Ellie56 Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 We were together a few years ago but split up due to him cheating ect, but have remained 'friends' as we get on better that way, and we do see each other twice or more times a week and talk everyday 3/4 times, so its clearly more than friends, last year he just stopped talking to me for no reason , no arguments, no falling out, i was shocked as i thought something had happened, he decided to contact over xmas and we started seeing each other again, up until 4 weeks ago he left for work and called and said he had lost his bus pass, he even came back and helped me look for it, to no avail, then left and said if i say iv found it he wont mention it again, basically blaming me, he continued calling, and every time i said i hadnt got it he hung up and said hes got nothing to say until i find it, i left it all week then tried to call him, he didnt answer but messaged 'i gave you the opportunity and you didnt take it so dont call me again' im done with this abusive behaviour, i think hes a narcissist by his actions. i just dont what to make of this behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 I don't see anything in what you said that would label him a narcissist, but you know how he makes you feel. Since you didn't steal his bus pass and he won't talk to you until you find it just end it with him. I can't understand why people who are broken up would want to talk and see each other 3/4 times a week. Why would he think you would want his bus pass? Do you also use the bus as transportation? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellie56 Posted December 4, 2023 Author Share Posted December 4, 2023 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: I don't see anything in what you said that would label him a narcissist, but you know how he makes you feel. Since you didn't steal his bus pass and he won't talk to you until you find it just end it with him. I can't understand why people who are broken up would want to talk and see each other 3/4 times a week. Why would he think you would want his bus pass? Do you also use the bus as transportation? He ghosts and puts me through the silent treatment, gaslights ect, i dont use a bus pass so dont know why he would go to those lengths to end all contact, this isnt what a normal healthy person would do to a friend or partner, so if hes not a narcissist then he has other issues. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 54 minutes ago, Ellie56 said: this isnt what a normal healthy person would do to a friend or partner Neither is this what a normal, healthy person would tolerate. Forget him for a moment - what's up with you? Where are your boundaries and self-worth? You should have stoppped all contact when he cheated on you, and yet you have stuck around for more nonsense and mistreatment. Why? 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 2 hours ago, Ellie56 said: 4 weeks ago he left for work and called and said he had lost his bus pass, he even came back and helped me look for it, to no avail, .he didnt answer but messaged 'i gave you the opportunity and you didnt take it so dont call me again' im done with this abusive behaviour Did he think he left it at your place? Unfortunately it seems like an excuse to cut contact. What does he mean by "he's done with your abusive behavior"? Is this the same man?: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 1 hour ago, Ellie56 said: He ghosts and puts me through the silent treatment, gaslights ect, i dont use a bus pass so dont know why he would go to those lengths to end all contact, this isnt what a normal healthy person would do to a friend or partner, so if hes not a narcissist then he has other issues. He may have wanted to end it with you and just used this flimsy excuse. It happens, especially with men. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 Word to the wise, anyone who cheats on you, even once, will likely cheat again if given the chance. You might want to walk away from this "friendship" for good this time. Him blaming you for losing his bus pass is just another power play. Best of luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 4, 2023 Share Posted December 4, 2023 Whatever label you attach to his brokenness, fact remains he's not a good person to have in your life. Let him go. Block & don't look back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted December 6, 2023 Share Posted December 6, 2023 Why would you have kept this man in your life for as long as you have, despite the fact that he's done multiple messed up and toxic things to you? Why did you allow it and keep coming back for more, and where is your self-esteem? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted December 6, 2023 Share Posted December 6, 2023 I predict that he will find his bus pass somewhere and will call you to apologise. When he does that, tell him to take a one-way bus to Siberia. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellie56 Posted December 6, 2023 Author Share Posted December 6, 2023 9 hours ago, ShyViolet said: Why would you have kept this man in your life for as long as you have, despite the fact that he's done multiple messed up and toxic things to you? Why did you allow it and keep coming back for more, and where is your self-esteem? I have no idea, probably trauma bonded, but not anymore Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellie56 Posted December 6, 2023 Author Share Posted December 6, 2023 6 hours ago, MsJayne said: I predict that he will find his bus pass somewhere and will call you to apologise. When he does that, tell him to take a one-way bus to Siberia. He wont apologise, i think this was his excuse to run, hes a coward Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 6, 2023 Share Posted December 6, 2023 "Trauma bonded." "Narcissist." Why is it so popular to label everything with some kind of psychological tag? He cheated, he ghosted you, he thinks you're a theif. Why do you hang around with someone who treats you like this? Seriously, I don't talk 3 - 4 times per day with my most beloved friends or relatives. You need to turn your focus in on yourself and learn why you choose this kind of situation and spend years of your life on it. Forget about diagnosing the other person. It's not important. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 6, 2023 Share Posted December 6, 2023 On 12/4/2023 at 12:29 PM, Ellie56 said: He ghosts and puts me through the silent treatment, gaslights ect, i dont use a bus pass so dont know why he would go to those lengths to end all contact, this isnt what a normal healthy person would do to a friend or partner, so if hes not a narcissist then he has other issues. If he does all of these things to you, why don't you leave him? Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted December 8, 2023 Share Posted December 8, 2023 (edited) On 12/6/2023 at 6:07 PM, NuevoYorko said: Seriously, I don't talk 3 - 4 times per day with my most beloved friends or relatives. OP, please pay attention to this point. Because you have been giving this person way too much of your time. The amount of time and effort you give to him should be going to someone emotionally mature with whom you are in a committed long-term relationship. Not some manipulative childish "friend" who creates little dramas in order to jump in and out of your life. If you happened to meet someone who was right for you, there wouldn't be room in your life for him. So this guy has done you a favor by breaking things off in such a cowardly fashion. Please let him go, block him for good measure, get some counseling... That way, down the road, when you are ready to be in a relationship again, you will have a better chance of meeting the right person, recognizing him, and having a healthy and fulfilling relationship with him. Edited December 8, 2023 by Acacia98 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ellie56 Posted December 8, 2023 Author Share Posted December 8, 2023 8 hours ago, Acacia98 said: OP, please pay attention to this point. Because you have been giving this person way too much of your time. The amount of time and effort you give to him should be going to someone emotionally mature with whom you are in a committed long-term relationship. Not some manipulative childish "friend" who creates little dramas in order to jump in and out of your life. If you happened to meet someone who was right for you, there wouldn't be room in your life for him. So this guy has done you a favor by breaking things off in such a cowardly fashion. Please let him go, block him for good measure, get some counseling... That way, down the road, when you are ready to be in a relationship again, you will have a better chance of meeting the right person, recognizing him, and having a healthy and fulfilling relationship with him. Thankyou for your reply , you are spot on, and yes its time to focus on myself and move on this toxic person, hes been in my life for way too long and not always in a good way, hes not a good person and i allowed way too much disrespect from him, i havent spoken to him for 5 weeks and iv now cut him off for good.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted December 8, 2023 Share Posted December 8, 2023 "There are other fish in the sea..." Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 9, 2023 Share Posted December 9, 2023 6 hours ago, Ellie56 said: i havent spoken to him for 5 weeks and iv now cut him off for good.. Good, if it's been 5 weeks since you talked to him consider it over and block him. Blocking him will keep you from getting involved with him again. Link to post Share on other sites
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