Just Don't Get Her

[Alpacalia]

4 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

Ok so she actually responded to my message from Saturday night. I had asked her if she wanted to go out tonight to celebrate the new year. She said “Happy New Year baby, I’m not able to go out tonight baby because I’m busy getting stuff ready for tomorrow.” 
 

so what do you All make of this? Like she’s not interested but is calling me baby twice in a message? Do i respond and what do I say? Do I bring up how she’s making me feel by taking forever to respond? Or ask her how she feels about us? Or just let it go all together?

I dislike that she is referring to you as "baby" when you were just asking her out for a date. It feels like she is trying to soften the blow of rejecting you by using a term of endearment. In addition, her excuse for not being able to go out seems vague. It is up to you whether or not you want to respond, but I would suggest giving her some breathing room and not bringing up your feelings or asking about the status of your potential relationship. If she is interested, she will reach out and make plans with you in the future. 

Stop waiting for her. If she doesn't initiate hanging out or respond with more enthusiasm when you ask her out, take it as a sign that she's just blowing smoke up your keister.

[Wiseman2]

42 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

I had asked her if she wanted to go out tonight to celebrate the new year. She said “Happy New Year baby, I’m not able to go out tonight baby because I’m busy getting stuff ready for tomorrow.” 

It seems like she's tiptoeing out of the relationship. Maybe it's true she can't make last minute plans or is too busy, but she is turning down dates.

"Calling her out" isn't going to change her circumstances or endear you to her. It's like you're squeezing a potato expecting to get orange juice. 

Stop asking her out, especially if you feel "used". Please don't focus on terms of endearment. Zoom out and look at the big picture. 

[ericw899]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like she's tiptoeing out of the relationship. Maybe it's true she can't make last minute plans or is too busy, but she is turning down dates.

"Calling her out" isn't going to change her circumstances or endear you to her. It's like you're squeezing a potato expecting to get orange juice. 

Stop asking her out, especially if you feel "used". Please don't focus on terms of endearment. Zoom out and look at the big picture. 

But should i respond? I was thinking of just saying “ok I understand” I will say she always calls me baby so it’s not like she’s acting different in that sense. But I get that she’s probably done with me. 
 

if perhaps I say “ok I understand” is there a chance my aloofness could surprise her and make her realize she doesn’t want to lose me?

[Alpacalia]

5 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

But should i respond? I was thinking of just saying “ok I understand” I will say she always calls me baby so it’s not like she’s acting different in that sense. But I get that she’s probably done with me. 
 

if perhaps I say “ok I understand” is there a chance my aloofness could surprise her and make her realize she doesn’t want to lose me?

Just respond with whatever feels true to you. If you genuinely understand and want to let her know that, then saying "ok I understand" is a perfectly acceptable response. You've asked her out, she doesn't want to go, so there's not really anything else left to discuss in this conversation. Just make sure not to come across as passive-aggressive or clingy. She may or may not realize she doesn't want to lose you. Regardless, sending a text like this with the intention of making her realize she doesn't want to lose you is not a good idea. It comes across as manipulative. If she does come to this realization on her own, it will be because she genuinely misses you, not because you surprised her with aloofness.

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

 I get that she’s probably done with me. 

Just stop asking her out and texting her. It's that simple. Playing hard to get doesn't work if they don't want you. Please stop trying to turn her and this situation into something it's not.

Change what you can change. Get your own place. Date women who speak your language, are from your culture, don't have children and have better jobs. Please don't exploit people. 

Your track record with Latina and Ecuadorian woman isn't very good. You complain about them a lot and feeling "used". so why keep going down the same blind alley? 

[ExpatInItaly]

15 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

if perhaps I say “ok I understand” is there a chance my aloofness could surprise her and make her realize she doesn’t want to lose me?

This won't work if someone is already losing interest, no. And if the thought of "losing" you is what it takes to make someone pay attention, then you really don't have much of a connection to begin with. 

In the end, you have to respond the way you feel is best. 

[ericw899]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Just respond with whatever feels true to you. If you genuinely understand and want to let her know that, then saying "ok I understand" is a perfectly acceptable response. You've asked her out, she doesn't want to go, so there's not really anything else left to discuss in this conversation. Just make sure not to come across as passive-aggressive or clingy. She may or may not realize she doesn't want to lose you. Regardless, sending a text like this with the intention of making her realize she doesn't want to lose you is not a good idea. It comes across as manipulative. If she does come to this realization on her own, it will be because she genuinely misses you, not because you surprised her with aloofness.

