OLD: what works for you?

[Wiseman2]

40 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

my question: what works for you? 

Honesty. Posting accurate recent pics and an accurate profile with your profession, some interests and hobbies. However if you are just lurking to test which "version" of a profile gets matches and aren't messaging women, or interested in meeting anyone, obviously that won't get you a date.

[ZA Dater]

2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Honesty. Posting accurate recent pics and an accurate profile with your profession, some interests and hobbies. However if you are just lurking to test which "version" of a profile gets matches and aren't messaging women, or interested in meeting anyone, obviously that won't get you a date.

I have done that and the results were not so great. I'd be happy with whatever version got me attractive matches, that is the bottom line and I'd be surprised if many people did not think the same way.

 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I'd be happy with whatever version got me attractive matches, that is the bottom line and I'd be surprised if many people did not think the same way.

 

Well many people want meaningful relationships so no, this wouldn’t work. 
 

For all your talk of self-improvement it seems like you’ve actually fallen right back into your same, comfortable thought patterns. This foray into OLD doesn’t seem to have much point to it. I suspect it’s just a reaction to your most recent attempt with the woman in your previous thread which didn’t pan out. 

Edited December 4, 2023 by Weezy1973

[Alpacalia]

2 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

The pictures are mine and I alternate them and I change hobbies on Tinder. I have a hobby thanks very much, simply put its not one where I will ever find someone single or for that matter any lady remotely interested in it. 

In fact the only reason I am bothering to try OLD again is its holidays season and I would be nice to take someone attractive to dinner, call it a feel good for me. Unfortunately the current matches I have do not really tick that box. As for innocent people, not sure about that, I have met ladies who do a great trade on going for free dinners with men and likewise I know men who bed hop with relative ease on Tinder. Again I suppose it depends on the fundamentals of the person.

Do people go there looking for legitimate relationships, I am sure some do, heck I have had a few figuratively fall over their feet trying to charm me.

Undoubtedly a bikini pictures helps some, much like a six pack gym pic helps others. Then again great locations and luxury have never really helped me neither has showing a modicum of intelligence. Yes, I need to watch my vocab on dates, keep it simple!

Hence my question: what works for you? 

Maybe the ladies you're referring to are ones that just weren't interested? But yeah, there are women out there that only join for the free meals - I'm not denying that.

But it's likely that if this has been your common experience with women, it could say more about your approach on using the app/social cues in real life than their idea to accept a date with you for the wrong reasons.

You're still thinking it's okay to do your little "experiments" and intentionally reinforcing it, as if it's something everyone does it or that it's something socially normal or accepted is not better than the women who may or may not use the app for free meals. No wonder why there isn't any success with finding legit relationships with the attitude you seem to carry about - and for what it's worth, I don't think you're a bad person! You just need some tweaking.

But when you're offsetting the initial dating process - fishing for a woman who basically needs to over perform for you, not allowing people to get to know who you are but then being put on the spot to compensate for their differences instead, being cool with flirting (and them being confused why because they're not interested), or using an app for a holiday fling to where the initial conversation starts off with something seen as shallow/derogatory comments that has become normalized enough for some people to label it "innocent" kind of says a lot.

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

I have done that and the results were not so great. 

Being honest and sincere is a good approach. But trying out "versions" of profiles for attention hasn't worked either and well, catfishing on dating apps got you banned from them. So maybe decide what you would like to accomplish other than browsing and testing. 

[basil67]

@ZA Dater if you're just window shopping, why does it matter what pictures you put up or what your profile consists of?   

[Foxhall]

 

I used to generate interest from women on the basis my profile mentioned I had studies herbal medicine and used alternative health therapies,

that funnily enough sparked a lot of interest, it was the only thing differentiated me to some extent,

Perhaps Im wrong  but I would have thought that photos are maybe less important as a person gets to around the 40 mark, sure enough looks are everything to a younger clientele , but once you get past a certain age do they matter that much especially for a man,

If he can portray himself as clean living and in good shape most women will be satisfied with that- again I mean at an age of 40 plus.

Leaving that aside, at our age now, if Im asking myself how would I attract a hot younger woman- being honest I will have no chance with a successful type of single attractive woman who has a lot of independence and confidence,

I am going to need to meet someone who I can do something for, by meeting me I can offer this perspective lady something that will enhance her life,

circumstances can throw up unlikely encounters,

for example where I am there are now a lot of pretty younger ukrainians living in far from ideal situations- sharing a room with a gang of other people/no privacy etc and looking for a way out of that,

I do have opportunities to meet some of these through some work situations and without even trying I have got the sense on a few occasions some of these ladies would be quite happy to get to know me better if you know what I mean, 

as I allude above, I am a limited enough guy but I am a clean living sort and I can give them some security or whatever or even a chance at a better life,

so in the theme of the thread, what works for me or what potentially would work for me in terms of getting to what you are asking ,well I think I have described it, you need to find someone who has a certain vulnerability.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

One thing I've heard with OLD is that a lot of people won't match with specific interests, but they may be swayed by a witty or funny bio. Humor goes a long way I think. You cannot take it too seriously and have realistic expectations. It's definitely a saturated market and it takes time and effort to find someone who is a good match.

