STD riddled boyfriend blames me!

[soren]

Yesterday I was discharged from hospital after many months of mystery as to why sex is so painful I was diagnosed with a lifelong STD. My current boyfriend (M29) is the only sexual partner I have ever had whilst he has had many one night stands and had MANY sexual partners and alot of unprotected sex with various people. So the only person I could have contracted the STD from would be him. However despite us talking extensively about this whilst I was in hospital where he was incredibly supportive, apologetic and caring I have come home to a complete a***hole.

We had a big fight last night where he stated that because I now have an STD he is "at risk". He blamed me and was completely dillusional to talk to claiming he couldn't possibly have it because he's asymptomatic (which is untrue as he has all the same symptoms, rash, pain, blisters etc). I couldn't reason with him and I just don't know what to do. Despite my positive test results he's deluded himself into thinking I have some mystery illness that can't be cured, which is 100% impossible. The part that is most upsetting is how he's turned this into a blame game when I am perfectly fine with accepting that an STD has been diagnosed as it won't affect anything so long as we both take our medication. 

For now I've asked for space until I recover as the stress of his behaviour is making me even more ill. Should I end this relationship? 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

[NuevoYorko]

Why would you stay?

[FredEire]

Based on his attitude he doesn't seem like a good bet, at all. You've seen his true colours.

[CaliforniaGirl]

That's his guilt talking.

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, soren said:

Yesterday I was discharged from hospital after many months of mystery as to why sex is so painful I was diagnosed with a lifelong STD.

You were hospitalised for an STD?

And what do you mean by "lifelong"?  Was this transmitted to you at birth?

[Acacia98]

25 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

You were hospitalised for an STD?

And what do you mean by "lifelong"?  Was this transmitted to you at birth?

I think maybe "lifelong" means OP will have it for the rest of his/her life.

[d0nnivain]

Your diagnosis & condition ruins his plausible deniability.  His high risk behaviors have consequences he doesn't want to face.  

 

Stay at your own risk. It's only a matter of time before he brings something else home.  

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, soren said:

 

Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

You should end this relationship. 

Mr. "Asymptomatic" is bound to stop taking the meds because he "doesn't need them." Apart from the risks that that poses to him and to you, it tells you that you can expect this behavior to show up on other occasions when you need him to be mature and take responsibility for his actions.

In addition, his denial actually makes me think he may still have other sexual partners and wants the freedom to continue to engage in unsafe sex with them. Perhaps he has to create this alternate reality in his head and convince himself it is true so that he can continue engaging in risky behavior without having to deal with the guilt.

[BaileyB]

I too would say stay at your own risk.

[MsJayne]

4 hours ago, soren said:

Should I end this relationship? 

Hell yes! It's appalling that he's given you an STD which can't be cured, but then blaming you for it?! You now have to take medication for the rest of your life, and this will affect any future  relationship you have, and he blames you for it 🤬.  Wow, just wow. I would have to leave this toxic piece of garbage immediately because he wouldn't be safe, you'd have to hide the kitchen knives from me! 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, soren said:

 I was diagnosed with a lifelong STD. My current boyfriend (M29) is the only sexual partner I have ever . I have come home to a complete a***hole.  he has all the same symptoms, rash, pain, blisters. I am perfectly fine with accepting that an STD has been diagnosed as it won't affect anything so long as we both take our medication. 

How long have you been dating? Do you live together? Is there a reason you're still talking to him?

  If you are both being treated that's good however HSV can linger for years dormant then active etc. Don't even bother debating this with him. It's difficult to pinpoint a timeline in some STDs. 

Please follow up with your physician and of course refrain from any sexual contact.  It's good you got tested and treated. It's unclear why "you're fine with having an STD".   Have you ever had any type of sexual contact with anyone before? 

Please research whatever STD you have. Hopefully a complete panel of tests were done.  If you live together, please move out or ask him to. 

[Gaeta]

36 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's unclear why "you're fine with having an STD

What's the alternative? We have to be fine with it or the alternative is to live in turmoil with ourselves for the rest of our life.

OP, you will be fine. It's possible your bf did not know he was carrying it so like you he's just learning he has an uncurable std. Not everyone reacts the same, he's in denial. 

Sounds like you need some time apart. 

If ever you need to talk about this std don't hesitate to pm me. l've had this for 10+ years and my life went on and l had a very normal romantic life.

On a side note, l know many people carrying this and none of them are with the partner that infected them. It has a way of showing you people's true face.

 

[ShyViolet]

I would certainly not spend one more minute with a guy who was gaslighting me and blaming me for something that was not my fault.  Why on earth would you even consider staying with this guy?

[stillafool]

I'd already be gone.

[Alvi]

I am sorry OP. This is terrible what your BF is doing to you. Whatever he gave you is serious and you  will have to take meds for the rest of your life. And not only that, it is going to limit your potential partners in the future. Why isn't he an ex boyfriend by now? 

[Alpacalia]

 

Sorry, he seems like a bit of high risk to you and others. I personally would not waste my time or health on someone like him. Move on, be safe, be fair. Good luck.

[stillafool]

What type of STD puts you in the hospital for months?

[BaileyB]

On 12/8/2023 at 6:47 PM, stillafool said:

I'd already be gone.

I never would have had sex with a man this high risk. 

[Alpacalia]

Sounds like he feels guilty and is projecting on you because of his high risk behavior and sleeping with multiple women which I can almost guarantee were spaced very close together he never took time to get tested in those in between periods of sleeping with single women or whatever or doesn’t believe that it’s possible to get an std even if there are no symptoms but if you have an active infection you can still spread the disease.

Did you know about his questionable behavior prior? Did you both get tested prior to before having sex? These are just questions to help you come up with your next move. You need to educate yourself and take care of your physical and emotional health.

I understand STD’s are common in society today and most people down play their significance and the stigma surrounding them but everyone who has sex doesn’t always end up with an std. Decide for yourself how much of his explanation and behavior is believable and what necessary precautions to take in the future if you choose to continue sleeping with this person.

Please take care and don’t let him make you feel like it’s your fault. Sounds like he needs a reality check.

[Alvi]

On 12/8/2023 at 8:21 AM, soren said:

My current boyfriend (M29) is the only sexual partner I have ever had whilst he has had many one night stands and had MANY sexual partners and alot of unprotected sex with various people.

This is a very risky behavior. I seriously doubt that he was using protection with these people all the time.  If nothing else, it shows that he has very little impulse control and does whatever feels right at the moment without considering the consequences.  So, he could have gotten that STD anywhere but he is pointing his finger at you??? I guess, it is easier to blame you rather than face a reality for his own poor choices/ This guy is a bad news and I hope he is your ex-boyfriend by now.

[Mrin]

Has he been tested?

[Gaeta]

OP does not come back to her threats.

Her last thread says something that could explain why she may have gotten this before meeting her bf.