I responded to her message I just said “ok I understand” she never even opened it 

[ericw899]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Just stop asking her out and texting her. It's that simple. Playing hard to get doesn't work if they don't want you. Please stop trying to turn her and this situation into something it's not.

Change what you can change. Get your own place. Date women who speak your language, are from your culture, don't have children and have better jobs. Please don't exploit people. 

Your track record with Latina and Ecuadorian woman isn't very good. You complain about them a lot and feeling "used". so why keep going down the same blind alley? 

I’m just very attracted to Latina girls and Latin culture unfortunately, I don’t find interest in American women. It’s just my dna of what I’m attracted to. I’m not purposely going out of my way to make my dating life more difficult 

[ericw899]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This won't work if someone is already losing interest, no. And if the thought of "losing" you is what it takes to make someone pay attention, then you really don't have much of a connection to begin with. 

In the end, you have to respond the way you feel is best. 

I just responded “ok I understand”. I wish I knew why she lost interest, as she seemed pretty interested on our last date. 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, ericw899 said:

 I don’t find interest in American women. . I’m not purposely going out of my way to make my dating life more difficult 

That's fine. But at 27 you can get your own place and certainly take classes in Spanish. Or at least develop some cultural sensitivity. 

Why are you still using Google translate when you have a predilection for dating Latina women?. Especially try to learn more about whatever culture it is and what is stopping you from taking language courses?

You can also date women who aren't as disadvantaged by circumstances of single parenthood and low income jobs or stressed out. 

You could also date women who are citizens and fluent in English who have Latin America heritages. So yes, you are purposely going out of your way to make your dating life difficult. 

[basil67]

3 hours ago, ericw899 said:

I’m just very attracted to Latina girls and Latin culture unfortunately, I don’t find interest in American women. It’s just my dna of what I’m attracted to. I’m not purposely going out of my way to make my dating life more difficult 

The internet tells me that in 2022, the population of Hispanic people in the US was ~63 mill.   Surely some of them are single women who retain culture, but also are also fluent in english.  

[ericw899]

I woke to a message this morning from her. She asked “how did your day go baby?” referring to yesterday. I don’t understand if she has no interest in me why is she making an effort to continue a conversation when it could’ve ended by my last message?

[FredEire]

4 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

I woke to a message this morning from her. She asked “how did your day go baby?” referring to yesterday. I don’t understand if she has no interest in me why is she making an effort to continue a conversation when it could’ve ended by my last message?

Sounds to me she likes the attention, but it probably isn't anything more than that for her. Maybe due to religious/family circumstances she doesn't feel able to pursue anything more than a semi-imaginary situationship.

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, ericw899 said:

. I don’t understand if she has no interest in me why is she making an effort to continue a conversation when it could’ve ended by my last message?

Because you keep asking her out and she's unaware that you resent it.

[ShyViolet]

15 hours ago, ericw899 said:

I’m just very attracted to Latina girls and Latin culture unfortunately, I don’t find interest in American women. It’s just my dna of what I’m attracted to. I’m not purposely going out of my way to make my dating life more difficult 

You do know that this doesn't mean you have to date someone who doesn't speak English?

[basil67]

7 hours ago, ericw899 said:

I woke to a message this morning from her. She asked “how did your day go baby?” referring to yesterday. I don’t understand if she has no interest in me why is she making an effort to continue a conversation when it could’ve ended by my last message?

You can either continue chasing this half interested woman based on the fact that she sends you random messages.   Or you can find someone who's actions match their words.

It's up to you

[Alpacalia]

I'm not sure what you're failing to understand.

She explained to you that she is hesitant to be with someone after such a long time so she has you in this sort of limbo where she is interested in you, but doesn't want to move forward. She's just trying to maintain a friendship with you with occasional physical contact because she does enjoy your company and doesn't want to completely cut you out of her life but she is not ready for anything more than that right now.

Her asking about your day is just trying to be friendly and maintain some sort of communication with you. It doesn't necessarily mean she has no interest in you, but she is not ready to fully pursue a relationship with you at this time.

Edited January 2, 2024 by Alpacalia

[NapoleonBonaparte]

What to do next? Chat up other women, leave this one on the back burner. If she hits you up, reject her and tell her something like, "I'm sorry but I don't think we should be talking anymore. All that kissing we did makes me want to do other things to you and it makes life difficult." If she bites, it's on. If not, you've got the other women that need your attention.