I don't have much experience with OLD so can't speak to the specifics. But in general, I think it's good to freshen things up. Having said that, you want to attract people who are genuinely interested in you, not who you think you want to attract.

[ZA Dater]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

@ZA Dater if you're just window shopping, why does it matter what pictures you put up or what your profile consists of?   

Because it would be nice to take someone to dinner lunch over the holidays. As pathetic as that might sound. Of course that proviso is they are attractive and good company 

[ZA Dater]

12 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Well many people want meaningful relationships so no, this wouldn’t work. 
 

For all your talk of self-improvement it seems like you’ve actually fallen right back into your same, comfortable thought patterns. This foray into OLD doesn’t seem to have much point to it. I suspect it’s just a reaction to your most recent attempt with the woman in your previous thread which didn’t pan out. 

I am still working on the improvements hence re looking at OLD as it's my only real option to meet single people.

Whether I believe I can actually find what I am looking for, well that's a different matter.

[ZA Dater]

12 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Maybe the ladies you're referring to are ones that just weren't interested? But yeah, there are women out there that only join for the free meals - I'm not denying that.

But it's likely that if this has been your common experience with women, it could say more about your approach on using the app/social cues in real life than their idea to accept a date with you for the wrong reasons.

You're still thinking it's okay to do your little "experiments" and intentionally reinforcing it, as if it's something everyone does it or that it's something socially normal or accepted is not better than the women who may or may not use the app for free meals. No wonder why there isn't any success with finding legit relationships with the attitude you seem to carry about - and for what it's worth, I don't think you're a bad person! You just need some tweaking.

But when you're offsetting the initial dating process - fishing for a woman who basically needs to over perform for you, not allowing people to get to know who you are but then being put on the spot to compensate for their differences instead, being cool with flirting (and them being confused why because they're not interested), or using an app for a holiday fling to where the initial conversation starts off with something seen as shallow/derogatory comments that has become normalized enough for some people to label it "innocent" kind of says a lot.

I am just looking at ways to get people who are actually attractive to match with me, yes I agree personality and lack of compatibility may just make it a non starter but at least I'd be matching with attractive people. 

Sure point taken I can write bios but they have never made much difference but I'll try write better ones!

[Weezy1973]

10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I am just looking at ways to get people who are actually attractive to match with me…

Your choice of wording says a lot here. Most folks would say I’d like to match with people I find attractive - and fair enough. You instead say you want attractive people to match with you. If you can’t see the difference between those two statements, you still have a long way to go in challenging your own beliefs and biases. 

[ZA Dater]

10 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Your choice of wording says a lot here. Most folks would say I’d like to match with people I find attractive - and fair enough. You instead say you want attractive people to match with you. If you can’t see the difference between those two statements, you still have a long way to go in challenging your own beliefs and biases. 

Poor wording on my part. Or maybe I have been watching too many dating advice vids.

To be frank my record of matching with people I find attractive is pretty dismal.  Changing my profile does not really seem to have made much difference so far but I'll keep working at it. I suspect blunt honesty isn't a good idea for a bio.

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

 maybe I have been watching too many dating advice vids.To be frank my record of matching with people I find attractive is pretty dismal.  

That's highly likely, especially if you tend to gravitate toward manosphere based videos. You seem to think  using different versions of your profile and catfishing is going to magically make dating apps match you with supermodels. But you also seem to realize that it hasn't worked. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, ZA Dater said:

Poor wording on my part. Or maybe I have been watching too many dating advice vids.

 

It wasn’t the first time this thread you used the same wording. You’re objectifying women. You’re looking at them as a conquest of some sort. Like if an attractive woman matches you, that is a worthy goal to accomplish. It’s dehumanizing women to fulfill your own needs. 
 

When the narrative changes from that to looking for someone compatible, who shares some interests, where you enjoy spending time with each other etc. things may fall into place for you. But your hyper focus on the attractiveness of a woman just paints a picture of someone extraordinarily immature. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Weezy1973

[ZA Dater]

31 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

It wasn’t the first time this thread you used the same wording. You’re objectifying women. You’re looking at them as a conquest of some sort. Like if an attractive woman matches you, that is a worthy goal to accomplish. It’s dehumanizing women to fulfill your own needs. 
 

