Why do men feel the need to lie about their intentions?

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

There is also a large "grey area" where guys (and some girls too) not "just" looking for a hookup are quite open to having a hookup with somebody if both parties are down for it.  And they will investigate the possibilities.   

Wanting a serious relationship does not necessarily mean that  a person is not opposed to fun casual sex in the meantime.  

It's not wrong. 

It's always baffling to me when I see (often) people (women almost exclusively) here posting "He said he was looking for 'something serious'!!"  when they end up having sex with a guy and then ... nothing else.

Also "looking for something serious" does not mean that the person is automatically signing up for that with anybody they meet, go on some dates with, or even have sex with.  Everybody in dating is learning.  Unfortunately, something often learned is that you are not compatible  with  another person.  Sometimes we're talking about sexual compatibility, which is discovered by having sex.  

It's up to each person to decide where their own boundaries are and how they want to handle each situation.

Totally agree.

To answer the OPs question I think most guys looking for hookups aren't totally open about their intentions initially as they feel if they said they were just looking for a hook-up they'd be rejected offhand as a creep.

It's made more complicated by the fact women don't often openly say they just want sex because of the social stigma around this, even though in many cases this may be what they want in reality.

People can be looking for something casual and fall in love, they can be looking for something serious and fall into something casual they enjoy, it doesn't all have to be so rigid.

I match with girls sometimes on dating apps and just shake my head as the whole thing turns into a police interrogation after a couple of messages. "What are you looking for?/How long have you been single?" etc. First and foremost getting to know someone is supposed to be FUN! If that's absent nothing else about the relationship is going to work.

[NuevoYorko]

OP, you have unrealistic expectations.  It seems as if you are looking for some kind of commitment from complete strangers about their intentions with you.

First of all, they do not know you yet.  You don't know them.  They might be completely uninterested in having a relationship with you once they meet you and the same can happen in reverse or for both of you.

So "looking for a relationship" does not necessarily mean that you are going to be a match.   

It is YOUR job to learn about whether a man and you are a good match and do your best to learn what his real intentions are.  

A fairly reasonable way to do this is to not have early sex.  Early sex does not make a guy leave - if he likes you a lot he'll be happy that he got to have sex with you and still be there.

But if he is really only interested in you for potential sex, he's unlikely to wait around and date you much.  It's likely that he will move on.   

Stop trying to know what a man's intentions are or whether there is future potential with someone when you don't know each other.   Also be fully prepared to pull the plug when / if you get a clear indication that you both are not on the same page with each other.