but I’ve learned not to get dragged into the drama. 

[glows]

You’re still common law under many jurisdictions if you’ve lived together more than 2 years and you co own that property. Please seek legal advice. Unfortunately this forum is not permitted to give out specific legal or financial advice regarding your separation. You may have moved out thinking your ex will continue to respect your wishes on how to manage your shared finances and properties but usually communication starts to break down and it’s less than ideal. Please don’t be naive. You couldn’t agree as a married couple; what makes you think you’ll agree on finances or the family home or coparenting separated? 

Some couples choose to live under the same roof even though they’re separated. It’s what’s best for their family.