When the narrative changes from that to looking for someone compatible, who shares some interests, where you enjoy spending time with each other etc. things may fall into place for you. But your hyper focus on the attractiveness of a woman just paints a picture of someone extraordinarily immature. 

Someone is immediately incompatible if they are not attractive to me. They are also incompatible if they are poorly spoken. Notice what I did there. Frankly for me someone attractive gets my attention and I think this is true for most people. In the OLD context its how to find "mutual" attraction.

[ZA Dater]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's highly likely, especially if you tend to gravitate toward manosphere based videos. You seem to think  using different versions of your profile and catfishing is going to magically make dating apps match you with supermodels. But you also seem to realize that it hasn't worked. 

Frankly if their advice did not have merit people would not watch it so I think clearly for some it does work. As for different versions well its the easiest thing to change? What else do you suggest changing, pictures, hobbies and narrative are just about the only things which can be changed or am I missing something?

As for what seems to be the elephant in the room, yes I have met many very attractive people, just being attractive does not mean I enjoy spending time with them and in many instances I would not want to date them.

I deleted about 20 matches this morning, absolutely none of them were physically attractive and not compatible so I see no point in engaging at all. I suppose that is also wrong? 

All I am looking for is to match with people who are reasonably physically fit, do not have kids, have a career of sorts and can hold a decent conversation. I do not believe this asking too much but maybe it is.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I deleted about 20 matches this morning, absolutely none of them were physically attractive 

That's your choice and that's fine. So you are getting matches, you just don't like them and that's ok.. 

Edited December 5, 2023 by Wiseman2

[ZA Dater]

What I am going to do is try different pictures with different backgrounds, different bio and try to stick to some sort of generic hobbies because the further one steps away from the apparent norm the more niche means fewer likes.

I like the idea of maybe trying to mix the pictures up a bit.

[ZA Dater]

7 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

That's your choice and that's fine. So you are getting matches, you just don't like them and that's ok.. 

I do not match with many people, I know someone and she has probably 200-300 matches. This is why I do believe attraction is perhaps vital and for that you need to be attractive and have good pictures but what exactly good pictures are is difficult to discern. 

There are amusing encounters too, I did have someone last week who really really wanted to impress me but that level of desperation I find very unattractive. 

Look I think OLD is not a lot different to social media, people show they want people to see and that is usually what they define to be the best. I suppose we learn all the time but it would seem I have not learnt much from OLD!

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, ZA Dater said:

I think OLD is not a lot different to social media, 

It's not eBay or Amazon. It's not a luxury shopping app designed to deliver custom curated  profiles of women to you to appeal specifically to your whims or boost your ego. 

It's just people like yourself putting up a profile advertising they would like to meet someone.

Edited December 5, 2023 by Wiseman2

[ZA Dater]

45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not eBay or Amazon. It's not a luxury shopping app designed to deliver custom curated  profiles of women to you to appeal specifically to your whims or boost your ego. 

It's just people like yourself putting up a profile advertising they would like to meet someone.

Except there is some alogarithym where certain profiles are shown to certain people and not others. This I think is primarily why some catfish because better pictures get shown to better people hence "top picks".

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

I am just looking at ways to get people who are actually attractive to match with me, yes I agree personality and lack of compatibility may just make it a non starter but at least I'd be matching with attractive people. 

Sure point taken I can write bios but they have never made much difference but I'll try write better ones!

I'm not sure what advice you expect to receive or if anyone can help. I feel there is this sense of entitlement on your behalf to a certain demographic of women and you're going through pretty extreme lengths to "trick" the system just to match with them - doesn't seem like a healthy mindset to be in. You can't force a certain attraction level, whether it's physical or based on personality - it's just not going to work out in the long run.  

Edited December 5, 2023 by Alpacalia

[ZA Dater]

34 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I'm not sure what advice you expect to receive or if anyone can help. I feel there is this sense of entitlement on your behalf to a certain demographic of women and you're going through pretty extreme lengths to "trick" the system just to match with them - doesn't seem like a healthy mindset to be in. You can't force a certain attraction level, whether it's physical or based on personality - it's just not going to work out in the long run.  

I look at it this way which is simplistic, if I cannot find someone who ticks the boxes well then I have nobody ultimately.  Time has proven any degree of intelligence on my part does not work on OLD so yes I probably do need to find a way to get better matches based on the attributes I have.

Basically it's an advertisement.

For me anyway this is much healthier than looking at matches and not being interested in a single one. I have woken up to the fact I do not need to pick any of them due to lack of choice.