How to Handle a Circumstantial & Respectful Breakup Properly?

[JazzMan1999]

It's been 12 days since we separated. 11 Days since we spoke. She said that she's not in a place emotionally to sustain a long-term relationship (we were together for 2 months). Following her rediagnosis of cancer she realised that she wasn't as ready as she had first thought for a long term and "deep" relationship and we had a respectful parting of ways.

I am giving her space, as we are still in love with each other and I don't want to hurt her and myself any further. I am fighting my feelings, gyming and focusing on myself in as much as I can.

Should I at any point reach out to her a few months from now (if she hasn't reached out already)? Or should I still maintain my own personal growth and let her come to me (if that is to happen of course)?

I don't want to place any expectations on "us" and get hurt and also don't want to scare her away, as she is a very independent person. I am really hurting and need some advice.

[Wiseman2]

18 minutes ago, JazzMan1999 said:

Dhould I at any point reach out to her a few months from now Or should I still maintain my own personal growth and let her come to me.

Sorry this is happening. It's a very sad situation. However after 60 days dating and her health concerns, it may be better to step back, respect her wishes for space and let her reach out to you if when she's ready. Is this the same woman?:

 

[JazzMan1999]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this is happening. It's a very sad situation. However after 60 days dating and her health concerns, it may be better to step back, respect her wishes for space and let her reach out to you if when she's ready. Is this the same woman?:

 

Hello, yes it is the same lady. Some days (like today) are proving tougher than others. I'm also getting conflicting advice about what to do and how to handle everything. The positive side is that I keep fighting off my desire to contact her, I know it'll get easier, but these early stages are still hurting me a lot.

[ExpatInItaly]

She is facing a battle with a life-threatening illness for the second time. 

I promise you that dating is the last thing on her mind. I can't imagine the fear she must be feeling knowing the cancer has returned, but I can tell you that her headspace is not going to be very good for the forseeable future. Please understand that this isn't a typical break-up.

She needs space to focus on her very survival - let her have that. 

[JazzMan1999]

19 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

She is facing a battle with a life-threatening illness for the second time. 

I promise you that dating is the last thing on her mind. I can't imagine the fear she must be feeling knowing the cancer has returned, but I can tell you that her headspace is not going to be very good for the forseeable future. Please understand that this isn't a typical break-up.

She needs space to focus on her very survival - let her have that. 

Thank you for the reply. The good news above all is that it isn't life threatening right now, as long as she acts accordingly. When she received the news, I was one of if not the first person she told, and I swore to her that I would be there for her no matter what. At the time, I don't think the reality had fully hit her. I recall when we were holding each other the one day, she expressed her fear to me. I promised her that we'll get through it together. I think that upon unpacking everything she had to make this decision. It hurt her as much as it hurt me. I'm going to give her time and space in order to get stronger. We agreed that we'll see what happens between us in time. I feel selfish feeling this much sadness as she was doing it for her and myself. I think that time is the only true healer of us. If we're to fall in love again, she'll need me at my best, so I'm going to just continue working on myself and allowing her, her time to live and breathe. Thanks again.

[ShyViolet]

Respect her decision and give her the space she has asked for.  If she wanted to get through this "together", that's what she would be doing.  But she has let you know that she doesn't want to do that.  While dealing with this serious health issue, the last thing she needs is to be pressured by you on top of it.  Respect the boundaries that she has established.  If she decides that she wants you in her life again, she knows where to find you.

[d0nnivain]

You only knew each other for 60 days.  Talk of being in love is premature.  She doesn't want to date while she's battling cancer.  Let her go & move on.  Anything you do or say will be you violating her boundaries.  If you ever cared about her don't add to her plate.  

[JazzMan1999]

Thank you to everyone for your reply. I was thinking long and hard about everything and I really needed to hear these words. I have now accepted the situation properly and agree that boundaries must be respected for her and my own well-being. Thanks again for the important and mature advice.

Edited December 21, 2023 by JazzMan1999
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